IELTS Writing Task 2: 'online shopping' topic

This was a recent IELTS exam question:

Online shopping is increasing dramatically. How could this trend affect our environment and the kinds of jobs required?

My advice is to plan your essay with a 4-paragraph structure:

1. Introduction: topic + response (2 sentences are enough)
Introduce the topic of 'online shopping becoming more popular'. Then write that it will have a significant impact on the environment and on jobs.

2. Paragraph about the environment
Write about simple ideas e.g. people will drive less, so there will be less pollution, less destruction from the building of new roads, but perhaps more packaging.

3. Paragraph about jobs
Simple ideas e.g. many shop workers will lose their jobs, unemployment may rise, but there will be more skilled jobs in IT (computer programmers, web designers).

4. Conclusion: repeat your response
Overall opinion: online shopping may have a negative effect on employment, but it might be a good thing for the environment.

Comments

[mhatab]

hi simon
I wrote the following introduction paragraph
During the last decade, the online shopping has increased dramatically which has advantages and disadvantages that affect not only the environment, but also the economic statues and numbers of employed people especially in the developed countries.
After that i wrote one paragraph about the advantages, then i wrote the following 2 paragraphs
On the other hand, some people demolish the previous arguments and say that online shopping has lots of drawbacks;
Firstly, it helps to produce a consumer society and waste products of that society will lead to environmental pollutions.
Secondly, numbers of unemployed people have increased as many workers lost their jobs. For example, in my country, Egypt, one of the biggest super markets introduced the online shopping service which reflected positively on the profits of the company, but a large number of workers lost their jobs.
Finally, by using this kind of shopping, some companies my cheat the clients through alteration the goods that the costumer choose online.
To sum up, online shopping has positive impacts on both the environment and the economical status of the country, but it may increase the numbers of unemployed people. So, if governments want to apply this kind of shopping they should find suitable alternative jobs for the fired people.
THANKS

[Simon]

This looks fine mhatab.

I'm sorry I can't give detailed feedback, but thanks for sharing your ideas.

[param]

Hi Simon
I wrote this essay plz underline my grammar and other mistakes and give me suggestion to improve my essay.

Today Life becoming more busy,people don't have enough time for shopping.So, they prefer online shopping that becoming more popular.But everything has two aspects like a coin has two sides, darker and brighter side. Same On line shopping has its drawbacks as well as its benefits.
People can purchase everything from staying at home.They will not have to go outside for buying things. So, there will be less traffic congestion and pollution will decrease that is good for saving our environment.For example,In my country(India) there is more pollution as a result quantity of oxygen is going down.So on line shopping is the best way to reduce pollution. This will also good for IT graduates because there will be more jobs in IT field but it will pay the bad effect on other qualified people.As a result unemployment may climb up. I give u a real example of my brother, He did his job in a company but he lost it 5 months ago due to less knowledge of computer. Even he got master degree but those person who appointed has only IT diploma.So on line shopping helps to rise unemployment.
As a conclusion, Its advantages are overweight its disadvantages. But government can reduce these disadvantages also, if he gives other jobs to unemployed people.

[param]

Hi simon I forgot to divide this essay into 4 paragraphs

[Amit]

Hi Simon,

I would like to share my view. I would appreciate it if you could get me some feedback.
Thanks

Introduction:
Online shopping is increasing exponentially because of time efficient, broad range of product availability and it comparison.

Par 1:Environment
Decrease in noise, air pollution and waste. For example, people get overcrowded (noise pollution) to a shopping centres by travelling (Air pollution) from one place to another. A large amount of plastic bags are used to carry new stuff.

Par 2: Job
As face to face interaction decreases, there will be decrease in front end positions. Less sales persons or almost none are required for address and guide customer. However, there will be increasing demand for technical and creative professionals who can run the web system smoothly and motivate net suffers to shop.

Conclusion:
Increasing use of net connectivity for shopping has many benefits but has also adverse effects such as payment frauds, increase in retail unemployment and more use of material for packaging and safety. Confidently, online shopping will save environment from pollution and give chance to talented and technical learners.

[elysion]

Hi Simon
could you post some example essays? thank you!I have taken ielts exams four times,yet only once i got an higher score than 5.5 in writing test.I hope I could get some advice from you.

[Simon]

Hi Param and Amit,

Thanks for sharing your ideas, but I'm afraid I don't check students' writing on this website. Too many people ask me to check their work, and if I say yes to one person, everyone will send me their essays.

...

Hi Elysion,

There are quite a lot of sample essays on this site. Just click on task 1 or task 2 in the menu on the left, then look down the page.

Regards

[Tala]

Hi Simon:
How much score I lose, if I write my essay less than 200 words?
Regards

[Amit Soparia]

Hi Simon,

Thanks for your reply.

Would you be able to suggest some points that would help me?

Regards
Amit

[lafuer]

Hi, Simon.
For this question:Behaviour in schools is getting worse. Explain the causes and effects of this problem, and suggest some possible solutions.

I wrote the first introductory paragraph like this: Poor student behaviour seems to be an increasingly widespread problem. There are several reasons for this problem and many people worry about negative impacts it may have on both students and teachers. Therefore, measures should be taken to improve the situation.

But I think it's a little lengthy, could you help me to make it more concise and accurate?

