IELTS Writing Task 2: 'private schools' essay

Here's an essay that I wrote with my students using the ideas and the advice about organisation in last week's lesson.

Families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people believe that parents of children who attend private schools should not need to contribute to state schools through taxes. Personally, I completely disagree with this view.

For a variety of reasons, it would be wrong to reduce taxes for families who pay for private education. Firstly, it would be difficult to calculate the correct amount of tax reduction for these families, and staff would be required to manage this complex process. Secondly, we all pay a certain amount of tax for public services that we may not use. For example, most people are fortunate enough not to have to call the police or fire brigade at any time in their lives, but they would not expect a tax reduction for this. Finally, if wealthy families were given a tax discount for sending their children to private schools, we might have a situation where poorer people pay higher taxes than the rich.

In my opinion, we should all be happy to pay our share of the money that supports public schools. It is beneficial for all members of society to have a high quality education system with equal opportunities for all young people. This will result in a well-educated workforce, and in turn a more productive and prosperous nation. Parents of children in private schools may also see the advantages of this in their own lives. For example, a company owner will need well qualified and competent staff, and a well-funded education system can provide such employees.

In conclusion, I do not believe that any financial concessions should be made for people who choose private education.

(269 words, band 9)

Comments

[Sana]

Sir simon,
I know it's agree/ disagree question. But
The answer is given here both sides.
First paragraph it seems like it is fair
they don't have to pay taxes. Second
paragraph about they have to pay to support
nation. This means when we are writing
we have to give both views as far as we
mention clearly in introduction, conclusion,
Second paragraph. Am I right sir?? Please
help me. I am stuck in writing sir. I have
Bought your ebook & daily lesson followers
Thank you sir for your support.

[Jun]

Well, it might be too obvious to tell, but you native English speakers are so much better at English than us, English learners. No matter how hard I try, I'm not going to be as good as native speakers at English, so I've kind of given up to be someone like that. In fact, trying to be as excellent as native speakers is just so time consuming. I'd rather be just content if I can fully express my ideas and understand what English speakers say. Actually, that's all that matter, I think. I want to get a band 7 or more at IELTS though.
Anyway, thank you always for uploading such nice works, Simon. It's really helpful for me to study English.

Jun from S.Korea

[sjm]

Sana

No, the essay is not giving 'both sides'. The first body paragraph is NOT about 'why it's fair they don't have to pay taxes'. It is about 'why they SHOULD pay taxes'.

This is clearly a strong opinion essay that looks at one side of the issue.

[Amy]

Hi Simon and everyone,

I do not see the relevant factor in the below example:

"Parents of children in private schools may also see the advantages of this in their own lives. For example, a company owner will need well qualified and competent staff, and a well-funded education system can provide such employees."

could someone please advise? Thanks

[nazanin]

Hi Amy
I think that company owners can be an example of rich people who send their children to private schools.
thank you simon.It is really a precise essay.

[Linda]

To Jun from South Korea

I read what you had to say about "giving up" trying to speak as a native English speaker. Please don't give up, and I speak from personal experience.

English is my third language. I had to start from the beginning, as I couldn't speak English, even though I had learnt it at school. This was quite a few years ago, I have been a qualified Cambridge CELTA/ESOL teacher for the last ten years.

If I can do it, others can, as well. If you truly want to. I have always loved the English language, and yes, it is time consuming and yes, it is hard work. Anything worth getting is worth fighting for. Good luck.

[ECO 365]

wow, great essay. I rewriting this essay

[johnson Elizabeth]

Thanks Simon, i wish You can mark what we posted last week so That Our writting skills can be assessed by each writter.it wil also give room for improvement.

[sawsan]

Hi everybody,

i am new here i want to know through you how can i ask Simon some questions so that he will see and answer me?
second,if i dont understand exactly the topic of writing task 2(as this for example what should i do ?)
fnally,as i am new here should i go to all past pages of this website to get the most benefit or it is enough to follow the new ones from now?

please answer me,i really need help and guide.

[saba]

Dear simon i have bought your ebook its really helping me out but i am having confusion about agree disagree intro if i give a balanced opinion and discussion essay when it ask about your opinion . Are they same ??

[ayakut]

Hi Simon. I have 2 questions if you answer them, I will appreciate.

