The chart below shows numbers of incidents and injuries per 100 million passenger miles travelled (PMT) by transportation type in 2002.
The bar chart compares the number of incidents and injuries for every 100 million passenger miles travelled on five different types of public transport in 2002.
It is clear that the most incidents and injuries took place on demand-response vehicles. By contrast, commuter rail services recorded by far the lowest figures.
A total of 225 incidents and 173 injuries, per 100 million passenger miles travelled, took place on demand-response transport services. These figures were nearly three times as high as those for the second highest category, bus services. There were 76 incidents and 66 people were injured on buses.
Rail services experienced fewer problems. The number of incidents on light rail trains equalled the figure recorded for buses, but there were significantly fewer injuries, at only 39. Heavy rail services saw lower numbers of such events than light rail services, but commuter rail passengers were even less likely to experience problems. In fact, only 20 incidents and 17 injuries occurred on commuter trains.
(165 words, band 9)
Note:
Don't worry about the repetition of "incidents and injuries" in this essay. There are no perfect synonyms for these words, although I managed to use "problems" and "such events" later in the essay. The most important thing is to describe the data clearly and make some good comparisons.
hi simon.
just want 2 ask that can we compare the incidents of all types of transporation first and then injuries after that.,because organizing paragraphs in short time is quite tricky.what ever seems easy comes 2 our mind first.in your essay you have tried 2 describe both accidents and injuries side by side.if i try 2 start this way i think i will get stuck in middle.so is that approach right?
ayesha
Posted by: ayesha | June 07, 2012 at 11:25
Hi Simon,
Should we mention about the correlation between incidents and injuries? Can you advise? Here below are two points I might add to my task 1 writing.
Although commuter rail had the least number of incident, it has highest rate of injuries from incidents.
Although there were 173 injuries recorded with Demand Response, its chance of injury from incidents was moderate compared with commuter rail and bus.
Posted by: Ed | June 07, 2012 at 12:22
Hi Ayesha,
Your approach would be fine. I agree that you need to decide very quickly how you are going to approach the essay. The important thing is to make some good comparisons, and your approach allows you to do that too.
...
Hi Ed,
It's fine to compare incidents with injuries, but I chose not to do that because I thought that it was more important to focus on comparing the types of transport.
There is a danger that your sentences confuse the reader - when you write that commuter rail has the "highest rate of injuries from incidents" I know what you mean, but it's a bit misleading. It might be clearer if you wrote "although commuter rail..., the majority of those incidents led to injuries".
I'd still prefer to focus on comparing transport types.
Posted by: Simon | June 07, 2012 at 16:28
Hi, Simon!
Can you write me, please, general form of construction Task 1?
Posted by: Lola | June 07, 2012 at 19:23
Hi Lola,
Simon did that in a previous post. Take a look at the posts under the Writing Task 1 category.
Posted by: Jean-Luc | June 07, 2012 at 23:16
Thanks))
Posted by: Lola | June 08, 2012 at 14:05
hi simon,my question s similar to Ed,can u please tell if we dont compare incidents nd injuries would loose the marks,as examiner would be expecting it,,
last month i got same type of chart nd decided to opt-out the comparison , i got only 6 nd think it as one of the reasons for low marks,,
thanx,,
Posted by: Raj,poole | June 08, 2012 at 21:32
hello simon!
I just want to ask what is your technique in choosing specific details, because I'am having a hard time in doing it. i hope you'll give me some of your idea. Thanks. :))
Posted by: Jenny | June 10, 2012 at 14:21
Hi Raj,
You can't compare everything, but you must make SOME comparisons. As long as your comparisons are relevant, you should be ok.
...
Hi Jenny,
Just make sure you say something about each item (in this case, each type of transport). Look for the most noticeable things.
Posted by: Simon | June 11, 2012 at 10:43
Hi Simon,
Would you please evaluate my writing on this?
The bar chart compares the numbers of incidents and injuries held per 100 million passenger miles travelled by different transportation type in 2002.
