IELTS Writing Task 2: correct the mistakes

Several people tried writing about the music topic in last week's lesson. Try to correct the mistakes that they made in the sentences below. I'll share my full essay next week.

1. We have different types of music all over the world, we need music for various reasons.
2. The first I think we need music almost for enjoyment.
3. People listening to a variety of music is due to a number of reasons.
4. It is clear cut evidence why we need for music.
5. Traditional music of a country has more weight that the famous international music.
6. At a glance, we need music for enjoyment.
7. The people is more happier listening all kind the rhythms and sounds than without it.
8. It helps to make relaxed from any sort of strain.
9. If the international music would replace it then the whole historical experience of a country will die.

Comments

[Giang]

There have different types of music all over the world, we need music because of various reasons.
The first, I think we need music almost to enjoy.
People listen to variety of music is due to a number of reasons.
It is clear evidence that why we need music.
Traditional music of a country has more weight than the famous international music.
At a glance, we need music to enjoy.
people is happier to listen all kinds of the rhythms and sounds than nothings.
It helps us relax from any sort of strain.
If the international music replaced it, the whole historical experience of a country would die .

[Manaa]

Here's my attempt:

1. We have different types of music around the world. We need music for various reasons. (these 2 sentences cannot be included in a single sentence because they are talking about different ideas!?)

2. Firstly, I think we need music for enjoyment.

3. People listen to a variety of music for numerous reasons. ('due to' already contains the idea of a reason, so we do not use 'due to' + reason)

4. There is a clear cut evidence for why we need music.

5. Traditional music of one's country has more weight/value than those famous international music.

6. In brief, we need music for enjoyment.

7. People become happier listening to all kinds of tunes and rhythms than without having any. (More happy might not be incorrect but this sounds colloquial!).

8. It helps in relaxation after being strained.

9. If the international music replaced traditional music, the whole historical experience/the history of a country would die.
(2nd conditional= if + past simple.....+ would +base vb; then must be omitted!).

P.S. Initially I thought this assignment was very easy but I had to use google search engine side by side, and yet, I may not be totally correct!

[senine]

1. We have different types of music all over the world, and we need music for various reasons.

2.At first I think we need music mostly for enjoyment.

3.People listen to a variety of music due to a number of reasons.

4.There is clear cut evidence why we need music.

5.Traditional music of a country has more weight than (outweighs) the famous international music.

6.At a glance, we need music for enjoyment.
People are happier listening to all kinds of rhythms (than to nothing).

7.It helps to make people relaxed (relax people) from any sort of strain.

8.If the international music replaces it(native music), the whole historical experience of a country will(may) die.

Merely try to get stuff correct in grammar with minor changes; not to make sentences decent.

[sonny]

1.We have different types of music all over the world, and we need music for various reasons.
2.AT first the main reason of we need music is for enjoyment.
3.People listening to a variety of music is due to (something).
4.It is clear-cut evidence that we need for music.
5.Traditional music of a country outweighs the famous international music.
6. At a glance, all we need for music is enjoyment.
7.People are far happier to listen to all kinds of the rhythms and sounds than be partial to one kind.
8.It helps people to be released from any sort of strains
9. If the international music replace traditonal one, then the historical experience of a (whole) country will die.

[manisha]

1.We have different TYPES of MUSICS all over the world and we need music for various reasons.
2.First,we require music for pleasure.
3.People listen to different music for variety of reasons.
4.It is more evident that why we need music..
5.Advantages of traditional music outweighs international music.
6.At a glance all we need for enjoyment is music.
7.People listening to variety of rythms are happier than those who listen to single ryhtm.
8.It helps to relax all sort of stresses.
9.If the international music would replace the traditional one,then entire historical experience of a country would die.

[manisha]

I tried my best.Let`s see the results.This would probably give me idea about my preparations.
I have my exam on 11 oct.

[tariq]

1.We have different types of music all over the world,people listen music for various reasons.
2Firsty, I think we need music for enjoyment.
3.People listen to music for verious reasons.
4.There is clear cut evidence why we need music.
5.Advantages of traditional music outweigh the international music.
6.Finally we listen music for enjoyment.

7. People are more intrested in listening all kind the rhythms and sounds than without it.
8.It helps to relaxe from any sort of strain.
9. If the international music replaces traditonal one, then the historical experience of a (whole) country will die.

[tariq]

7. People are more intrested in listening all kind of rhythms and sounds than without it.

[Amin]

1.There are different types of music all over the world and we need music for various reasons.
2.First, I think we need music for enjoyment.
3.People listen to variety of musics due to different reasons.
4.There is clear-cut evidence why we need music.
5.Advantage of traditional music of a country outweigh the international one.
6.In summary,we need music for enjoyment.
7.People are happier when they listen to all kind of the rhythms and sounds than without it.
8.It helps to be relaxed from any sort of strain.
9.If the international music replace with traditional one, whole historical experiences of a country will die.

[manisha]

Hello Simon,
Could you please suggest some ideas for the following essay.
Dieting can change one`s life for better or ruin one`s health completely.what is your opinion

[like]

1 We have different types of music all over the world and we need music for various reasons.
2 The first reason I think we need music is for enjoyment
3 People who listen to a variety of music have a number of reasons.
4 It is a clear evidence that why we need the music.
5 Traditional music of a country has more influential than the famous international music.
6 it is obvious that we need music for enjoyment.
7 The people is happier listening all kinds of rhythms and sounds than without it.
8 It helps to relax from any sorts of strain.
9 If the international music replaces it, then the whole historical experience of a country will be lost.