In speaking test, the 3rd part has a more contribution than Part 1 is it true ?
And in writing part 1, İ made a big mistake , I wrote "had rose" rather than "had risen". I think
if I didn't made this mistake, my score for writing 1 would be 7.5 or 8. How is it affect my score please tell me

[ayakut]

@sawsan
1. I think you should improve your vocabulary to understand questions at least. However, you may still do not understand some words in question. In this case you should write based on the words you understand.
2. You should definetly read all topics in this website, they will be benefical for you. It will be better if you fully examine the essays which get band 9.

[fbms]

Hi simon:
'...and in turn a more productive and prosperous nation'
Why do you use in turn plus a noun here?
I think in turnshould followed by a verb phrase.

[Sana]

Thank you sjm..

[Punit]

In fact the quality education has always been a vital aspect of a child's development to secure his/her adult life it has nothing to do with the education is gained from the govt. schools or private schools.
However, private schools are tended more compared to the govt. schools, these days. In fact, the people, who have had private schools during their school time, are found more intelligent and successful while comparing with the percentage of the people who had completed their education through Govt. schools. These lead families to introduce their child in a private school rather than the Govt. school. However, I would concede it that families who are likely to make their child in a private school should pay the taxes in order to improve the state education system.
 
Let’s see why they need to pay the taxes. Virtually, the fund which is being collected by the state govt. via tax income will be used to improve the education system and for advanced learning, in govt. schools. So that the families, who can’t afford their child to get into a private school can peacefully enter their child in govt. school. They will be satisfied with the technologies and teaching system adopted by the govt. schools.
 
I believe that the families, themselves should realize that quality education plays an important part to develop the country actually. So that they should be loyal with the tax system constituted by the government. Gradually, the private schools as well as the govt. schools will develop with a same purpose, the purpose of providing the advanced and quality education. Possibly, the importance of both private schools and govt. schools would be the same even.
 
To conclude, the taxes, being paid by the families are going to be used in a very meaningful way. This might be a strong cornerstone of a well educated society and country.

[Punit]

Sir please tell me how many bands i may get for the above essay.?

[Simon]

FROM SIMON:

I'm afraid I no longer have time to answer everyone's questions individually. However, I do still read them all, and I try to use them as the basis for future lessons here on the site.

[mohammed]

I actually have so confuse about how can identify what kind of essay I will write about. I need some one helo me about it>

Thank you.

[Shishir Jathar]

Dear Mr. Simon,

I am writing to express my appreciation for your guidance and also the contents of solved examples which are of very high quality.

Every letter and essay I read on this site was very meaningful and tactfully written down without missing out any important points. The approach of writing is very systematic and the organization seems to be perfect. I hope to learn a thing or two and make use of it during my IELTS examination on 10th July.

Looking at the contents of examples, I feel that, to write a good essay it is not only important to have good knowledge of English vocabulary and grammar but also have very clear thoughts and a good analytical mind. In my opinion, this cannot be developed within short span of IELTS preparation and it should be a long term mind training from early studentship.

Many of us are ignorant about a lot of current affairs and the general issues affecting human beings and the society. Therefore, it can become a difficult task to lay down important, meaningful and analytical statements in the essay. I find that the cause of this lies in our eduction system. Especially in India, the education and examination where students are expected to simply reproduce what is written in the text books. This system forces the students to memorize and not analyze their study topics.

I would be very happy to hear from you and understand what is your expert opinion on the points I made above.

Yours sincerely,
Shishir Jathar

[Simon]

Thanks Shishir. I agree with you, and I hope you continue to find my lessons useful.

[Mh]

Hello Punit ,

I'm trying to comment on your essay.

First you did not enough about Task achievement in your essay. You left some parts unanswered. This reduces your score in terms of " Task achievement to 5.5-6".And also you did a lot of mistakes in terms of word choice and grammar. And wha I can say about coherence and cohesion is "presents information with some
organisation but there may be a lack of
overall progression" that is "5" based on IELTS description.
Lexical resource:attempts to use less common
vocabulary but with some
inaccuracy

Your introduction gives no clue to reader to find out what the topic about?? Moreover, some words choice appeared here such as “ the education is gained from the gove. Plus do not use contraction such “ gov. instead of government)

( Again in terms of Task achievement you did poor, you already focused on how important education is but say nothing about reasons whether parents should pay taxes or not+ on occasions I see that you try to use a variety of grammar it’s good but be careful of using those sentences of you are not sure about in this case try to use as simple as you can to avoid those mistakes
Some mistakes:
Private schools are tended more compared to the govt. schools????
In fact, the people, who have had private schools during their school time, are found more intelligent and successful while comparing with the percentage of the people who had completed their education through Govt. schools( In fact, people who attend private schools are more likely to become intelligent students and succeed in their lives compared to those who has completed their education at public schools. )
++ introduce = enrol

I'm afraid I cannot correct all the sentences because it takes too much time and it's too late now.

