IELTS Writing Task 2: 'strong opinion' essay

Here's my full essay for the "ex-prisoner" topic that we've been looking at over the last few weeks. Notice that I give only one opinion, and I support it in each paragraph.

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is true that ex-prisoners can become normal, productive members of society. I completely agree with the idea that allowing such people to speak to teenagers about their experiences is the best way to discourage them from breaking the law.

In my opinion, teenagers are more likely to accept advice from someone who can speak from experience. Reformed offenders can tell young people about how they became involved in crime, the dangers of a criminal lifestyle, and what life in prison is really like. They can also dispel any ideas that teenagers may have about criminals leading glamorous lives. While adolescents are often indifferent to the guidance given by older people, I imagine that most of them would be extremely keen to hear the stories of an ex-offender. The vivid and perhaps shocking nature of these stories is likely to have a powerful impact.

The alternatives to using reformed criminals to educate teenagers about crime would be much less effective. One option would be for police officers to visit schools and talk to young people. This could be useful in terms of informing teens about what happens to lawbreakers when they are caught, but young people are often reluctant to take advice from figures of authority. A second option would be for school teachers to speak to their students about crime, but I doubt that students would see teachers as credible sources of information about this topic. Finally, educational films might be informative, but there would be no opportunity for young people to interact and ask questions.

In conclusion, I fully support the view that people who have turned their lives around after serving a prison sentence could help to deter teenagers from committing crimes.

(287 words, band 9)

Comments

[Biks]

Useful vocabulary

1. Reformed offenders
2. They can also dispel any ideas
3. often indifferent
4. The vivid and perhaps shocking nature of these..
5. be useful in terms of informing teens
6. reluctant to take advice from figures of authority
7. as credible sources of information
8. deter teenagers from committing crimes.

Thanks

[jacqueline]

Reformed offenders can say reformed persons?

[sly]

is there anyone to practice for speaking part?My skype name is adrlmz.Feel free to add me.

[Nadia]

Thanks Simon

[@l]

THanks Simon.Realy perfect essay.

[Reza]

Great writing lesson indeed! Thanks Simon.

[Nee]

Hello Simon
Any ideas, looks little bit strange for me . Writing any of ideas or any idea would not be better?
Please correct me

[pete walton]

Hello Nee,

We use 'any of' before a pronoun or a noun with a determiner, so these three sentences are correct:

I don't have any ideas about this topic.
I don't have any idea about this topic.
I don't like any of the ideas in this book.
See this site: http://www.perfectyourenglish.com/usage/any.htm

[Nee]

@ Pete Walton

Thanks

[mujib]

thanks for advice

[Giang]

I have noticed a variety of useful words and phrases:
ex-prisoners = reformed offenders, reformed criminals, after serving a prison sentence

teenagers = young people, adoescents, teens, students

committing a crime = breaking the law, involved in crime, lawbreakers

discourage them from breaking the law = deter teenagers from committing a crime

become normal, productive members of society
speak from experience
the dangers of a criminal lifestyle
life in prison
dispel any ideas
criminal leading glamorous lives
keen to do sth
shocking nature of these stories
a powerful impact
reluctant to take advice from
credible sources of information
educational films
interact and ask question

Best wishes.

[James Z.]

Thank you all the time, Pete! Perfect explanation!

[Giang]

While indifferent to guidance ........keen to hear

[deryck]

HI simon,

If the question type is " do you agree or disagree"
can I still write a balance option essay？

[Lucian]

thanks Simon, it's very helpful. So we can use personal pronouns in IELTS writing?

Best,
Lucian

[Simon]

Deryck,

Yes, you can partly agree. Look at this lesson:

http://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2014/12/ielts-writing-task-2-agree-disagree-or-partly-agree.html

...

Lucian,

Yes, the question uses "YOU", so you will almost certainly need to use "I" or "MY" in your answer.

[Nisha]

Dear Simon,
I am not able to think for supporting ideas about following topic, can you please help me out!!
Some people think that both travelers and business people have same attitude to local people and the traditions of countries they visit. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? give your opinion.

