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August 19, 2015

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introduction:give the topic and demonstrate that i am completely disagree.
body graph: there are risks of letting people who have been in prison teach teenagers
body graph: there are many appropriate ways to teach young people
conclusion: paraphase my opinion.

hi,simon and guys. what i mention above is right?

introduction-completely agree.
body- The people who have committed crime are well aware of the consequences they have faced.So they can teach young kids the drawbacks of doing a crime and how to avoid it in future.
Example- can give one example(may be produced)
Conclusion- I personally agree that prisoners who have became good citizens should be given a chance to interact with today's generation.

It is very true that some criminals do become good citizens after serving their term in prison. Youngsters learn things better if quoted with examples and a living example would definitely be very well used in such situation.Some criminals realise what they have done wrong and can give a vivid experience on why crime can never be hidden and no matter how much you try to get rid of the evidences the law will take its course in due time.
Whenevr i was taught something and if it was quoted with a living example it immediately connected with me and retained in the mind for a very long time. For example in physics learning theory might not gain that much idea about the topic if we do not do any practical experiment.
Infact some past criminals write their biography and it becomes a best seller and go on selling like hotcakes.This is also an evidence that people do want to know more about the crimes commited and how to avoid doing them.
if a criminal with changed mind gets to involve with the teenagers and answering their queries about the dangers of crime ,it would definitely go a long way in preventing major crimes in the future.

Introduction : question whether or not inmates who return to the society ~~~~ I completely agree with this opinion

Body 1 : It plays an important role in educating students by using their real experience
-It is commonly said that their personal experience may have the benefits/positive effect on adolescents to protect potential crime
-Through their real story, it may give a chance adolescents to think about the danger of crime.

Body 2 :it may be meaningful chance for students
- Most ex-convict may suffer from insurmountable adversities such as prejudice or discrimination from ordinary people when they return to the community
- Thus, if students have an opportunity to meet them and hear about impressive story, they will have a chance to introspect their lives as well as students may understand wrongdoer's resilience.
- As a result, it could help to form the social inclusion through understanding them

Conclusion
It is said that it leads to increase a likelihood of committing a copycat crime after listen to their story, However, I personally believe that the advantages of using them in terms of education outweigh the drawback.

Hi Simon

I have learnt your writing style for a long time. I also tried to write the whole essay for this question, and this is my work. Can you give me a few comments or just a advise about whether I have followed the right direction ?

Anyway, thank you for your valuable lessons on this website.

My essay:

Some people argue that by attending a talk given by decent residents who was imprisoned in the past, youngster will be fully warned to the risk they forced to incur when having an illegal behavior. Personally, I completely agree with this idea.

There are several reasons why former offenders could contribute to raise awareness among the young about dangers of committing crimes. The first reason is that real stories about people’s circumstances could attract extra attention compared to the conventional type of instruction. As a result, juvenile tends to be able to fully comprehend not only the story content but also the messages that adults try to deliver to them. Furthermore, by participating in these talks, pupils will have an opportunity to discuss with the person who had broken law. As each student has a personal viewpoint, they could draw their own conclusions rather than following the general summary provided in traditional class.

Apart from the practical benefits expressed above, it seems to me that the involvement of lawbreakers in educating adolescence could have favorable impacts on society, such as reducing the government expenditure on education. This is due to the fact that if past criminals play leading role in the instruction given to students, state budget will not have to subsidize the training courses for teachers who used to be the instructors. For example, after being released, Jordan Belfort, a well-known financial offender, has visited to various high schools in the USA to tell his story and its adverse effects as well as the punishment he suffered. Thanks to such useful warnings, students might be aware of the jeopardy they must face when committing a finance-related crime without any considerable cost for schools.

In conclusion, it seems to me that both students and community could take advantage of ex-lawbreakers’ participation in education.

Individuals have suggested that offenders who have been sentenced to prison should be encouraged to share their stories with pupils after they are released. Personally, I disagree with this idea.


It is evident that the only reason why ex-offenders should share their experience is that school students could potentially be deterred from committing crimes after realising the price that they have to pay for breaking the laws. However, I believe this to be a very shortsighted view. Firstly, young people could easily be misguided by the crime details shared by ex-prisoners, which means that they could attempt these criminal acts out of curiosity, unbeknownst to their parents, and result in committing real crimes. Secondly, it is possible for a wrongdoer who has been released from cell to become a repeat offender in the future. If children witnessed their once rehabilitated role model has become a convicted criminal again, they would perhaps lose their faiths in the legal system and society.


