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January 12, 2011

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hi Simon,

If you agree with both the arguments.what will two paragraphs explains explain..and conclusion would be a balance means agreeing with both arguments.it seems to me very confusing?

Hi Simon
I wrote the following;

In order for a multiculturism to function, the members of foreign must follow the basic culture and laws of the host nation because;
Firstly, if the visitors not accept the basic culture and laws of the host country, its tradition and heritage will be destroyed. This may be like the cancer cell that destroy all other cells and ultimately kill the host.
Secondly, it is the best way by which the visitor knows the culture, behavior and tradition of other nations. Unless, the visitor will be unfriendly and does not has the best behavior of the local people.
On the other hand, the country should be grateful for people who are visiting its land. Tourists are a real lucrative market not only for the government, but also for the indigenous. So, the host country should accept the cultural differences to help tourists feel a comfortable.
THANKS

Hi Hetal,

It's easy. Just write the arguments for each view, then summarise your balanced opinion in the conclusion.

mhatab's ideas (in the comment above) are a good example of how to do it.

Thanks for sharing your ideas mhatab.

thankyou simon

hii simon
i got your ebook today and thanks for sending me ebook.it is very helpful for me.
i wrote a essay. i know you can't check my essay but plz just tell me is this essay related to given topic or not bcoz i confused too much.

"Water is a natural resource that should always be free. Governments should ban the sale of bottled water.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?"

my answer is:-
It is true that water is the essential part of human being. We can't live without water and it is natural resources that should be free.But I completely disagree with this point that Govt should ban the sale of bottled water.

if water is free, people do not aware about the value of water.They do not thing about how much water they waste. For example, Mostly people leave taps running while washing, bathing, brushing etc. We all know that there are a lot of water sources but water is being polluted due to pollution which is very harmful for human body.

If we have to pay for water firstly, we will use it more responsibly. secondly we will know the value of water.Bottled water are always be filtered but tap water is not. I give you a real example of Punjab(India). People used tap water and there was a young snake came out from the tap. So according to me bottled water is safest in todays life. We can carry bottles of water wherever we go.I believe that bottled water is much healthier than tap water. It can helpful for reducing unemployment because there will more private companies and more jobs.

To sum up,water is indispensable for life and we should use clean, safe drinking water in order to live. It is possible when we use bottled water instead of tap water. So govt should not ban for sale of bottled water

Hi Simon,
If you disagree with the view, how to give a introduction covering both sides?

My try:
It is true that different customs and behaviours between visitors and host countries will cause a varity of conflicts.However, to a large extent, I disagree with the idea that visitors should adapt to the culture and behaviour of the host country.

No problem Hetal.

...

Hi Param,

I'm glad you like the ebook. Your essay looks fine - it's related to the topic and you definitely answer the question.

...

Hi Johnny,

If you disagree, your introduction is perfect - don't try to cover the other side.

In the main body of the essay, you could write one paragraph about why visitors shouldn't have to adapt, and one paragraph about why the host country should accept other customs.

Hope this helps

Hi Simon,
Here is my answer and I hope you can correct it for me:
To a certain extent I agree that the tourists should respect the culture of the host country because it's their traditional. Like when you make a new friend, you have to try to get along with him or her although they're so different from you. Therefore, you will have opportunities for learning a lot of things that you haven't ever known yet.
However, I also think that the host country should accept tourists' cultural differences. When they spend time visiting your country, you had better show your hospitality and if you expect them to respect your culture, you have to do it first. Maybe they're little weird but that makes them different and the differences make the world more varied and interesting, right?

Hi Jen,

Your ideas seem good. I'm afraid I don't correct students' mistakes here on the site, but one piece of advice is that you shouldn't ask questions in written academic essays (...more varied and interesting, right?)

Hope this helps

Thank you for your assistance!!! It's really useful for me.

No problem Jen

hi Simon
in case of following topic, do you think my introduction is ok?

"Water is a natural resource that should always be free. Governments should ban the sale of bottled water.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?"

and my introduction:
to a certain extent i agree that people should be had the right using water for free.However, i also believe that governments should take methods to control the use and exploitation of water.

best wishes for you!

You've definitely got the right idea Phi.

hello simon.
can you give me comment about my introduction:
home school belongs to the past and is unacceptable in the modern society. to what extent do you agree and disagree with this statement?

to a certain extent i agree that home schooling has become backward and we should replace it.However, i also think that home schooling has some benefits we should take into consideration.

wait your comment. Thanks

Hi Tosiba,

You've definitely got the right idea!

thank you very much.

