IELTS Writing Task 1: introduction and overview

Let's look at an introduction and overview for the line graph below.

The graph below shows changes in young adult unemployment rates in England between 1993 and 2012.

Introduction and overview paragraphs:

The line graph compares levels of unemployment among 16 to 24-year-olds with overall unemployment figures over a period of 20 years in England.

It is clear that the proportion of young adults who were unemployed at any time between 1993 and 2012 was significantly higher than the overall proportion of adults without work. Unemployment rates for both groups of adults were consistently higher in London than in the rest of England.

Analysis:
Can you see examples of paraphrasing in my introduction? Can you see which two main points I chose for my overview?

Comments

[ttrung]

The line graph compares the proportion of unemployment of young adults and adults in London and the rest of England from 1993 to 2012.

[Aysel]

Can we say "the level of unemployment"?

[dr sara]

Hi simon...I cnt understand the information given in the line graph...where is the second parameter I.e total no of adults without work .???

[dr sara]

There is another problem..while explaining a graph in writing task 1 I repeatedly use the word of "increasing .increase""???what can b used instead of increase???Thanks

[Dr Zahid Khan]

There are two comparisons which you have made. First is the comparison of young adults to overall adult population and second one is comparison of the unemployment rate between London and Overall England.

[Majid]

Sara

You can use the verbs "rose" & "soared"

[Majid]

I wrote two detailed paragraphs.
Guys please correct my mistakes .
and any suggestion in totally welcome.
tnx.

In 1993, around 22 percent of people aged 16 to 24 were unemployed in London,while there were only 14% of people out of job in the whole city. Similarly, the percentage of unemployment for the 16- to 24-year old adults in the rest of England was almost 8% higher than the overall rest of England.

Looking at the graph, the unemployment rate had decreased dramatically for each group,by 2002.From 2002 to 2012,all the figures increased slightly,with the 16-24 group in London reaching the highest rate just over 25% in 2012,compared to 20% of the 16- to 24-year-olds in other cities.the unemployment proportion in London for all age groups totalled nearly 9%,while the figure for other cities was 8%.

[Majid]

What score do you think I would get for this ?

[Sam]

Hi Simon,

I think there is a mistake in your overview. I don't agree that "unemployment" = "without work" in some cases. According to the definition of unemployment in Wiki, "unemployment (or joblessness) occurs when people are without work and actively seeking work", so if someone are not working but they are not actively seeking employment, they would not be classed as unemployment.

So, why don't we use "joblessness" instead of "without work" when paraphrasing "unemployment"?

Your website is very useful and help me so much to improve my IELTS score. Thank you very much.

[Sam]

Hi Majid,

I think you should use "Similarly, the figure for..." instead of "Similarly, the percentage of.." in your first paragraph.

[ttrung]

Hi Sam,
I think that the usage of Majid is normal. We can you "the figure for...", "the percentage of..." or "the proportion of...".
these ways could be accepted.

[andrew]

Anyone pls share ans.

[Majid]

Hi Sam.
Thank you for your kind respond.

Is that the only problem you see in my paragraphs?

Do you think it is good enough to get a 7 ?

[DHLe]

Examples of paraphrasing in Simon's introduction are:
1) graph -> line graph
2) shows -> compares
3) rates -> levels, figures
4) between 1993 and 2012 -> over a period of 20 years

[ttrung]

The line graph compares the proportion of unemployment in young adult in England from 1993 to 2012.
It is clear from the graph that the trend of unemployment rate in four groups is similar, but the percentage of aged 16-24 group in London is higher than the rest of England. Similarly, the figure for overall people in London is slightly higher than the rest of England.
In 1993, the level of unemployment in 16-24 year-olds group in London and the rest of England are about 22% and 17% respectively, and the figure for overall person in London is 14% and 10% for the rest of England. After that, all group declined slightly. After 2002, unemployment rate rose dramatically again in 16 to 24 year-olds group, while overall person in London and the rest of England increased slightly.
In conclusion, there are significant changes of unemployment rate in four groups, but these changes are similar.

[NP]

The line graph = the graph below
campares = shows
levels of unemployment = unemployment rates
young adult = 16 to 24-year-olds
young adult unemployment... = young adults who were unemployed
-------------------

compares
-young unemployment rates with overall who were unemployed
-umemployment rate in London with the ones without work in the rest of England

[Salem Farhmand]

The line graph illustrates the alter in the young adults amount of unemployment between 1993 to 2012 a period of over 19 years in UK.

[Linhpham]

my two paragraphs
in 1993 about 22% of young adults in London were unemployed, compared to 17% of those in the rest of England. Whereas the overall figures for London and the rest of England were significantly lower, at about 14% and 10% respectively. The percentage of young adults without work in England fell gradually over the next 9 years, reaching their lowest points at 15% and just over 10% respectively.
London and the rest of England also saw a gradual fall in the levels of unemployment, the rates dropped by a half to 7% and just 5% in 2001
looking at the last decade of the period shown, there was an steady increase in the proportion of 16 to 24-year-olds who were unemployed, reaching 3% higher than those for the beginning of the period, at 25% and 20% respectively. In contrast, the figures for overall rates remain between 5% and 10%, with a slight increase in the last four years

[Simon]

Hi Sam,

The phrase "without work" is 100% acceptable in the context of an IELTS essay about unemployment. IELTS is just a language test, so we don't need to worry about exact academic definitions. As far as the IELTS examiner is concerned, I'm showing my ability to paraphrase and use a variety of words and phrases.