In my opinion, it would be more effective for people who have a clean criminal record to promote crime prevention in schools. Police officers, for example, are the ideal candidate to provide students with advice on how to prevent crimes and stay safe. It is almost certain that these law enforcers have extensive experience in fighting against various types of crimes, and they also have better understanding of the punishment for convicted criminal than the offender. As a result, school students not only could learn the consequences of breaching the laws, but also how to resist the temptation of breaking them.


In conclusion, I do not believe that people who have been jailed should be allowed to share their experience in schools, and I think there are better approaches to educate children in becoming a law-abiding citizen.

Juvenile delinquency has been,particularly in the past few decades, given high attention by adults. On the issue whether or not those who had once been sent to prison could help youngster from committing crimes, I completely approve that this should be encouraged and promoted.

psychologists and educationists have found a wealthy of evidence that children tend to learn more from practical cases rather than from books and classrooms.those who become good citizens after serving a sentence,fortunately, are vivid educational material for kids,young adults could gain a better understanding about the risk of crime by talking directly to these vivid 'teachers' as the real story is more likely to be accepted by children.Consequently, it is possible that these young adults perform better in order to prevent themselves from being a criminal just like their 'teachers' did. More importantly, such a knowledge about crime could spread quickly among peer ages.

Moreover,these good citizens with police records could to some extent gain a more profound understanding towards life and living. Therefore,they can teach children about crime using their own experiences in a totally different way. Supposing that these people could have opportunities to help kids, not just children but also they themselves could benefit considerably from that. For instance, children can nurture an appropriate perspective about their lives and future and these ex-convicts and obtain some financial support. In contrast,students' knowledge concerning crime that taught by ordinary methods might not last comparing with that taught by vivid 'teachers'.

Given all above,I personally believe that parents should be encouraged to help children receive such a education given good citizens with criminal record.

Introduction: paraphrasing the topic along with stating my opinion ( I completely agree)

paragraph I: They could be the rightest person to explain, what kind of life is expecting in prison.
a- How difficult is life in jail or to be incarcerated. (example)
b- They can share some terrible feeling in prison such as being apart from family, real friends or freedom.
c- life in prison can be fragile with an unsure future.

Paragraph II: Teenagers listen more to their advice because:
a- They are mostly younger than their parents and sometimes close to their age group.
b- There are a kind of sympathy between teenagers and the rebellious groups in society.
c- They see a true consequence of breaking the law.

Sorry , I forgot the conclusion part.

Conclusion: Paraphrasing the introduction.

Ant this is my essay:

It is sometimes argued that criminals who have returned to their right way of life after spending their time in jail are the best adviser for young people. I completely agree with this point of view.

I believe that convicts who start a correct and normal life after spending their jail time are the best person to explain to young people their experiences. They can provide the most reliable information about how the life in a prison would be. For example, they can describe how the room, food and living with other inmate might be there and help them to compare this kind of life with a usual normal life. They can also share some of their terrible experiences in jail, such as being apart from family, friend with limitation of their freedom. Moreover, they also can broadcast other disadvantages of being against law, as how fragile and unsure a person’s future might be.

There are also some reasons to believe that young adult have a particular tendency towards these former convicts’ advices. Firstly, they are mostly younger than teenagers’ parents or guardians, so there are more chance that instructions from them to be listened. Secondly, there have always been all kinds of sympathy between young people and rebellious groups in societies. For example, most of successful movies among teenagers have as protagonist a person against actual law, such as Zorro or Spiderman. Finally, young people also can truly see the negative consequences of breaking the law and returning to right way.

In conclusion, I believe that freed prisoners who cleared their precedents by being a good citizen have the most effective road map for young people about the drawbacks of breaking the law.