It is clearly illustrated that such occurrence happening rate is much higher on demand response vehicle than of any other transportation type.
A total number of 225 incidents and 173 injuries occurred in 100 million passenger miles travelled, on demand response transport service. In contrast of these, bus transportation service showed almost one third of the numbers. There were, 76 incidents and 66 injuries.
Rail transportation service had a less numbers of events than of the others. Light rail contained the same number of incidents of buses but theres were only 39 numbers of injuries which are almost half of the buses. Heavy rail had 51 incidents and 35 injuries. The computer rail had the lowest numbers of occurrences in 2002. Only 20 incidents and 17 injuries came off from computer rail.
Posted by: MAKSumon | June 11, 2012 at 21:21
Hello Simon,
You wrote
"These figures were nearly three times as high as those for the second highest category, bus services. There were 76 incidents and 66 people were injured on buses."
can I delete "as high as" and also use “where” to combine the two sentences?
“these figures were nearly three times those for the second highest category, bus services, where 76 incidents and 66 injuries were recorded. ”
thanks a lot.
Posted by: Ken | June 11, 2012 at 22:48
Hi Ken,
Yes, those changes are possible.
...
Hi MAKsumon,
I'm afraid I don't offer essay checking or scoring. If I did this, everyone would send me their essays.
Posted by: Simon | June 12, 2012 at 09:08
thanks Simon,,,
Posted by: Raj,poole | June 12, 2012 at 10:51
Hello simon
As mentioned by ED earlier he tried to compare the ratio of incident and injuries of different transport means, although it sounds logical to write that too its confusing for the reader at the same time. i do have similar problem during the exam whether to compare the correlation in bar graphs. Is is always better to compare the individual bar of different variables given in the question rather than confusing the reader?
i know it makes sense to keep it the simple way, but during exam its always a dilemma what to mention and what not?.
thanx simon
i have learned a lot from this site and i am still taking at least 2 more months before i appear for the exam this time.
Posted by: josh | June 12, 2012 at 13:42
Hi Simon... Thank u so much for your lessons
Posted by: Sop | June 12, 2012 at 15:17
Simon,
I had my exam on 26th May... in Sydney. In Writing Task 1, 2 pictures of a park was given.
1. Picture of a old park with less trees, few benches, one barbecue
2. Picture of a new park with additional barbecue, more trees, tennis courts etc.
And also north, south, east , west side was given in the diagram. Which tense should I have used to compare those 2 pictures. I am really confused. I hope you you will give me some advice.
Posted by: Sop | June 12, 2012 at 15:27
Hi Josh,
There isn't a perfect way to answer. Just try to write comparison sentences that are clear and easy to follow. Keep practising!
...
Hi Sop,
Here's a similar question:
http://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2011/03/ielts-writing-task-1-building-plans-essay.html
You probably need to use the past simple when describing the old park and the present simple when describing the park as it is now.
Posted by: Simon | June 14, 2012 at 12:13
Thank You Simon,now I have the clear idea.
Posted by: sop | June 16, 2012 at 07:20
Here is my report:
The bar chart compares the number or incidents and injuries per 100 million passenger travelled miles (100m PTM) in five different means of transport in 2002.
The figure for incidents per 100m PTM surpassed that for injuries across all transportation categories that year. In addition, the number of issues faced by the Demand/Response category were substantially greater than those of the other categories.
The Light Rail and the Bus transport classes had the same number of incidents (76) per 100m PTM, but the latter suffered almost twice as many injuries per 100m PTM (66 vs. 39). Next comes the Heavy Rail class, whose figures doubled those of the Commuter Rail (51/35 vs. 20/17), the least problematic class in this study.
At the other side of the spectrum is the Demand/Response transportation type, which faced 225 incidents and 173 injuries per 100m PTM in 2002. These numbers tripled those of the second most problematic type, the Bus, and were ten times greater than those of the Commuter Rail.
