IELTS Writing Task 2: firstly, secondly, finally

The paragraph I wrote for last week's lesson (repeated below) is structured in the following way:

1. Topic sentence
2. Firstly
3. Example
4. Secondly
5. Finally

I think this is a good way to organise a paragraph. However, it's best not to use the same structure twice in one essay. Compare the two paragraphs below. How did I structure the second one to avoid repeating "Firstly, Secondly, Finally"?

First main paragraph
There are good reasons why some people feel the need to make significant changes to their lives from time to time. Firstly, any new situation that a person encounters can be an opportunity to learn and grow as a person. A new job, for instance, might present challenges that push the person to adapt, acquire new knowledge, or add to his or her skill set. Secondly, a change can represent a break with the past and an old routine which has become boring and predictable. Finally, as well as making life more fun and interesting, new experiences can be good for our physical and mental health.

Second main paragraph
On the other hand, it is understandable why people might avoid change. Whenever people are forced to change their lifestyles, jobs or even to move house, they are likely to experience stress and worry as they try to adapt to the new situation. By contrast, we feel comfortable and confident when we stay with what we know. The decision to persist with a course of action or stick to one chosen path often leads to greater success in life. For example, by staying in the same job for many years, a person can become an expert in his or her field, which will lead to better opportunities for promotions and career progression.

Comments

[Sf]

On the other hand,many people would prefer not to make any change.The reason for this is that they belive that the change might not work in their favour or if they can not adapt the change,could lead to more stressful life.Furthemore,they think that if they are happy with their current situation why to make a change.For example,if a person gets promotion and reward for staying at the same job then it would worthless for this person to change a job because he or she does not know what new job will bring to them.In addtion,people need to have courage and believe in themselve to accept whatever outcome would be because of the change,and if they do not have these quealities they are unlikely to make a change.

[Jinny]

I think in another way, change is not always a good thing. The people need to find new fun thing in their lives. they should learn how to adapt with changes. this can make their lives become more interested and more respected. by contract, if people changes too much, they can not be stable. they always find to adapt. So people need to know what need to change, what things are same.

[PeTer Bura]

hi, simon.
Can we use other type of connector. For instance.
To begin with,
Furthermore,
Moreover,
In addition,
what is more,
Next one is,
Eventually.
Are these correct
, if we write these words instead of firstly, secondly, finally.
Plz ensure my suggestion.

[Soha]

Hi,

I beleive that Simon used transition sentences and connections to organize the second paragraph and giving examples,such as :-

On the other hand
By contrast,
For example.

Thanks Simon.
Soha

[Jade]

Hi Simon,

I believe the second paragraph is structured like:
1.top sentence
2.reason 1
3.alternative
4.reason 2
5.example
Thanks for this helpful advice. However, I am confused now when I am to write a fully-agree essay? How can i divide positives into 2 paragraph? And what structure should I use?
Thanks for your help.

[Shinichi]

On the other hand,
(Reason),
By contrast,
(As a result),
For example

[Fira]

Hi, Mr. Simon, I have a question, please could you explain:
In “Discuss both views and give your opinion” questions, how we could include it reasonably. Weather by leaving our opinions in detail paragraphs and giving them in conclusion or mentioning repeatedly 2 main agree and disagree reasons?
thank you

[Andy]

Hi all

Following is my personal idea, looking forward to receive any correction.

I think Simon uses "By contrast" to connect two sentences and also compare the bad and good results of encountering changes. Therefore, the sentence behind "by contrast" expresses its viewpoint to "reject any change". Then, use "often leads to greater success" to enhance and support its idea again. Finally, give it a specific "example" to make the statement more clear.

I think there are still some other words can replace "Firstly, Secondly...", such as "Moreover", "In addition", "Besides", "Furthermore", "what is more".....

[xreader]

Dear Simon and other guys,
i have written this essay just now. Please comment on this and also give me feedback and result in Band. I want to improve my band 6 to 7.
thanks in advance.

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on children.
Do you agree or disagree?

In this modern age, the use of computer has become prevalent in lifestyle. Even in children are able to access it everywhere. It is disagreed that computer in everyday life can have more negative than positive effects on children. Analyzing both the effective use of computer at education level as well as most engaging tool for children along with entertainment will show this.
Firstly, the computer is an intelligent device which is most effective in educational field whereas new generation children prefer studying. For example, children who want to improve their skills in mathematics, and they simply run the test on computer and get feedback and result at the end of the test. Here computer is used for education purpose. Thus this makes clear why computer usage has positive effects.
Secondly, children’s minds are very much playful therefore they need to be entertained by engaging computer. For instance, computer program such as Word Smart offers a single word from English dictionary along with four options to select one correct. This quality of the computer makes children more engaging and entertaining too. From this it becomes quite evident that a computer has been offering education and entertainment to children which has no negative outcomes.

In conclusion, a computer is a learning medium which not only this but it offers an entertainment to children. Thus it is clear why a computer for children has more negative than positive effects cannot be supported. After analysing this subject, it is recommended that parents should monitor children activities on computer.

[Tong]

As the old says, life is about changes. Some believe that changes should be avoided, while others think they are positive. I slightly prefer the former claim and will explain it in this essay.