Please mark my essay. How much would I score for this.
It is true that people engaged in criminal activities may become an honest person in their later life. Since they are familiar with the consequences related to crime, I believe it would be perfect if they participate in teaching younger generation about the negative aspects of crime, and there are various reasons in favour.
First of all, criminals know crime better than any other individual: they know why people commit crime and how; knows what is happening on criminal mind; and they are well aware of the mentality of crime. If these people, who realize their wrongdoing and want to be a better person, are allowed to interact with adult, then they would share their experience of living in a pain - such as how hard life would become afterwards, the social discrimination put on them from community and so on. In addition, they would likely give advice to young children about how to make a distance from crime, after all, they are the one who faced it.
Secondly, most teenagers are likely to know the negative consequences of crime. Having guidance from criminal minded people may mean that they are exposing themselves to crime, and as a result they feel the sorrow, grief and punishments as similar to those involved in crime. As for example, teenagers could learn how people become criminals; what would be life after committing crime; what type of losses criminals have to bear in their life. These sorts of information certainly help adolescents to live a healthy life full of happiness and self awareness. And who else could have such information beside these people?
In conclusion, knowledge should be given to teenagers about the negative aspects of committing crime, and because such people- criminals who want change-are well aware of the effects of crime, they are the best people for this job.

people, who have spend their time in prison due to punishment of any crime in which they involved are mostly changed after suffering some time in prison. They can more understand about the side effects of crime.So their experience would be helpful to grow a good generation.
Prisoner are usually known as ignored people although,they must helpful to wipe out worlds garbage as know about crime as well as to pay the payment for that crime. If they talk with younger about crimes, punishments and suffering of others due to their criminal record must turned the new generation towards right path of truth.
Teenagers have some inspiration with old peoples. They really select the way for their future life after the conversation with others. they have more inspiration habit than elders. teenagers like a seeds of field. If we grow up them with carefully, they would tuned into fruit full trees otherwise they will become bush. Criminals, who have payed for their sins and have become good citizen would be good for these seeds (teenagers) to show them the clear path to run their lives.
In conclusion, I agree that the company of those criminals, who have spend their time in prisons for their crimes and have become a good citizen must be helpful for teenagers.

please some one check this essay and inform me about my mistakes. it would be definitely helpful for me

Hi tendi... I will call your essay a 6 band

Hi Khushbhakt, You have good ideas in your mind... But they are quite scattered in your written attempt... Essay 2 is more of a right combination of idea, connections, vocabulary and most important simple way of conveying your thoughts.... 6 bands buddy

Do follow Simon sir 13 sentence approach.... It's magic

Hi Aria ...
I really liked your essay . And you almost always write a very good one .
Are you a student or a teacher ..

I am a student, struggling for an all four 7.0 score for about two years.

What are you?
student too?

Hi summit..plz explain 13 sentence approach

Intro: state that I completely agree

Body paragraph 1: state that ex-prisoners may understand the circumstances that teenagers go through that may influence teens to commit crimes so they can give some useful pieces of advice on how to handle these in the right way


Body paragraph 2: state that they already experienced the disadvantages of being imprisoned so they can give teenagers a clear picture of the effects of commiting a crime. Like life in prison and life after imprisonment like difficulty getting a job later on..

And conclusion restating the introduction

It is true that the rehabilitation program helps some of inmates become a reformed person. I personally agree those true stories has been a good example for younger people learn the lesson from them and don't break the law.

In conclusion, the reformed person is the best people to disciple those ignorant teens don't involve any crime while those cases might be a good lesson are used as a deterrent against many crimes.

thank you so much sumit i really need help
thank you simon sir for this page

to discipline those ignorant teens don't involve any crime

Introduction:
There are many inmates who become useful citizens after they are released so the experience in their doing time may be worth sharing to young people. In my opinion, I completely agree with this point of view.

Paragraph 2: what the prisoners can talk
- Why they committed a crime and the best way to takle this problem
- What about the environment in prison
- Why they make effort to become a better people

Paragraph 3: Why these exprience have profound effect on teenangers
- Children would be persuated by what the inmates said because they might face with similar problems
- They would known about the punishments when they commit crimes

Conclusion:

It is true that this is often discussed that the most suitable persons to talk to younger people for getting away from the crimes will be those who have been transformed into good persons after being served in jail. From my point of view, I firmly disagree with the idea for the several reasons.

The first reason is that these people will set a bad example for teenagers rather than educating them to be good citizens. This is because young children tend to copy others’ behavior. For example, if these people are invited to deliver their speech in front of students, some students may perceive that it is not that serious for the consequences of making a crime because they believe that they still can become good citizens just like those who did speech for them. More seriously, these young students may go to do the same thing as those speakers did. Therefore, it is expected to see some bad behaviors conducted by young kids caused by these special speakers.