But I guess your score would be 5-6 . Hope this short comments will help.

[aada]

I really love the phrase "finance concession". I will try to use it in my essay when there is a chance,

LOVE LOVE YOU SIMON - AADA

[Will]

Hi guys,

Does anyone can help clarify this please?
I was told for agree or disagree essay, I MUST take one side by stating that I agree OR I disagree, rather than covering both sides.

But what I learned from Simon's blog is that I definitely can say something like "While I understand A, my personal belief is B", and I state A in body paragraph 1, B in body paragraph 2.

Take the private school topic as example, can I go the following way?

"While I see some ground reasons to support taxes reduction for those families, however, I am personally opposed to this view because it is neither practical nor reasonable"

Body paragraph 1: On the one hand, there are ground reasons to support taxes reduction...

Body paragraph 2: Nevertheless, taxes reduction is not practical nor reasonable...

Please help clarify if this is appropriate for "agree or disagree" tasks. Appreciated!

Thanks,
-Will

[Nguyen Khac Hung]

Hello Will,

I'm new here but I think I can answer your concern. The topic Question here is "To what extent..", please pay attention to the last word. Basically, "extent" means you have 3 options, namely: Agree, Disagree and providing neutral ideas

If the Topic question is " Do you agree or disagree", you have to select one of them

Hope this help

Hung

[Amr Yahia]

Dear Simon,
My teacher told me before that I should not mention pronouns like I, we or you in my essay.
He recommended me that I can express my opinion in passive voice.

[Joel]

Dear Simon

Could I ask a question about your essay?
This topic does not ask your "opinion", so is it appropriate to use "in my opinion" in the essay? Thank you for answering the question.:)

[bisma]

hi simon i recently got my ielts result
L 8
S 8
R 9
W 6.5
DO U THINK I WILL BE BENEFITTED FROM REMARKING....

[Munish]

Hi Simon,

How you rate below essay:

It's often discussed in public forms, whether parents who select private schools over state funded schools for their children education, should be excepted or not from paying taxes which facilitate state funded schools. In some states, the states owned schools are very badly managed and thus, parents are forced to send their children to private schools. Private schools are often very expensive and on top of it, states taxes put the families in financial stress. However, state government school helps and enables children of low income families to get education. Also, it enables a platform, where rich and poor
children study under the same roof and thus helping a peaceful sociality. State education system is essential especially for low and middle income families, but we have to even check that families who send their children to private school should not be overburdened.

The quality of some states school are really bad because of which some middle class families are forced to send their children to private school. This family complains that on top of high private school fees they have to pay taxes to support state owned school. They argue that if states owned schools where providing the quality education, they would have send their children in state school rather than the private one’s with hefty fees.

However, no one can argue the importance and benefits of state education system. It's this system which provides education to most of states children. Tax exception to parents who send their children to private school, will worsen effect states education system in many ways. Firstly, it will decrease the states funds for education. Secondly, it will encourage high and middle income group parents to send their children to private schools, leaving just low income group family children’s in states owned schools and thus creating a social division based on income. States education system should remain the primary source of education and everyone in states should contribute to it, so that state has sufficient funds to provide a quality education for everyone.

In conclusion, I strongly feel that state funded education should be promoted in order to have peaceful social order and should be supported by everyone. Though, we have seen that some state funded school
education quality level is not satisfactory. But, tax exception for parents of private going children is not the right solution. We should ask our politicians to work for the improvement of our left behind state owned schools.

Thanks,
Munish

[ziaul Huda]

Hi Will,
Youcan use sentence while in a balanced opinin essay. I mean If you are not completely agree or disagree. If you are completely agree or disagree, then it would be a strong opinion essay. For example, the private school essay written by Simon is a strong opinion essay.It clearly shows that why parents of children who attend private schools should not pay?

[Oanhthuy]

Dear Will,
This is my opinion on your questions.
In the "to what extent do you agree or disagree" essay and other types of essay that ask you to give your opinion, you can give strong answers (agree/disagree) or balanced opinion.
Therefore, when you state clearly in the intro that you partly agree by using "while" phrase, you definitely can develop your essay like the one you posted above

[shahida]

hi all,
It is always better to give both point of view ,whether u agree or disagree.Because on the basis of both sides u can prove whisv side u favour and why.I have personally experienced that with a difference of band score.
thanks

[Shashi Shrestha]

Hi Simon.
I just finished my IELTS test today. It was alright except writing task 2. The question is as follow:

People very busy in using communication technology.