Posted by: Ernesto M-A | June 17, 2012 at 00:48
Simon,
One note, on the third paragraph you wrote that "[t]here were 76 incidents and 66 people were injured on buses". However, the bar chart does not state that. It shows the proportion of incidents and injuries per travelled unit (in this case, every 100 million Passenger Travelled Miles). Thus, if one ignores the number of travelled units, one cannot state how many incidents or injures in fact happened. I think that one should have added "per 100m PTM at the end of that sentence", to make clear that it is a proportion and not a number of cases.
Posted by: Ernesto M-A | June 17, 2012 at 01:01
Hi Ernesto,
I disagree with you a bit on this. The bar chart DOES show numbers - it shows exact numbers of injuries and incidents per 100 million PMT (this is not a percentage).
I DO agree that I missed the units (per 100 million PMT) a few times, but I established those units earlier in the essay, and didn't need to repeat them every time.
Posted by: Simon | June 18, 2012 at 15:13
Simon,
An analogous example would be that there were 34 murders per 10,000 inhabitants in county X in 2011. This does not mean that there were, in fact, 34 murders in that county that year, but only shows the proportion of them. If we increased the number of residents (or widened the period) in that proportion, that number would lower.
Because we ignore the total number of persons living in that county and the actual number of murders, we must mention the "unit" to express a proper comparison.
Anyway, thank you for taking the time to read this. I have been using your website extensively during last month, while preparing for the IELTS (I need a band 8 exam).
Cheers!
Posted by: Ernesto M-A | June 19, 2012 at 03:39
Hi Ernesto,
Yes, you are right about the reality of what "per million people" means.
I believe your point is that the meaning changes if we miss the units, and I see what you mean. Strictly speaking, I should have written "There were 76 incidents and 66 people were injured per 100 million PMT."
Although it's normal to occasionally miss the units when the reader already knows what they are, I agree that it's better to add them if there is a possibility of confusion over meaning. Either way, this wouldn't be something that the examiner would be looking to penalise in the essay above.
I'm glad you like the lessons, and thanks for pointing out an inaccuracy!
Posted by: Simon | June 19, 2012 at 12:09
hello Simon,
Can we say in the general view :
It can be clearly seen that the incidents are more predominant than the injuries in the 5 different transportation types.
thanks
Posted by: Raya | June 21, 2012 at 12:37
Yes, that's fine.
Posted by: Simon | June 21, 2012 at 12:57
Dear Simon,
I always have problem with the use of :
The number or the numbers
The percentage or the percentage
The figure or the figures
For example :in your first sentence you said :
The bar chart compares the number of incidents ...
Why not the numbers?
Thanks in advance
Posted by: Hoda | July 16, 2012 at 04:43
Don't worry about that Hoda. Both singular and plural are usually possible. 'Numbers' would be fine in the example you found.
Posted by: Simon | July 16, 2012 at 15:30
Hi Simon,
I must appreciate how wonderful is your teaching. I hope we all be successful in our endeavours. Anyway, in this task I want to know that you haven't mentioned about Y-axis of the graph in the detail paragraph,so,is it unimportant? Can we simply not relate with it?
Posted by: Sarah | August 10, 2012 at 03:21
Hi Simon,
I have a question about my introduction
The bar chart compares the number of incidents and injuries occured in 2002 in terms of type of transportation.
is it correct to say "in terms of type of transportation" ?
Posted by: Neda | August 27, 2012 at 18:17
Your blog about IELTS writing is helpful to me. I have been learning IELTS course and now i have got important tips from you. Thanks for sharing your experience with us. Essay writing is complicated things so student should write essay with proper grammar, sophisticated synonyms , constructive scheme and thus they can write creative essay .
Posted by: essay writing | October 21, 2012 at 17:06
sir i ask for para for conclusion....sir u wright the conclusion in 2nd para.....
conclusion is in last para is it necessary
or not conclusion in last para
Posted by: nav | December 17, 2012 at 07:29
Hi Nav,
Read this lesson:
http://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2012/01/ielts-writing-task-1-you-dont-need-a-conclusion.html
Posted by: Simon | December 17, 2012 at 12:21
Hi Simon, I have some questions:
1,"The bar chart compares the number of..." why not "numbers"?