The second reason is that I believe the best people will be the parents, teachers and polices for preventing teenagers from breaking the law. Firstly, parents are able to demonstrate the good behaviors daily, which can greatly influence their kids to act properly. Secondly, the teachers can teach them to distinguish what are the right behaviors from bad ones, and motive them to become good civilians. Finally, police can teach teenagers by showing the penalties of those committed crimes to deter them from violating the law in the very beginning, and encourage them to do good things against evils.


In conclusion, in order to make sure teenagers obey the law, the best educations they can receive from their parents, teachers, and polices instead of those who had educated in jails.

People who return to society from prison are given opportunities to blend in with community. It is a humanitarian action aiming to help prisoners soon re-make their life after being freed. Some are really repent of what they did in the past, so they try their best to do good and useful things, like an apology for their mistakes. Therefore, some people believe that it would be the best way if these people share with school students dangers of committing a crime because they used to experience that. Personally, I partly agree with this point of view.
On the one hand, many prisoners behaved very well and showed their signs of repentance, so they were permitted to leave prison before the end of their sentence. These people can deeply understand the value of freedom and meaning of life after months and years living and being rehabilitated in jail. They may give a convincing talk based on their real experiences such as reasons why they committed crimes and profound and bitter lessons they have learnt on their path or how they were poured scorn by relatives and neighbors, or series of hard days they were judged by court of conscience, for instance. School students are at the age of developing both physically and mentally and can be very sensitive and easy to become involved with crime. Talks on crime topics by speakers who used to be criminals can be an effective way to show students telling examples. These speakers are experienced enough to give students good advices how to avoid being lured or abused by bad people, what they will lose or what serious consequences can happen if committing a crime.
On the other hand, there are also different ways to educate school students on the dangers of misdeeds. For example, legal knowledge suitable for different ages should be a compulsory subject at school aiming to build up students’ respect for the law since they are small. This is a very good idea that has been applied effectively by education units because of its practical benefits. The cooperation between schools and families in looking after and managing students closely would be another good way to help them keep far from social pitfalls.
In conclusion, in order to help school students avoid crime involving, many schools have planned to teach them identifying types of crimes and necessary skills to self-protect in case of exposure to activities that can break the law. And my belief is that the harmonious combination of these ideas might be the best choice.

@aria: I find that your essay is quite good in vocabulary term. What's your last writing test band?

Introduction: I completely disagree)
paragraph I: There could be no guaranteed that ex-prisoner become the rightest person to talk to teenagers.
a- There are not all ex-prisoner become good citizens.
b- Some of them might get worse behavior after they spend time in jail, due to prison environment, cell mate, and they might meet with other villains. (Example: )
c- It is quite hard to judge how good people after they spent time on jail.
Paragraph II: Teenagers might listen dangerous advice because:
a- Ex-prisoner do not have adequate qualification to tell teenagers what to do.
b- Teenagers might feel inspired by story of ex-prisoner.
c- It is better psychologist or criminal expert to talk to teenagers.

Here is my essay:
People have different views about whether ex-prisoner would be good people after spending time in prison and consider the best people who can talk and give advice to young people to deter them for committing a crime. I personally disagree with this idea.
There could be several reasons why people who have already spent time in jail are not suitable to share their experience. Firstly, there would be no guaranteed that an ex-prisoner would become good citizens after they spent their life in a prisoner. Secondly, in some cases, people who have already released from a jail could often become more dangerous due to they might get more advance skill in crime and more crime connections from their cellmate. For example, in my experience, some of the skillful criminals are the people who have been incarcerated to and released from jail couple of times. Finally, it is quite difficult to measure or judge how good people after they release from prison especially the one who can guide young people to stay away for committing a crime.
In addition, I would argue that the teenagers might get an extremely bad influence when they get advice from ex-prisoners. In general, people who have been left the jail do not have an adequate qualification or knowledge when they have to deal with young people, both psychology and education perspective. Furthermore, people sometimes state an argument in term of self-defense and bravery for what the things that has been done especially when they do something wrong. In some extent, it would inspire young people to listen their story to do the something bad that might it considers the heroism and bravery act. As a result, it would be better if the people who had suitable qualification to deal with teenagers to avoid committing a crime, such as psychologist or criminal expert.
In conclusion, it seems to me that some ex-prisoner could not be trusted to share their experience to teenagers and it might make a bad influence to young people. I believe that criminal expert is the one who can talk and give advice fairly to teenagers.