What are the effects that communication technology that occurs in family, friemds and other relations.

I wrote as my answer like this:

- i made a introduction.
- i wrote positive things of communication technology with some examples
firstly, second and thirdly.
- and in my third paragraph, i wrote disadvantages and effects.
- i conclude the essay in my fourth paragraph.

Overall, i went to the off track in the essay. Does it effects my score? Do i get 6 in this essay or not? Please reply me.

I will be waiting for your response.

Kindly yours,

Shashi Shresths

[Mia Nguyen]

Hi all, I will resit for IELTS test by October in pursuit increasing my writing score from 6 to 7. Do you have any useful tips or material that can share with me?
My email address is as below. I would really appreciate if you all can help me. Many thanks
[email protected]

[Robert]

I don't know for sure, but personally I think this essay may have gone into another direction instead of answering the essay question.
It seems to me that the essay question was not promptly addressed.

[shams shaikh]

Hi,
I m about to appear in ielts academic examination but worry about my writting task II can u judge my essay if i post it and sort out the error as well as pattern.

thanks

[Akhtar]

Dear sir,
You have used Personal Pronoun (I). I have learnt that this will cut marks at the IELTS.
Am i correct?

[Simon]

Read this lesson Akhtar:

http://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2012/01/ielts-writing-task-2-using-the-word-i.html

[Myla]

Superb! Very helpful indeed! Highly appreciated....

[ngochoa]

Hi Simon and every one. This is my essay. I want you check for me. with my essay. can it achieve how band ?. Thanks a lot
It is argue some families suppose that if they give their children into private schools, they will not have to contribute taxes to assist (assistant) the nation education system. Personally, I absolutely disagree with that idea (view, thinking). Some reasons I can give follow :
The first reason. Pupils are learing at the private school often are borned in rich family. They have many well conditions than different (diffirent) pupils. They need to support for education nation. The taxes which They contribute is used to build many new school and facilities for poor and difficult pupil. That thing show (express, represent) responsibility of them with communities. For example : at the moment : Viet Nam still has many poor provinces such as : Lai Chau province, Dac Lac Province…. The education of them face much difficult : the students do not have enough books, pens, clothes (clothers) to go to school. Meanwhile in Ha Noi. There are many pupils are learned with well condition at private school. In their classroom has the most complete, sufficient modern device such as : lelevision, internet.. Therefore need to share between (beetwen) private and public school to have a better education.
The second reason. All persons must pay taxes education. That doing are their responsibility and interest with society. In my opinion. If pupils learn at private school not have to pay taxes for nation. I think that almost pupils will choose learn at private school. Because All conditions at there are better than public school. So, If that thing happen. nation will not have money to develop a strong (streng) education. Follow me. To have a good education in all area of the nation. All people have to pay taxes to support the state education system
In conclusion. I believe that all pupils have to pay taxes to assist (assistant) for nation education system although they learn at private school or public school. That thing help goverment have enough money to develop education system

[nina]

It is sometimes argued that parents of children who study at private schools should be exempted from paying the taxes that are used for supporting the state education system. I strongly disagree with this idea.
There are various reasons why all families, including those whose children go to private schools, should contribute to the state educational tax system. Firstly, it would be hard to calculate the exact amount of tax reduction for these families, and many experienced and skilled staff would be required to do such tasks. Secondly, we all pay tax for public services which we may never use. For instance, some people are lucky enough not to use police service or hospitals although they support these services through taxes. Finally, if people who use private education were not entitled to pay tax for state education service, we might face a situation that the poor would pay more tax than the rich.
In my opinion, we should all be happy to pay our share of money for supporting the public schools. It would be beneficial for every member of the society because all people will have access to the same facilities with equal opportunities for everybody to study. This will lead to a productive and prosperous country. Also, parents of children who study at private schools will see the benefits of this. For example, if a company needs to employ the competent staff, there will always be enough well-educated workforce graduated from the well-funded education system.
In conclusion, I believe that there should be any tax discount for the families of students who choose to send their children to private schools.

[Ahmad bhatti]

I can best write essay than you , simon
You can contact with me . I will give you
Some batter tip's for essay writing. 😊

[Bilal Hassan]

are you from pakistan Ahmad Bhatti