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November 18, 2010

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It is my answer, could you pls explain and guess the score that i can get? Thanks a lot!

"From the line chart, in the winter, the number of electricity begin at about 35,000 at o, after that it sightly fluctuated between less than 40,000 and over 30,000 from 0 to 12. This number level off at around 40,000 before jumping to its peak of approximately 50,000 at 22. After that, there are a freefall in the amount of electricity of 15,000 to roughly 35,000 at 24. In the summer, the number of used electricity stand at about 18,000 at 0, decrease to a trough of 6,000 to become the least daily demand for electricity at 9 before growing dramatically again to the peak of more than 20,000 at 14 and then significantly fall by 3,000 to around 17,000 at 15. The number remain unchange at 17,5000 before rising to nearly 20,000 and then decline rapidly to 18,000 at 24.

Second chart shows how the electricity using for. The amount of electricity is used for heating rooms, heating water hold the biggest rate with 52,5%. On the other hand, the lowest percentage of electricity consumption is 15% using for lighting, TV and radio. There are 17,5% and 15% of electricity using for ovens - kettles - washing machines and vacuum cleaners - food mixers - electric tools, respectively. "

Hi Mai,

I'm afraid I don't check or score people's essays on this site. If I did this for one person, everyone would ask me to check their work.

Sorry I can't help. Try to find a teacher where you live who can help you face-to-face.

Simon

I think Mai could get band 5.5.
Mai, send me email if you want me to check your writing.
this is my email:
dylanvuhai@ymail.com

Thanks.

Hi Simon
Could I write the second sentence of summary paragraph like this:
... Throughout the year, English households use much more electricity for heating rooms and water than any of the other usages.

Regards.

Hi Long,

Yes, that's fine.

Hi, Simon.
These 2 charts shows a correlation between the demand of electricity in winter and the percentage of electricity for heating rooms.
Can I write this correlation in the second paragraph?

Or I can't write because it's an "outside information"?

My opinion..I dont think so. there is no correlation here since the use of electricity (i.e the pie chart) do not mention anything about season. I see this as consumption througout the year in different uses.

Simon, could you give us your sample writing for this exercise? I would like to know your opinion in the next 2 paragraphs. Thank you so much.

The line graph compares daily electricity consumption in England during the winter and summer, while the pie chart shows information about the different uses of this electricity in an average English household.

It is clear that English homes (families/ households) use around double the amount of electricity in the winter compared to the summer. Throughout the year, just over half of the electricity consumed by English households is used for heating rooms and water.

The daily electricity consumption is at its highest, at around 46,000 units between 21 o’clock and 22 o’clock during winter, while the figure for summer peaks at about 20,000 units between 13 o’clock and 14 o’clock, as well as 22 o’clock and 23 o’clock. Demand for electricity is at its lowest between 7 o’clock and 8 o’clock in both seasons, with nearly 30,000 in winter and 12,000 in summer, respectively.

In an average English household, the largest percentage (proportion) of electricity, 52.5%, is used for heating rooms and water. Around 17.5% is consumed by kitchen appliances, such as ovens, kettles and washing machines. The remaining 30% is used for lighting, TV, radio (15%) and vacuum cleaners, food mixers, electric tools (15%).

Hi,Simon. I can not find the original question. The click here does not work.

Hi simon, can we use passive voice in writing task 1 ? Plz reply me.

The original question is here:

http://www.ielts-mentor.com/writing-sample/academic-writing-task-1/1027-academic-ielts-writing-task-1-sample-90

The fist main body may be this kind...

At midnight, the proportions used by UK households in the winter and summer are about 35.000 and 18.000 units,respectively. Obviously, the lowest demand for electricity is approximately between 08:00 and 09:00 during a day in the both seasons with just above of 30.000 units in the winter and about 12.000 units in the summer. The extreme proportion of consumed electricity is around 45.000 units in the winter at 21:00 while the figure stands at over 20:000 in the summer.

Hi Simon,
I am confused about "the" article before using season in this question. There is an example in your overall, "It is clear that English homes use around double the amount of electricity in the winter compared to the summer".You also used it in some sentences.
I thought we cannot use it because there is not a specific time. I searched it, but even native people have also same confusing.
I want to understand that is there any difference to use it or not in this question.
Thanks in advance.

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