A famous personality once said, "The err is human; to forgive, divine". In my personal opinion, we prisoners should be given a chance to explore themselves and let the young kids know the dangers of crime.
People who have already served their crime sentence know how difficult it is to live in prison. They are the best people to describe the situation to young kids. they can guide the teenagers how to avoid a crime at all time. Even if the situation arises, they should try to find an temporary way to ease the tension of committing crime.
In conclusion, my opinion is that they should be given a chance to interact with kids and explain the dangers of crime and after consequences.

Pleaseeeeeeeee mark my essay!!
It is true that some people after imprisonment become virtuous person in society and it is also believed that they can be a role-model for young generation by sharing their personal experiences. I completely agree with this opinion.

As far as the life of a person is concerned, who leads an honorable life after going through the jail life and life of a criminal before imprisonment has several lessons to teach young generation by a great deal of good and bad experiences which he can share relating to all stages of life. Firstly,the direct effect of views which are shared by an experienced person has a lot to do with the effect on the mind of a listener, therefore this person can effectively influence teenager directly as a living example of himself rather than indirect ways of learning. Secondly,as an experienced person he can explain broadly all the positive and negative attributes of a respectful and disrespectful life, he can make young people able to differentiate the charms of life of a criminal with the actual insecurities about his life, his family loses and above all the punishments and penalties which he can face as a result of his wrongdoings. Finally, this person can deliver all the knowledge about jail life adversities which is far one of the toughest places to live where a person is surrounded by insurmountable hardships and limitations which put detrimental consequences on the mind of the person.

On the other hand, teenage is a delicate stage of life in which an individual can easily be attracted by the allure of crime without knowing their adverse effects at the same time teenage is also considered as the potential learning part of life in which a person learns by experiences and examples more instead of conventional style of learning. However, the exemplary personality attracts teenager strongly as they are inquisitive and curious to know the facts. Moreover, by exchanging views with the person who has recovered from devastating effects of criminal and prison life they can better understand the importance of leading a life at the right path and the involvement in wrongdoings can prove hazardous and ruin life completely.


In conclusion,I would say that a person who has learnt the lesson of righteousness after being imprisonment can guide the youth about vulnerability of committing a crime

@herry
6.5

Hi Aria I m struggling as well u want to do combined study with me thanks

please aria mark my essay too.. i will be thankful

It is true that several people have changed their life into a better person, after they had been released from prison. And it is believed that they are better in giving advice to young people about the negative effect of crime. I personally agree with the statement and the following essay will discuss in details about it.

To begin with, it is a fact that the public usually have negative image to ex-prisoners, but not all them have bad personality. As some prisons provide technical skill and personal development program to their prisoners, many of them have successfully followed these positive programs. These courses have changed their character and provided them with adequate skill therefore they were accepted back in the society. Many of them have learned their lessons during imprisonment, as they worked harder and became more successful than the regular people.

But in many countries, the crime rate among young people has been increasing significantly in the past few years. I believe that the best way to reduce the rate is by having some campaigns and testimonials from former prisoners who had changed their life. With their shares, it is hoped that it will open and broaden the view of the young people, about the dangerous side of crime. They would also become an effective mentor because they understand the condition of these teenagers, as they had experienced the same situation before. With their guidance, it is hoped that many teenagers will improve their life and become a better person.

In conclusion, I totally agree that some former prisoners who had changed their life would be a good advisor in explaining about the negative side of crime for the young generation.

Hi Aria & Huma,
Like you, I am too struggling to get 7 in each section for a long time. Despite getting 7+ in three parts, I always end up with below 7 in one section.

Would appreciate if you can share your contact details. We shall practice together to help each other.

completely disagree
we shall consider those former prisoners who are appropriate cases to educate immaturity youth what is committing the crime and just law, even if one of the success stories and become obedience one as a good person who has been fragile life in jail.

Introduction: I completely disagree paragraph I: it is possible to become a good citizen. but it is impossible to prove and claims those are the vivid lesson for youth
a- presumption: why ex-prisoner become good citizens. motivation? most of them are reformed to learn life skill or job training in the period
b- a good testimony is not only having an evil act after rehabilitation programme, then change,or to be a good guy but it is moving, touching the heart at the moment.