No problem.

Hi Mr.Simon
Could you be kind to give me your opinion on this topic?

(whether is it appropriate or not)

It is inevitable that as technology develops so traditional cultures must be lost. Technology and tradition are incompatible - you can not have both together.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

My intro:

To a certain extent I agree that traditional cultures may lose the ground as some people are getting apathetic about ancestors' customs because of technological convenience. However, I also believe that we can create a fabulous future if we do not forget our traditions while utilizing technologies in our lives.

Is it ok?(because it is still a bit confusing for me to write such type of essays)

Big thanks.

Hi Bakhtiyor,

That's a good introduction. You've followed my advice really well.


Thank you Mr.Simon

I do really appreciate everything you are making for us.

Sir, can I ask one more questions?
Thank you!

So, in this case,

Body part

Para1(supporting my own view on this issue that why i agree to a certain extent)

should i write something that traditions are having less importance on some people because technology makes them change the way they are living

Para2 (supporting that the harmony is, in fact, better; stating disagreement on that we can't have both)

However,................. (my own thoughts in the harmony of these two views, and what they bring about on us in further life)

Conclusion

......even so, there are effects ... but I believe that ....

Thank you in advance

Hi Bakhtiyor,

Yes, that structure looks fine.

it is common today that number of people who travel abroad considerably increasing. traveling has been seen as a good way of expanding once`s world view and getting to know other culture at first hand. it is believed that whenever people travel they can encounter cultural differences. some people think that they should accept other country`s cultural difference while others are being intolerant to other customs. however i think we should respect other people`s believes and behaviors. Because the main meaning of traveling abroad is to accept and familiarize with other culture. this is the only chance when we can assimilate with the heart of culture. for instance, if i go to India, that will be the only time when can get to know about the Induism and meditations of this religion. even if the rules of that Indu religion is completely opposite to rules of your own believes. we can`t just go and say that they are wrong about following their religion. because that is what they believe in.
this example makes it clear that we should be tolerant toward other people. but host country also should accept our cultural and custom differences. that`s why nowadays there are many cultural exchange programs so that countries could build a good friendship with others.

Hi simon I would like you to please check one of essay writing 2 and suggest me my band score.
Computers exercise a bad influence on young children, and should not be *used in primary schools. Discuss. Support your arguments with your own knowledge and ideas.

In the present age, computers are playing increasingly important role in our lives. By this I mean that computer is an electronic device which provides us with all the necessary information if used professionally. Weather it is a blessing or a curse has sparked a heated debate. In my opinion it has a fundamentally beneficial influence in an individual life while many others contend that it has a detrimental effect as well.
First of all, I would like to begin with its handful advantages for instance, it provides a vast exposure in the area of education as most of the home task can be done online which saves a lot of time and makes our live more comfortable and error free .Secondly, I would like to move on to its wide range of entertainment that is achieved through it a good example is one can play games, watch the previous episode of their favourite programmes .
Before we go any further let us look upon some of its demerits, as a coin has two sides computers are sometimes misused by the teenagers they might get into the effect of using prone sides by getting the company of their fellow mates. Last but not the least; computers also reduce the physical movement by getting addicted and sitting at one place for long hours.
I firmly believe that, computers are boom these days therefore should be carefully handled and its using knowledge should be spread between the school going childrens.
Hammering the last nail,from my point of view frequent use of computers make us lazy as we get all the stuff readymade and tailored it reduces the movement of our body which in turn gives birth to back ache and many other health problems.


Hi Harsheen,

I'm afraid I don't offer essay correction or scoring. If I did this, everyone would send me their essays. If you want, I can give you the contact details of a teacher who does essay correction by email. Click here to find out more:

http://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2011/10/essay-correction.html

Hi Simon,
What is the different between "traditional skill, traditional custom and traditional culture?