Certainly, there are advantages of remaining unchanged. Firstly, and perhaps most importantly, it offers less uncertainty. For example, for those who look for job security, a permanent employment might be suitable for them as it assures a risk-free lifestyle. As a result, they can concentrate on their works and enjoy peaceful lives. Additionally, this is the way of becoming an expert. Clearly, in order to achieve success in a particular area, people need to dedicate into it. Cave divers and underwater archaeologists, as a case in point, have to spend their lives in technical training and historical research and studies. In turn, they become more experienced and skilful as time goes by, and this actually is a critical factor that determines their career success.

On the other hand, changes also bring various benefits. On of them is that it allows people to acquire knowledge from a variety of fields. It is undeniable that workers have different working experience are more knowledgable than those who stick in one job. Consequently, this is favourable for their career development as employers today are always looking for candidates with broaden minds. Apart from that, it gives people a chance to rethink and reconsider that what is more suitable for themselves. It is not rare to see that today many youngsters work in a disliked roll. If they can make some changes, they might be able to find their desired jobs. For example, accountants might find their creative potential in art or music if they attempt to learn.

In conclusion, both views are similarly convincing and I personally agree that avoiding too many changes is slightly preferable.

[arash]

hi
simon
i have written ielts xam for 4 times but never succecced in getting 7 bands in all 4 sections , but now i have taken up course in british council in bahrain . I am very bad at writing task 2 , please help me out in improving my writing task 2 , as i am going to write my exam in the last week of may .
thanx
arash

[sonia]

HI SIMON,
please suggest me how to get 7 bands in writing?

[Rach]

Hi Simon

In the first paragraph you wrote, you expanded the first idea by using an example, whereas you did not develop the next two ideas. Instead, you stated them. I was wondering if this way of writing paragraph is a practicable. Isn't it true that we need to develop every idea we provided in the paragraph in order to get a high mark?

And in the second paragraph, you only argued one idea. So is it reasonable to presume that you are in favour of making changes in life. What I am trying to say here is that if we want to support one side, do we just lay less emphasis on the other side?
I am not sure if I have made myself clear, so sorry if I confused anyone here.

[Samia]

Hi Simon,
I want to improve my academic writing to achieve band 7 or above.Can ypu please comment on underlying paragraph if it is appropriate enough to reach the required band.

Although their freedom of speech should always be supported,artists play such a crucial role in our life,particularly among youngsters,that certain degree of legal restriction is necessary on what they produce.For instance,certain types of performance art represent obscene and illicit content,thus negatively influence young adults.Futhermore,it is commonly observed these days that artwork is often exaggerated or purely fabricated to gain public attention and fame.Some of artworks contain malevolent implications such as violence and terrorism.It is therefore necessary for governments to institute proper censorship policies in order to protect under age children as well as to improve the quality of art.

[rajwinder singh]

hisimon i do not success in listening.igave 2 time ielts test.i got 4 band.so what i do .plz help me.

[Darwin]

There are people who like to live their lives by doing daily routines, but there are others who like to have adventures and new challenges in their life. I personally believe that life should be filled with new exciting things and events, as we live only once in this world.

There are several reasons why people like doing daily routines. Firstly, by doing the routines on a daily basis, they could become an expert or a specialist in the field that they worked. Secondly, some people think that it is important for being loyal to the profession or to the Company that they have been worked for so long. Lastly, most of them have feel the comfort zone in everything that has happen to their life, especially when they already have an established position in the Company that they worked.

On the contrary, for some people they believe that life should be full fill with new experience and significant changes. By facing new challenges, people will have the opportunity to learn new things in their life, therefore they could make a continuous improvement. It could also enrich the social relationships as they will meet with new people who come from different background and cultures. Furthermore, the changes could reduce some negative psychological feelings in life, such as stress, feed up and bored.

To conclude, although for some people doing daily activities seems to be fine and comforting, I believe that life should be fill with new exciting experiences.

[hasnat]

We could categorise people into two broad groups based on the way they look at ‘change’. First category consists of dynamic and optimistic people while the second category consists of the people who are not optimistic enough about the positive affect of changes on their life. Doing something that makes a difference is always a hard task as it requires the right action at the right time. Pre-conditions for ‘change’ include but are not limited to positive attitude, heaps of energy, patience and enthusiasm. There are a few other factors beyond the personal control as well, for example, social attitude, support from seniors, motivation from family members etc. One need to be lucky enough to have all the pre-requisites of change in his/her pocket before he/she moves on achieving something better in life. Every forward looking human would like to change his life. However, the biggest obstacle in their way could be the unavailability of some or all of the pre-requisites of ‘change’. For example, they would find it hard, if they lack energy, motivation, or enthusiasm. Or if they are subject to the negative society attitude. In my personal view, change is always good given that it is some sort of positive change, for example, a person works hard to be competitive enough in the Job market or somebody migrates from a village to a big city with a view to access a better job market and better quality of life. Therefore, I am a strong advocate of change, but only if it is positive, timely, and well planned.

[lydia]

Hi Simon,here is a question:

In my view, the basic structure of the 5-sentence paragrapgh is one topic sentence+ 3 reasons+ one example. In most case,the example could only support one reason. For the others two reasons without example, do we have to write some more sentences to explain them in detail? If not,will the essay be evaluated as a lack of development or not fully extended?

Thanks a lot.

[ainnie]

Simon where are you ?kindly answer the above questions.

[Simon]

FROM SIMON:

I'm afraid I no longer have time to answer everyone's questions individually. However, I do still read them all, and I try to use them as the basis for my lessons.