Paragraph II: who is the best person, adequate qualification shall measure
a- school educator shall take those cases with several measures(example)
b- the just law is protect every one from danger of committ crime
conclusion : summary

Hi Aria,

I'm going under the same condition as you did.
I've tried for 4 four times already and still not get it.
I'm having trouble with writing.
Are you a doctor btw?

Khushbakht: I have read your eassy, you have not used your ideas to quote the sentences. These ideas are scattered and you have used simple wording.

Please take a look once Aira's idea.. How she had sort out it

@Sara
7.0

People,who have been transformed into a law-abide-citizens after having been served to a certain sentence, are percieved to be the best advisor in terms of giving lecture to youngsters. I completely agree with this view point.
Ex-offenders after being reintegrated into a society can be encouraged to teach children about the leathal afteraffects of breaching a law or commiting a crime.The most obvious reason for this statement is that convicts have had been through the life-changing and harsh experiences of their misconducts.As they were locked in cells for a given time period by isolating from their families,friends and other life luxuries. Which led them to scrutinize their agrresive behaviours by ruminating about all acts of violences in a seggregative groups of cells.As a result, they will become much more awared about all the differences between harsh life of a prison and a life of any productive member of a society. So , they can debate on every possible consequence of conviction in an intensively detailed and holistic way.
At the same time, youngsters will be much more engaged in listening to an experienced person. As this is inevitabke, people are more prone to attract towards real stories rather than any written speaches that are available in hundreds of law books.Furthermore,students would more likely to give attention to the punitive consequences of violating acts of these people.Finally , if ex-offenders encouraged to teach about the criminal activities related outcomes,it will allow them to elaborate all kind of scenarios as well as unhealthy environments in which people tend to commit violence. Ultimately, crime rate will be reduced by combating these conviction oriented enviornments or situations.

In conclusion, ex-criminals can be helpful in generatin a more productive nations by imforming children about the ugly face of criminal acts from an early stage in schools.

PLEASE ANYONE CAN ASSESS MY WRITING .. WOULD BE HIGHLY APPRECIATED.


People,who have been transformed into a law-abide-citizens after having been served to a certain sentence, are perceived to be the best advisor in terms of giving lecture to youngsters about the danger of committing offence. I completely agree with this view point.

Ex-offenders after being reintegrated into a society can be encouraged to teach children about the lethal after-effects of breaching a law or committing a crime.The most obvious reason for this statement is that convicts have had been through the life-changing and harsh experiences of their post misconducts.As they were locked in cells for a given time period by isolating from their families,friends and other life luxuries. This practise of punishment had led them to scrutinise their aggressive behaviours,criminal convictions and ill-doings.As a result, they have become much more knowledgeable about the differences between harsh life of a prison and a life of any productive member in egalitarian society. So , they can debate on all endured consequence of conviction in an intensively detailed and holistic way.


At the same time, youngsters will be much more engaged by listening to an experienced person. As this is inevitable that people are prone to attract more towards real stories rather than any written lessons that can be found in hundreds of law books.Furthermore,students would likely to be more attentive to these punitive laws or measures of their violating actions.Finally , if ex-offenders provided an opportunity to teach about the crime-related outcomes,it will not only allow them to elaborate the results of wrongdoings but also will help them to tell about any possible scenario or unhealthy environment in which people tend to commit violence. Ultimately, crime rate will be reduced by avoiding these conviction-oriented environments..

In conclusion, ex-criminals can be helpful in generating a more productive nations by informing children, about the ugly outcomes of criminal acts, from a very early stage in schools.

Hi Simon,
Can you please help me with this topic ? I'm absolutely stucking with it.
"compare the advantages and disadvantages of three of the following as media for communicating information. state which you consider to be the most effective."
comics
books
radio
television
film
theatre
And please advise me what to do when I know nothing about the topic. Thanks

suggest a 4-paragraph plan for a 'strong opinion'

Introduction: paraphrasing the topic /stating my opinion (I completely agree)
paragraph I: yes , they are best person -who? the right person e.g. drug abuse, gambler to express clear for teenagers about sin, quilt, consequences of crime
/redemption
- be a repent person,reflection while in incarcerated, e.g. listen real story from older offender(hibitual offender) by chance. example Dr. Lee who was ex offencer now make a speech in cell for delinquent

Paragraph II: admissible perspective / second chance life /extremely show road map rather than some of mislead infromation e.g. moive , internet media
- (example ex- prisons who is industring now and become a college student in USA)

conclusion :

Thank so much wahab...can you please give me some suggestions to improve my writing..

