IELTS Writing Task 2: from plan to paragraph

If you have a 5-idea plan, it should be relatively easy to write a paragraph. Just make each point in your plan into a sentence. For example:

5-idea plan for "why people prefer foreign films"

1. Topic sentence - several reasons
2. First reason - budgets for action, special effects, spectacular locations
3. Example - Hollywood blockbusters like Avatar or James Bond films
4. Second reason - the most famous actors, actresses and directors
5. Final reason - poor quality local filmmaking in many countries

Full paragraph with 5-sentences (one for each idea)

There are several reasons why many people find foreign films more enjoyable than the films produced in their own countries. Firstly, the established film industries in certain countries have huge budgets for action, special effects and to shoot scenes in spectacular locations. Hollywood blockbusters like ‘Avatar’ or the James Bond films are examples of such productions, and their global appeal is undeniable. Another reason why these big-budget films are so successful is that they often star the most famous actors and actresses, and they are made by the most accomplished producers and directors. The poor quality, low-budget filmmaking in many countries suffers in comparison.

(106 words)

Comments

[Tu]

Hi Simon and all,

Below is a paragraph that I wrote, please feel free to put any correction, comment, or improvement. I do really appreciate that.

DRAWBACKS OF STUDYING ABROAD

While it can not be denied that overseas education benefits students in many aspects, it also comes with several disadvantages and drawbacks. Living and studying abroad can be overwhelming especially for teenagers or young students. They not only have to find accommodation and pay bills by themselves but also deal with any possible live issues such as transportation, relationships or even crime. Furthermore, living alone in an unfamiliar culture can cause homesickness which may cause serious depression or bad academic results. Language barrier can also be a problem as many people find it is challenging to study a foreign language. Finally, overseas students may have problems with paperwork sich as visa applications or scholarship certifications before departure.

[jacky]

'disadvantages and drawbacks' use only one of them, it is kind of repetitive. overall, the ideas presented in the paragraph are excellent, but they are poorly organized as if they were mechanically put in to sentences. Also, it doesn't need to too many ideas in one paragraph, two or there are enough, they need to be well developed by giving details.

[jay patel]

Avoid uaing aspect. Use in many ways.

Commas are missing. Before but,
Living-instead of live
Use firstly, secondly and finally to connect your points

[Kaz]

Hi Simon,

Is the sentence below correct? Can I use conditionals for task 2?

If governments support local filmmakers with subsidies, the quality of locally produced films will increase and subsequently the local filmmakers will be able to compete internationally.

[Jay Patel]

Hi Kaz,

I am not the expert but I feel that the above sentence could be improved by this way.

Instead of using increase - use improve

[Kaz]

Hi Jay,

I think that is a good suggestion. Thank you!

[Jay Patel]

Kaz,

Where are you from? Do you want to practice for speaking? I scored 7.5 last time and need to improve my writing score.

[Tu Nguyen]

Thank Jacky and Jay for the comment, that helps me to figure out some of my weaknesses.
Wishing you the best

[Tu Nguyen]

Dear Simon and folks,

I composed another essay, hope it's better than the previous one. Please feel free to correct me or suggest with any improvement. Thanks in advance.

EDUCATION PROBLEMS IN DEVELOPING COUNTRIES.

In many developing countries, having a chance to go to school is still a dream of many children. the most common answers that I have received for the question "why don't you go to school?" when interviewing children and teenagers who dropped out of school in the South East Asia countries are "I have to go to work to support my parents" or "My dad told me that my family can not afford schooling". Truly, there is an alarming fact that many children at school age are working hard for a living instead of reading books or doing homework. For their parents, having something to feed the whole family immediately is more imminent than investing in the future. Another reason is that there are no school in many areas especially in remote and mountainous regions. Pupils even have to walk up to 20Km to reach the nearest school. All of these barriers are making the dream to access advanced education or entering universities of children in these countries unachievable. (169 words)

[jay patel]

Hi Tu,

If you are writing a paragraph for IELTS then 169 is too much. It is good to keep a body paragraph to 90 to 110 words.

I have tried to rewrite with ideas you have shared.

Attending school is still a dream to many children in developing countries because of the several reasons. One of the main reasons why children do not get education is that their parents are not able to pay their tuition fees. In addition to this, these children are even expected to financially support their families by working at restaurants and other domestic sectors. Another reason why education is still out of reach to many children is because of the lack of infrastructure in many remote and mountainous areas. Schools are far away from their residence and sometimes pupils have to commute a long distance everyday. All these barriers are making their access to university education impossible.

[Clary]

Hi, Simon and all
Can anyone write one good paragraph fir this topic
Topic.
Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold.
Do you agree orr disagree?

[jay patel]

Hi Clary,

Here is my answer to the essay you have posted. Please let me know how it is.

It is true that people spend enormous money in buying the products which are often not required to have under the influence of advertisements. In my opinion, I agree with the view that the increased sales of some products are the results of the invasion on people's mind by multinational companies through aggressive marketing.