Many people wonder what they should do when they travel other countries . Some people think that best for them to adopt a new environment . However other people consider that , the good way is to maintain their customs in foreign countries .
Each country has not only national ,traditional customs but also improper behaviours for visitors .For example , in certain countries it is considered illegal or bad women and men kissing in the street . It maybe even about wearing clothes like short skirt, open dress which are not acceptable by the society . Or in India cow steak is not eaten because it holy animal for indians .
Actually , there are some certain countries where the governments do not let women go out without veil .In moslem countries when people visit holy place in order to pray God women cover their heads with veils and men take off their hats cause of respect .
However ,there are some people who bring their customs with their because it may be difficult for them to be adopted foreign area .The indigenous can encounter foreign people who break the local rules .This attitude is not considered dramatic demerit by local people besides Iran and Afghanistan . In addition, some people decide to live in any other countries for a long time they have to adopt unusual customs .
In conclusion , depending on religion or nation people`s overviews are different ,that is why visitors encounter different unusual customs .Some of them accept it easily ,other ones can not follow local behaviour .(264)

Nowadays ,we can see advertisements everywhere from television set to posters on the streets . High sales of popular consumer goods influence everybody differently . Actually , there are advantages and disadvantages of high sales of popular consumer goods .
Most of the people think that , the advertising of any goods is seemed falseful and exaggerated . Because goods which are proclaimed are mainly un –need .From my observation ,I can say that some popular companies are likely motor ,cycle ,clothes compaigns use famous singers` , actors` taking part in the introducing goods in order to boost their product . According to the view everything can be attractive but in really , it is the way to delude people . On the other hand advertising causes people to know their new produced goods.
Looking at high-tech world , you realize that current life needs comfort . Your family , friends usually think the newest things .Although you have bought laptop, washing machine you tend to get modern ones after watching advertising .When you walk in the street new posters involve your attention. Onwards , these ads influence you mentally , even you are not in need of these products . Another example , when you see Brad Pitt wears a world famous watch, it comes to your mind to buy it , even you bought a new one last year .
To sum up , there are beneficial , economic aspects of advertisement . Actually we can not imagine our life without advertisements ,because day by day different campaigns produce a lot of goods .To sell new products the companies need to be known .In a result we all are under pressure of advertisements .(286)

Hi Sam,

Is this introduction deemed "thesis statement", before the following paragraphs?

To a certain "extent"...can I replace extent with "degree" to avoid repetition? i.e. To a certain degree.

Cheers.

That's fine. You can use 'degree' if you want.

Hi Simon,

Thanks for your previous responses to my questions (in another section). I've just finish my writing test and I wrote a balanced opinion on the 'to what extent do you agree or disagree' essay question.
Your advice here is really helpful!

But maybe because I was nervous during the exam, somehow I didn't even mension the word "agree" throughout the essay! I just stated in both the intro and conclusion like this: while some people think ...(one side) , I think ... (the other side) is equally important.
I am so worried that I will lose marks for that. Do you think it is a big problem?

Thanks again!

1. People visiting other countries should adapt to the customs and behaviours expected there.

1A. To a certain extent I agree that visitors to other countries should respect the culture of the host country.


2. They should not expect the host country to welcome different customs and behaviours.

2A. I also think that host countries should accept visitors' cultural differences.


1A and 2A are the paraphrasing sentences for 1. and 2. respectively. The main sentence construction "...should..." remain the same. Is this paraphrasing good enough to get a band 9 score in terms of the introduction?

Hi Simon..I am so confused with the way to write a question like that." Advertising encourages people to buy in quantity not quality. To what extent do you agree or disagree"..Can you help me with that???

knk

There is an excessive number of cars on our roads today and this leads to many problems.Individuals and governments should ensure that public transport plays a more important role in modern life in order to tackle these problems.

to what extend do you agree with this opinion?

Ans:
To certain extend I agree that public vehicle is necessary in today's world and people and state should protect this. However, i also think that private transport have made peoples life more easier.

Firstly, public transport are much cheaper in terms of fare. It is affordable for everyone and one don't need to buy their own car.Secondly, people don't have to worry about finding gas station and parking areas.Finally one of the most important thing is; it is very helpful for strangers in town, they just need to hoop in the public bus and they will take them to their desired destination.

On the other hand, when you have you own private car you can not only save your time but can also reach where ever you want to. Having your car even reflects your economic status.
[now how to start my 2nd para about what i think about private transport though i have wrote some plz guide ]

It's not true that only private transport pollutes the environment and can meet with an accident; such misconception should be eliminated.One should be aware that if they don't drive safely there is high probability of accident whether you are in public or private vehicles. In-fact government should start working closely with transport organization and have up-to date information about new technology related to environment conservation. Every individual should follow the rules and regulation sincerely like seat belts,traffic rules and so on; this reduces road accident.

To brief , I strongly opine that problems related to transportation can only be solved by joint effort of of government , individual and the people in transport association.

{can u please tell me do i need to favor public transport or private transport in conclusion or its fine what i wrote
there are lots of errors and i have used the word "don't" "transport" many times can u help me to replace it]


Thank you

I really appreciate your site

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