@Sara: No Problem, actually while reading your & other member's eassy, i am getting much info.

I got lot of ideas and vocabulary from your eassy. Keep writing and sharing your ideas with all of us.

Please Evaluate:

There is no doubt that crime rates dramatically increased over the last few years. Some criminal managed themselves as good human beings while their stay in prisons. One of the reasons is that they have practically seen the problems and sacrifice they have to make. Some people argue that these are the best examples of creating awareness about crimes in teenagers. However, others state that a person with criminal background will not leave indispensable impression on people minds.
Firstly, it is the duty of government and the people to identify the aspects of crimes in teenagers. After that, there should be workshop and seminars which highlight the consequences of committing crimes. It is also the responsibility of parents and guardian to have an eye on their children activities. While making little efforts, one can save many criminal activities in their surroundings.
Secondly, People who were the part of immoral doings; become good citizen after prison could help teenager in eradicating this sin. They have personally experienced all the suffering they have to go through after compelling crime. They know the possible reason, why and how youngster involved in such cruel doings. Their worlds would leave in-deniable impressions on people minds and will help to eliminate crime from the society.
Finally, I strongly believe that once a criminal is not always a criminal. If one has regret about his past and has changed himself should be treated like a normal human being. Furthermore, they could help teenager from crimes while telling them about their sacrifice of time, health and family.

Crime education for school students has long been a major topic of concern in society. There is a common belief that talks by ex-prisoners should be held at school to inform students of the threats when a crime is committed. While I accept that this practice is beneficial in a few ways, I believe there are many better measures of crime prevention.

There are certain benefits of having ex-prisoners talking to students about the hazards that are associated with crimes. The most obvious benefit is to educate students about the general knowledge of crimes. Those who committed a crime surely have gathered knowledge about crimes and the common motives of crimes, not only from their wrongdoings but also from communication with other criminals. From this, students may learn the early signs of crimes, what they should be aware of to enhance self-regulation to prevent crimes. In addition, ex-prisoners are those who underwent a long process of imprisonment and rehabilitation, so their life-stories are often a great source of real-life experiences of not only what prisoners are deprived of but also how regretful they feel. These stories, once verbalised, may deter students from carrying out a crime.

However, I am convinced that there are better solutions to prevent crimes. The most important measure is to introduce criminology as a subject at school, with both compulsory taught lessons and student-centred seminars. While life-stories of ex-prisoners are often biased, criminology knowledge is scientifically proven based on a large set of data and is much more reliable than a few single persons’ stories. With this method, students can learn all the necessary knowledge about crimes through the lens of science and therefore have a holistic view on crimes and crime prevention. The other measure is to film the harsh daily lives of prisoners and show it to school students. Ex-prisoners’ talks can be persuasive, but films with vivid images are be much more visually attractive to students and thus have a greater deterrent impact.

To conclude, I am of the opinion that although talks by ex-prisoners are of good values to school students, there are stronger crime-prevention measures such as the introduction of criminology as a school subject.

It is true that some ex-criminals who appeared to be well behaved after being released can be good examples to educate the students about the risk of committing a crime. Some people believe that the way of sharing true stories of wrongdoers is more convincing and touching. I completely agree with this viewpoint.
Wrongdoers who have successfully turned to be good citizens after serving their time in prison are excellent teachers in helping teenagers realize the harms of breaking the law. Those people have been strictly punished in jail and lost their freedom and connections with the outside world. By telling the true stories of their tough jail life, prisoners can fully show the youngsters the severe consequence of committing crimes. In addition, teenagers can interact with those speakers with criminal records to know more details about criminals’ life. The ex-prisoners can share their regrets for making such mistakes and present how delinquency can ruin one’s future and hurt the feeling of the family.
Furthermore, people with criminal record deeply understand the difficulties of adapting to the society again. Firstly, many of them may find it hard to be employed because they cannot gain trust and respect from the employers after imprisonment. For example, some organizations will only recruit people with no criminal history. Secondly, some people would still label those ex-prisoners as ‘dangerous and violent’ even though they have become good citizens. These people have to put more effort to get involved into the society again.
In conclusion, by sharing their own experience, ex-prisoners can help the youth to truly understand the damage of the offence more effectively.