[Vien sa]

Hi simon,
1. We have different types of music all over the world and we need music for various reasons.
2. The first I think we need music for enjoyment.
3. People listen to a variety of music is due to a number of reasons.
4. It is clear cut evidence why we need for music.
5. Traditional music of a country has more weight that of the famous international music.
6. At a glance, we need music for enjoyment.
7. The people is happier listening all kind the rhythms and sounds than without it.
8. It helps to make relaxation from any sort of strain.
9. If the international music would replace and then the whole historical experience of a country will die.

[Tony]

We have different types of music all over the world, and we need music for various reasons.

The first thing I think we need music almost for enjoyment.

People listening to a variety types of music is due to a number of reasons.

It is clear cut evidence why we need music.

Traditional music of a country has more weight than the famous international music.

At a glance, we need music for enjoyment.

The people is more happier listening all kind the rhythms and sounds than without it.

It helps to relax from any sort of strain.

If the international music would replace it then the whole historical experience of a country would die.

[Yasmeen]

1. Due to variety of music present in the world, it is needed for different purposes.
2. Firstly, music is needed/or is used as a source of enjoyment/entertainment
3. Variety of people listen to music for their own reasons.
4. The importance of music is quite clear.
5. Traditional music of country outweighs the international music.
6. Music is needed for enjoyment (no need for at a glance).
7. People enjoy listening to rhythms and sounds than without it.
8. it helps to relax from any strain./ music helps to be relaxed or strain free.
9. If international music replaces the traditional music then the historical culture of country will die.

Sorry, this is how I will structure these sentences, by using some different words or avoiding few words.

[Simon]

FROM SIMON:

First, a summary of the main problems in each sentence:

1. Bad use of comma connecting 2 sentences.
2. Problems with 'the first' and 'almost'.
3. 'People listening' is not a good sentence subject.
4. Problems with 'it is clear cut' and 'need for'.
5. It is strange to say that music has 'more weight'.
6. Strange use of 'at a glance'.
7. Several small mistakes. See correction below.
8. We don't say 'relaxed from strain'. We also need to know WHO is relaxed.
9. Problem with conditionals 'would' and 'will'.

[Simon]

FROM SIMON (continued):

Now here are my corrected sentences. Remember that there are several possible ways to correct each one. Check the changes carefully.

1. There are different types of music around the world, AND we need music for various reasons.

2. The first reason (I think) we need music is for enjoyment.

3. People listen to a variety of music for a number of reasons.

4. There is clear evidence of our need for music. OR: It is clear that we need music.

5. The traditional music of a country is more important than famous international music.

6. Firstly, we need music for enjoyment.

7. People are happier when they are listening to rhythms and sounds. OR: People are happier with music than without it.

8. Music can reduce stress and help us to relax.

9. If international music replaced traditional music, then the cultural identity of a country would die. OR: If international music replaces traditional music, then the cultural identity of a country will die.

[boburShox]

1. We have different sort of music all over the world.
And, basically, we need music for various reasons...
(This sentence seemed nice to me, though);

2. Fistly/First/Fist of all/Fist and foremost, I think
we need music for (almost sounds weird) enjoyment.

3. People listen to a variety of music due to several reasons.

4. It is clear-cut evidence why we need music.

5. Traditional music of a country outweighs the international music;

6. X, we need music for enjoyment.
X could be:
- First of all (if you meant immediately),
- For a quick recap (if you wanted to conclude),
(At a glance maybe not good usage here, I guess);

7. People are more happier listening all kinds of music than
they don't do so.

8. It helps us to relax from any sort of stress.

9. If the international music replaces it, then the whole
history of a country can be eroded.

[yap]

http://www.lifemojo.com/lifestyle/10-benefits-of-listening-to-music-19402577

http://www.ehow.com/info_8157535_advantages-disadvantages-traditional-music.html

Hi everyone!The links above is given by simon in one of the previous comment areas!I think it is useful for us to get some ideas and points^^
All about 'music topic'!

[Manaa]

Thanks yap for reminding us of these useful links! :)
Keep up the good work!

[do do]

hi simon
pls help me
i just cant figure out what are the differences between the following questions
- discuss both views and give your opinion
- to what extent do you agree or disagree ( i want agree partly )

i know you did write 2 essays about the topic:

some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight afer school . DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION.

Can you post other essay when the question turns out
some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight afer school . TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE

im going to take the ielts exam next weekend so i really really need to understand the differences.

i know the basic difference is that while in argumentative essays you can even get angry, you just mention both views in discursive essays and nobody gets angry. althouth knowing that, i just cant understand in deep. so can your just post your essay in your daily lessons ok? im sure many candidates have the same confusion :(((((

[do do]

http://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2011/11/ielts-writing-task-2-discussion-without-opinion.html

the site is very useful

thanks

[yap]

Thanks Manaa ^^
I put it as a bookmark,thats why i still remembered it.Hehe!Thanks simon too!

[Dorothy Alunyo Bello]

hi pls i want to go on holidays to Nigeria and i want to do some practises during this period can i open your website in my laptop or my son laptop in my country