One of the main reasons why marketing increases the sales of the product is that the advertisements often create a false picture that by buying their products, people would be happy and their problems would be solved. They claim that their products are the best in the market in order to make their life better. Furthermore, the special discounts on 'Thanks Giving Day' in the USA and 'Boxing Day' in Australia encourage people to buy the products which they may already have. This has lead to a consumer culture in many countries. For example, television advertisements of electronic goods like mobile phones, tablets and computers by online shopping website Amazon has invaded my mind so much that I buy a new phone every year.

Another reason is that many products such as shoes, cloths and food are endorsed by the most famous actors, actresses and sportsmen. These famous personalities have huge fan following all over the world and the products can easily reach to people because of their personality and global appeal that they have. For examples, the sales of Adidas's sports shoes has been increased dramatically since the Tennis star Roger Federer has become their brand ambassador.

In conclusion, I believe that an effective advertisement campaign is the key reason in the increased selling of some products.
(272 worlds)

[Tu Nguyen]

Thanks Jay Patel for your efforts, that really helped me.

BTW, one question came into my mind when writing the essay is that how I know my essay have enough advanced vocabulary for band 7 or more. I mean, some words are quite familiar to me such as "remote and mountainous areas" or "school age" but I don't know how the essay look like from the view of a native speaker or examiner.

Figuring out this can help me to self evaluate my writing

Thanks again

[jay patel]

Thanks Tu,

Like you I am also not a native speaker and therefore could not make any comments on your question. I follow simon's post and what I learn from this is that you need to have topic related vocabulary. Try to learn alternative worlds to avoid repeating the world. For example, children, students, pupil, school going children, individuals..

Sentence creating, structure and grammar also play a major role.

[Clary]

Thank you very much, it really helped me Jay Patel.

[nurlana]

Hello,
Please, give me some ideas about this topic(NOT FULL ESSAY, please)
Modern technology has made it easier for individuals download copyright music and books from the Internet for no charge.
To what extent it is positive or negative development?

[Jay Patel]

1. Cyber crimes in many countries are very difficult to tackle because of incompetent and untrained police officers.
2. Many websites allows user to share files on internet without any restrictions and authentication of their ownership. People do misuse them.
3. For example, websites like torrentz provide file sharing and downloading facilities.

Ideas on negative development.
1. Owners and publishers lose enormous money in form of royalty and copyright when their material is downloaded on internet at free of cost.
2. This not only affects the income of the individuals but also make huge cut in governments’ revenue through various taxes collected from sales of these material.
3. If the piracy continues, this would demotivate scholars to invest in research and design activities.

[Sachin]

Nice work jay!!
Are u frm Gujarat??

[Sachin]

Can u help me in improving my writing because I got only 5.5 in writing in my first attempt of ielts exam !!

[kit]

Hi Simon,
Can you make a lesson with this topic?
"Nowadays, distance-learning programs have gained in popularity(those teaching programmes that involve the use of written materials, video, television and the internet)but some people argue that courses can never be taken as good as those by attending a college or university in person. To what extent do you agree or disagree"

[Jay Patel]

Yes Sachin. share your email or skype id. I also need to improve writing.

[Sachin]

Hi jay can u say which place do u belong in Gujarat??

[Sachin]

I'm frm mansa Gujarat!!

[Rupali gill]

3/65 Camden Road

[Sachin]

Hi jay
Can u reply me or give me ur mail id!!

[sonia]

Hi simon
My test is on 4 july could you plz suggest me some of tips about writing like about writing task whts your view or what you think pkease help me

[Sophia]

i just finish my speaking exam in the morning,the second will be on this Saturday.I just find this web is so helpful.Thank you Simon

[sasidhar]

hey everybody can anybody give some tips for task 2, tomorrow is my exam date and, i really need some tips as i am writing this for third time, every time i am loosing marks in writing task. i really need some tips to get good score.

please any body help me to get good score

thanks in advance

[Hamza]

Hi everybody,
Firstly I am new here n wriyng any post first time.I'm going to have my test in august am not fully prepared not even partially but I think I could gei 6.5 in reading and writing easily...but the problem I am facing in speaking and writing...I am appearing in test the very first time I am familiar with the module and practiced as much as I can...but I need some help and kind suggestions...

[Hamza]

Reading and listening are easy for me..I need help in speaking and writing.my writing style is very childish.. And it is very difficult for me to make short. Sentences...another problem is with vocabulary how can I increase my topic vocabulary as some topics of speaking are totally irrelevant to my knowledge...

[Hamza]

So sir Jay Patel...can you help me as I feel you are very helpful for others

[Nan]

Hi Simon,
Your blog is such a great source for ilets. One of the best as far as I know.
My question is about planning. Honestly, I make alot of mistakes on correcting my essay as I write, which makes my essay abit eligible to read. Evetually I try to spend mire time in planning to avoide adding)correcting Ideas on the orginal copy. Like below issues:-
1/ my planning gets too long that i end up 8 to 10 minutes in planning the four sections only
2/ I usually need time to review my essay as it always miss some punctuations and links and time is very lumited.
My exam scheduled next week I have been practicing alot. I believe strong planning leads to strong essay. But am worry am spending to much time planning to avoide corrections and mistakes in Mt essay.
Appreciate your prompt response?