Sheryl .Here are some of my comments for your essay.

First line : Who appeared to be well behaved after being released can be good...
released from Prison i guess ???

2nd Para: Turned to be good citizens after serving their time ???
You meant after serving a prison senetence ????

2nd Para : 3rd Line :-
Word harm could be replaced by Hazards here ???

2nd Para 3 rd Line: Jain can be replaced by prison

2nd Para : tough jain life:- Can be replaced with harsh inhuman conditions

2nd Para 5th Line: Prisoners can full show :- Exprisoners is what you meant ....
can fully show: Narrate the real life incidents

2nd Para 6th Line : in addition , teenagers can interact with those speakers with criminal records to know more details about criminal life .......
This is not complete sentence ... how these details will prevent crime or teach students about impacts of wrong doing..you might want to use something like " physic/financial/mental upheaval caused to their family life "

2nd Para 9th Line: hurt the feeling of family : - devastate the future of their family

they have become good citizens.. transformed into good human beings ...

also please break your paragraphs and write

these are few observations that can help you to write a well structured essay

All the best

Deepak

@ielts-oldies

Great essay. I dont stand in position to give you advise though have few observations

" As they were locked in cells for a given time period by isolating from their families,friends and other life luxuries"

Can be replaced by below line.

As they were locked in cells for a given term leading to isloation from their families, friends and other life luxuries.

Finally , if ex-offenders provided an opportunity to teach about the crime-related outcomes,
You missed using are between ex-offenders and provided

"Finally , if ex-offenders are provided an opportunity to teach about the crime-related outcomes",

"but also will help them to tell about any possible scenario or unhealthy environment in which people tend to commit violence"

instead of "help them" we can use "induce them"
unhealthy environment can be replaced by "environment conduive to commit crime"

As a result, they have become much more knowledgeable about the differences between harsh life of a prison and a life of any productive member in egalitarian society

In my opinion ex prisoners /offenders have become much more aware
Awareness seems to be more appropriate word here.

Thanks for a great essay.

Deepak

could i plan this body:
1st paragraph: there are many reasons why criminals become good citizens:
- they understood the priceless of life after a long time in prison
- they blame themselves -> they might never repeat any offences in their rest life.
2nd paragraph: i completely agree that inhabitants who is released from prison are the most suitable people to talk with young generations
- they know the strict penalties such as prison sentences and express the harsh life in prison -> teenagers wuold be afraid
- they know the family's mental damages; for example, parents would be embarrassed.
Coule anybody give me some advices about my plan? thanks
-

Introduction: I entirely disagree with the idea.

paragraph 1: not recognize their mistakes; owe to bad luck; living a normal life just because afraid of punishments;

paragraph 2:watching films; ask policeman visit school; let parents offer guides to young people; teacher tell stories about life in prison.

conclusion: rephrase the introduction/ summary the content

The prison may be not exclusively bad place in the life of many criminals as they may find it a good chance to change to better. Many of them become good people and it is now argued that they may be excellent teenagers instructors to warn them against crimes. I agree strongly with this opinion.

Repentant criminals are the most suitable persons to advice teenagers not to committ crimes for many reasons. Firstly, they are aware of the real motives that push youngsters to do criminal acts. Secondly, their experience of the bad outcomes of crimes makes them more sincere in their guidance. For example, they can explain to youth the impacts of being in prisons such as loss of freedom, isolation, and psychological unstability. Finally, they can easily convince the youth as they know well the criminals' personalities, and their weak and strength points.

From another perspective, it is the preference of the youth as they find in the reformed criminals a real good example. Furthermore, they enjoy hearing from individuals who think like them. In addition, the young people will find it easy to interact with their instructors. For instance, they can tell them freely about their thoughts, desires, passions and motives and trust their answers and instructions. So, it is better for the growing generations to be warned against crimes while seeing live examples in the same time.

In conclusion, I feel that the people who were in prisons and now are good citizens are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing crimes due to their past experience and the youth's passion to hear from them


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