[Elaine]

Hi simon,
In essays like this, is it allright to use the first person "i" ? When do we know if essay needed is strictly academic? Please enlighten me. I really enjoyed reading your posts.

[Ahmed]

Hi Simon,
Thank you for your support.
Could you please evaluate my performance in the given task?

"Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?"

______________________________________
After serving their prison sentence,some criminals become good citizens.Whether to present such people as clear examples which illustrate the hazards of committing a crime to young people,or not, is a debatable and interesting subject.In my opinion, I think it is a good idea to give the opprtunity to those criminals, who became good citizens,to orient young esters about the dangers of committing a crime, for many reasons.
First and foremost, each criminal has a unique experience, and each is best one to tell about own experience, in order to impress young people,which is far better than giving advices to the young. Therefore such criminals, who became good citizens,how they gain bad behaviour, what the motivation of committing crime was.Thus, young people learn how to avoid bad behaviour.
Secondly, and most imprtantly, those mentioned good citizens, who were originally criminals,can illustrate to young people that criminal will be inevitably arrested wherever one escapes. Thus, each one will talk to teenagers about how he was arrested, which is, definitely, a bad experience. In addition, and what is more painful, is what criminals experience during the prison sentence, as they lose their freedom. Therefore,, despite being a painful event, it is beneficial to tell young people about prison sentence, in order to warn them against committing a crime.
Finally, these criminals, who became good citizens, are role models for young people who do illegal actions, as those who behave badly may give up doing such offences.
To conclude, criminals who succeed to become good citizens after serving prison sentence, are the ideal ones who should warn teenagers against committing a crime.
__________________________

I am looking forward to receiving your comments and marking of my task.

Thanks.

Ahmed

[Shine]

Hi Simon and everyone,
Can we please have a look at this topic: Some people think everyone should be a vegetarian because they do not need to eat to stay healthy. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Shall we take this statement as a suggestion or an order? Can I argue "Force everyone to give up meat is a violation of human rights"?

Looking for your to hear your opinion.

[Umair Ashraf]

Hi Simon,
I have prepared my IELTS writing tasks from your website and i have secured 7 bands in writing for the test held on 12 septemner 2015.
Really thanks man.
Keep up the good work.

Regards
Umair Ashraf

[N.khan]

Hi Simon, do I have to write both paragraphs in the same way if I am disagreeing with the topic,meaning both paras should contain the disagreing sentences or the second para should contain something different.Please comment on that its confusing.......thanks

[N.khan]

Hi umair ur very lucky to get 7 congrats but could you tell me the writing topic of your test I will be really grateful and if u can give some useful tips as well for writing 1 and 2 .thanks

[Mohammad]

It is great essay...thanks

[M.ELBIRA]

fulfilled topic
thanks everybody

[risca]

really great! thank Simon.

[Paul]

Hi Simon,
I am a Chinese student, and have been prepared for IELTS test for a long time. Now i have became a big fan of your website,and it really really helped me a lot.
I wonder whether you could spare some time for recommanding or emailing some websites to me, because i find it hard for a Chinese students like me to access some "real contents". I am flooded with huge amounts of Chinglish and i really hope to lean some native expressions or language by visiting some good websites with articles like this one.
I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP!
Thanks in advance!

[rania]

I noticed that you wrote both sides you agreed first then you stated that alternatives are not sufficient which means you don't disagree

[rania]

I mean that you wrote agree and why you don't disagree which means you wrote both sides is not it ??

[Swati]

please help me out.
I want to write a strong opinion sentence in introduction like simon did in this essay.
e.g-I completely agree with the idea that allowing such people to speak to teenagers about their experiences is the best way to discourage them from breaking the law
-----------------------
My topic- Young people who commit crimes should be treated in the same as adults who commit crimes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

my sentence- I completely disagree with the idea that giving direction for same kind of penalty to adults and young people for their committed crime.

--------------
is the sentence correct or not?
Thanks in advance.

[Mozhgan]

Hi Simon,
My privet teacher said to me it is better that the second paragraph is near to your idea in conclusion, however,in this writing it is not.
I wonder if what could be the best ?
Thanks

[Sherin]

Perfect .I love the essays perfection,beyond words

[ani]

how to treat underage criminals . education or punisment?
,give your opinion.