[lafuer]

Merry Christmas to you, Simon.

[adverb]

Hi, Simon.
Could you tell me how to use the phrase" as opposed to".Should it be followed by"Doing sth." or" Do sth." Give me a couple of examples please. Thank you a million.

[mai mossad]

hi simon,
i am mai, i've took the dec 2010 exam and this was my first time. i scored 8 in listening , 7.5 in reading, speaking and overall band score but unfortunately i scored 6.5 in writing . this was quite chocking for me because i used to do very well in writing and i thought if there was any mishap to occur it would be in the reading! anyway , i'd like to tell you about what i wrote and may be you could guide me through my mistakes.
i wrote in the introduction about how modern technology advancement has brought about new facilities as online shopping.then i wrote how this facility has changed our life styles and that it may have a profound impact on our surrounding environment and the availability of jobs
2nd para
i wrote about how we could sit at home comfortable and surf the internet searching for our favorite products. how we could compare products from different shops, in terms of price and quality. then i talked about being able to buy from home will save us the time and effort to drive and park which will in turn reduce crowdedness in the streets.
3rd para
i wrote that some people may argue that it is not as good as seeing and evaluating the product in hand. also, lots of people will lose there jobs.
finally, though internet shopping is a great advancement, it may be ones blessing but another ones curse.

i believe i wrote off point and i didn't fulfill the required number of words, so i like to know what do you think.
thanks

[mai mossad]

ohh , (i've taken ) by the way!

this writing result is really disappointing me,it is shaking my self confidence, i can't study and i am supposed to sit for the 8th of January exam. please wish me good luck.
thanks again

[farnaz]

Hi, simon.
is it correct that i end of my essay with a future looking approach?
for example:
I hope the positive points would highly increase from time to time.
thanks

[Simon]

Hi Tala,

You might lose about half a band.

...

Hi Amit,

I'm afraid I can't give individual help. Giving suggestions about your writing would be the same as giving feedback. Sorry, I hope you understand my reasons.

...

Hi Lafuer,

I'm afraid I can't give this kind of individual writing help. Too many people are asking me to help them, and I just haven't got enough time. Your writing looks fine.

Happy Christmas to you too!

...

Hi Adverb,

"as opposed to doing" e.g. I prefer to go abroad, as opposed to having my holidays here in the UK.

...

Hi Mai,

I'm afraid I can't give individual writing help or check people's mistakes. Too many people are asking me to do this, and I just haven't got enough time. My advice is to find a teacher where you live. Sorry I can't help more.

Good luck for your exam on the 8th!

...

Hi Farnaz,

Yes, it's fine to end with something about the future.

Regards

Simon

[taka]

Hi Simon,
This "environment" means the natural world? I thought that this is the place in which people live and work, included working environment, life environment. Is is all right to interpret like this?

[Simon]

Hi Taka,

Yes, environment can mean all of these things, but if it's used alone, it usually refers to the natural environment.

[taka]

Hi Simon,
Thank you for your prompt and reliable reply!

[Simon]

No problem Taka.

[PARVANEH]

HI SIMON,
I PASSED AN IETS EXAM A MONTH AGO,AND I GOT 5.5.NOW I THINK I NEED SOME IDAE FOR WRITING AND SPEAKING,PLEASE HELP ME.
THANK YOU.

[Harwinder Kaur]

Hello Simon ,
i am harwinder feom india i have got 6.5 in writting ,and 6.o in reasing but i need 7 in each ,do you provide onlinecoatching to improve english.
Awaiting for reply
thanks

[Simon]

Hi Parvaneh,

All of my ideas are either here on the website or in my ebook. If you want ideas for all of the common IELTS topics, you'll find the ebook really useful:

http://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/ielts-ebook.html

...

Hi Harwinder,

I'm afraid I don't do individual online coaching. Sorry I can't help with that.

Simon

[Jasmine]

simple and easy to follow!THX

[Eniak Avlis]

Hi Simon,

Can you enlighten me with this task:

Nowadays online shopping becomes more popular than in-store shopping. Is it a positive or a negative development? Give your reasons and examples.

Is positive or a negative development similar to advantages and disadvantages?

[Negar]

Hi Simon,
I took the Dec16 exam and I'm pretty sure the question went like this: "the effects of online shopping on the environment and the types of jobs that are required"
Skimming through the question on exam day, I assumed the environment was referring to "jobs", thinking the 2nd "on" was due to a parallel structure and "environment" is used singular because it represents a general concept. After the exam, I contemplated more and came to the belief that "nature" was the purpose of the question, as environment and jobs are not a frequently used collocation.
However, the way the question was put is vexing me. Why didn't they move "environment" to the end of the sentence to avoid any kind of ambiguity? Isn't the combination of both the environment with online shopping and jobs a bit too irrelevant for a standard IELTS kind of question? Why should the question cause two -almost- equally correct interpretations in the first place?
Sorry for taking your time with such a long comment, but I'm really looking forward to some expert advice here. How valid do you think the "jobs environment" inference is?

[Samira]

It was also my question ((

[Samira]

I failed to cover required jobs part since I believe that it was tricky one

[Fatma]

Unfortunately, I could not cover this question on the same exam date,too. My writing score was 5.