[Andy]

Hello Majid,
under my opinion, you should not write " looking at the graph" because in some cases, examiners wont see the graph to consider the exact of figures you gave, so it might be not good for your writing. I dont remember exactly but it is my teacher'advice.

[enamul kabir]

Introduction: The line graph compares to the proportion of unemployment levels among 16 to 24 years old with overall unemployment levels approximately period were 20 years in England.

[nima bhatta]

The line graph compares the percentage of unemployed young aged between 16-24 in England over a period of 20 years.
It is clear from the graph that London has the highest percentage(22%-25%) of unemployed youth between the age group 16-24 than the rest of England which has 17%-20% of youth aged between 16-24 are unemployed.
The graph also shows that the percentage of unemployed youth in whole of London has slightly decreased (14%-9%) from the year 1993 to 2012. while it is visible from the graph that the rate of unemployed youth in overall England has also decreased from 10%-9% over a period of 20 years.
In conclusion, the higher percentages of youth are unemployed in London than the rest of England.

[Nimabhatta]

Can you please comment on my writing and how much it would score i really need to know about my capability and also i much labor i further need to do to score high

[nima bhatta]

I think i should write 'similarly' instead of 'while' in 3rd Paragraph. Can anyone please suggest and advice on my writing above

[Hiepnt.ctb]

Hi Simon
I can see several examples of paraphrasing in your introduction, they are:
- shows changes = compares levels
- Young adults = 16 to 24 - year- olds
- rates = figures
- between 1993 and 2012 = a perios of 20 years
The two main points which you chose for your overview is:
- in both areas (London and the rest of England), the unemployment rate of young adults always is higher than the overall rate of adults without work.
- in both groups of adults, the unemployment rate in London is higher than in the rest of England

[shardeep]

Hi Simon,

In the que if he gives 2 line graphs or pie diagram etc.,then how to write.

[uyen]

so "aged 16-24" means young adults and "overall" means adults?

[sunny Liu]

compare with percentadge of two grups which were groups of adults and overall london,England.
figure out which one of groups were more highest proportion than the others

over a period of 20 years in England = over a period of decades in England
editing??

[sunny Liu]

unemployed=jobless=out of work
unemployed??=without of work

[Nguyễn Hoài Anh Thư]

Dear Simon,
Is it correct to use " compares and contrasts data on the changes in the proportion of young adults who are unemployed " instead of what you wrote?
Thank you very much indeed.

[yenth]

You paraphrase:
1) graph -> line graph
2) shows changes in...-> compares...with...
3) rates -> levels, figures
4) young adult unemployment -> unemployment among 16 to 24-year-olds
5) between 1993 and 2012 -> over a period of 20 years

[yenth]

You choose 2 main points:
1) compare young adult unemployment rates with overall unemployment figures
2) compare the levels of young adult unemployment in London with in overall rest of England

[DR RASHID]

TO DR SARA
SIMON USED ALTERNATIVE OF UNEMPLOYED THAT IS WHO DID NOT WORK
SECONDLY DONT USE WORDS SOAR IT WILL DEDUCT YOUR SCORE

[Ram shrestha]

The line graph illustrates the proportion of unemployment among people aged 16 to 25 years in comparision with overall population in england over a period of twenty years between 1993 and 2012.In general,the figure for people who are jobless are rose in london whereas the level of unemployment in other areas of england are decreased from 1993 to 2012.

[Fara]

Hi every one,
Does someone have the correct answer for the writing task 1 from test 1 in Cambrdge 5. I really appreciated if you could share it.

Thank you

[Rain]

Simon, I've written a report describing this line graph, but it's not quite like yours. After carefully analysing your report, I'm feeling a bit dizzy now. Hopefully, i'll share my report soon.
Writing task1 always seems like a nightmare to me. Now my goal is to imitate your writing style closely-as much as I can. Lets see..i m not sure where I will end up.

[rain]

The line graph compares changes in rates of joblessness in young adults in England over a period of 19 years( 1993-2012)

It is clear that unemployment levels were higher in people aged 16-24 years old than overall unemployed population in England during the period in question. It is also noticeable that the proportion of unemployed young adults rose significantly, in London as well as in rest of England during the given time period. By contrast, unemployment levels declined in overall English population during the same period of time.

In 1993, almost 23% of Londoners aged 16-24 were jobless while the figure was almost 5% less than this for the same age group living in other ares of England, at about 18%. The unemployment levels were significantly less in overall English population, at 14% and 10%, for those living in the capital and outside the capital, respectively.

By 2012, a dramatic increase in rates of unemployment was observed in young English adults, with figures peaking at 25% for those living in London, and 20% for the young adults living in rest of England. However, only 10% and 8% of the overall population was jobless in London and in other ares of the country, respectively.

203-words..... Any comments or suggestions are most welcome!

[hossein]

A comparison of different figures of unemployment among the youth and the rest of community people over two decades in the UK is illustrated in the bar chart.

[Nisreen]

Hi simon,
Unemployment rates for both groups of adults were consistently higher in London than in the rest of England.
How did you come up with this analysis? & why you chose to compare adult & young adult ? we can not just say instead a comparison of 4 categories & mention them?

[Sbie]

The line graph illustrates the percentage of unemployment figures of aged 16 to 24 with overall unemployment levels from 1993 to 2012 in UK.

[Jennifer]

Hi there please correct me if i have anything wrong.

The introduction
The line graph provides information about the percentage of unemployment of aged 16 to 24 between the year 1993 to 2012 in the United Kindom.