2, can I use " travelled by " instead of "travelled on" in the first paragraph.
3, "These figures were nearly three times as high as those for the second highest category.." Does it make sense to use "three time high" to describe "figures"
Posted by: Eric | January 17, 2013 at 12:15
Your blog about IELTS is helpful to me. I have been learning IELTS course and now i have got important tips from you. Thanks for sharing your experience with us.
Posted by: Upendra | December 15, 2014 at 04:32
I am trying to learn writing English
Please help me check my task 1. Thanks u so much
The bar chart gives information about figures of incidents and injuries per 100 million passenger miles travelled by different transport formal in 2002
It is clear from the chart that: In all of the phrases The number of incidents are (is) always higher than injuries. Therein. Travel by demand response is the most dangerous. By contrast for travel by commuter rail.
In 2002, There was (were) 225 people who suffered incidents by Demand response. Meanwhile, this vehicle only caused 173 injuries people. This was a number that was higher than remaining vehicles. Because the bus was the second dangerous only created 76 incidents and 66 injuries people. The number of incidents by light rail was (were) as high as the bus. However the injuries people by light rail was less than the bus, at 39 people.
In 2002, Commuter rail was the most safe vehicle because it only made 20 incidents and 17 injuries people. As safe as the commuter rail. The figure for incidents and injuries people by heavy rail were 51 and 35, respectively
Posted by: Ngochoa | July 09, 2015 at 16:43
Sorry. I have just edited some mistakes. This is my new post
The bar chart gives information about figures of incidents and injuries per 100 million passenger miles travelled by different transport form in 2002
It is clear from the chart that: In all of the phrases The number of incidents are (is) always higher than injuries. Therein, travel on demand response is the most dangerous. By contrast for travel on Commuter rail.
In 2002, There was (were) 225 people who suffered incidents on Demand response. Meanwhile, this form only caused 173 injuries people. This was a number that was higher than remaining forms. Because the bus was the second dangerous only created 76 incidents and 66 injuries people. The number of incidents by light rail was (were) as high as the Bus. However the injuries people on Light rail was less than the bus, at 39 people.
In 2002, Heavy rail was relative safe form. When It only made 51 incidents and 35 injuries people. However. Commuter rail was the most safe form. Because The number of incidents and injuries people caused on commuter rail was 20 and 17 per 100 million PMT, respectively
Posted by: Ngochoa | July 09, 2015 at 17:00
The bar graph gives information about how many incidents and injuries per 100 million passenger miles travelled(PMT) by five different types of transportation in 2002.
It is noticeable that injuries were less than incidents in each category, incidents and injuries were the highest in demand-response and lowest in commuter rail.
In every 100 million PMT, 20 incidents and 17 injuries happened for commuter rail. By contrast, the number of demand-response were 10 times higher than commuter rail, reaching 225 and 173 respectively.
Similar incidents level were seen in light rail and bus, at 76 per 100 million PMT. However, injuries in bus were much higher than light rail. 66 cases reported for bus while the figure for light rail was only 39. Both incidents and injuries were lower for heavy rail, at 51 and 35 respectively.
Posted by: arnoldzhen | July 06, 2017 at 16:19
Hi Simon.
İs this sentence that you wrote in essay grammatically correct?:
"There were 76 incidents and 66 people were injured on buses."
I consider that it should be like this:
"There were 76 incidents and 66 people injured on buses."
Posted by: Mammad | May 21, 2019 at 13:02
Mammad,
I chose to repeat the word 'were' for this reason:
The first 'were' is just the simple past "there were... incidents", but the second 'were' is part of a passive verb phrase: "people were injured".
So, I think it's better, grammatically, to repeat the word 'were'.
Posted by: Simon | May 22, 2019 at 14:57