[harmandeep kaur]

I really like your model essay because its so effective

[Adam Franka]

There is no doubt that crime is one of the biggest problems in our societies today, some people believe that one of the finest ways to tackle this issue is to hold learning program led by ex-prisoners. I completely agree with this, and in this essay, I will discuss the reasons why.Firstly, ex-prisoners have been through a hard time while they were in prison serving their sentences, at that point, they learned exactly how does it feel to be locked in. Therefore, they have the ability to explain to younger generations what it is like to lose your freedom; that will have a stronger impact on them than someone who has never been through such an experience.Case in point, a TV show been broadcasted on tv recently, shows young offenders sent to prison, and how the other inmates were treating them in an improper manner, just to make them fear to be in such situation.Alternatives to ex-offenders to teach young people about how to avoid involving in a crime world, could not be as good as the actual offender. For instance, a police officer can explain how to be a law abiding citizen and follow the rules and the regulations, but that will not guarantee the positive impact that would be on teens.
In conclusion, crime has always been a huge issue every society trying to tackle.I believe using ex-prisoners as guide for young people to inhibit their criminal acts in the future is an excellent idea to solve this

[Salwa]

Hello Simon
I really appreciate your effort.
But I'm wondering, why did you mention alternatives in the second paragraph? You categorized this topic as "'strong opinion", then if you strongly agreed, you would mention why you supported this idea in both paragraphs.
But these two paragraphs Would have been more suitable with "partly agree introduction and conclusion" that you agree that ex-prisoners are not the only way to encourage teens not to commit crimes.
But now I feel there is a discrepancy in meaning of overall idea.

Hope that you can reply to make every thing clear for me.

Thanks

[Salwa]

I am sorry I mean these paragraph would have been more suitable "disagree"

[Simon]

Hi Salwa,

My second main paragraph is arguing against the alternatives. Notice that I write a "but" phrase after each alternative to explain why they would not be effective. In this way, I'm still agreeing with the question statement - I'm not partly agreeing.

[avik paul]

Can I use "The alternatives of using reformed criminals" instead of "The alternatives to using reformed criminals"?
What is the difference between using "to" and "of" in this sentence?

[Livia]

Hi Simon,

Thank you for your sample! but I'm really struggling with the use above in your essay "be for someone to do sth"

in these two sentences:
One option would be for police officers to visit schools. A second option would be for school teachers to speak to their students about crime.

I don't really understand the way to use"for ", is it a preposition or a conjunction? and what mean it serves?

Thanks.

[Simon]

Livia,

It might be best to learn the whole phrase "one option would be for x to..." without trying to understand it word by word. You could consider this to be a 'fixed phrase'.

In other words, rather than looking at this from a grammar perspective, you could learn it as a vocabulary item. Then, the best way to understand the phrase is to see it used in various different contexts. Here are some examples from a Google search:

- One option would be for national authorities to intervene.
- In order to improve the economy, one option would be for the government to invest in infrastructure.
- One option would be for staff to work more hours.

I hope this helps!

[Livia]

This helps a lot! Thank you Simon, you are the best!

[Humera]

Kindly guide me how can I write a good letter on,write a letter your school head inquiring about the techniques on classroom management. Please address the following issues in your letter. How to control noise level in class.how to keep learners motivated throughout the lesson. How to engage above average and struggling learners during and after a task.

[Radha Muralidhar]

For opinion questions,would it be alright if you fully agree and in first body paragraph we write why it is a good option. In the second body paragraph ,we mention why the other option is not convincing. At the end,can I write, although some others would refute my opinion ,I strongly feel that my views are fully convincing.

[Piyush]

Writing task 2 : Some people believe those who break the law should go to prison, while others think that different kinds of punishment such as forcing them to do unpaid work are more beneficial to our community. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Friends please solve ths

[mae]

why on the second body paragraphs it talks about alternatives on using reformed criminals to educate teenagers about crime ? I feel like its was not asked in the question?

[john]

in second paragraph, you just gives your 3 ideas without any explanation for each one .why