IELTS Writing Task 2: what makes a good paragraph?

I asked my students to plan some ideas for the 'happiness' question that you can see in this lesson (the students hadn't seen my full essay). We then wrote a band 9 paragraph together (see below).

Paragraph answering the question 'why is happiness difficult to define?':

Happiness is almost impossible to explain because it is an abstract concept with no definite meaning. It can mean or represent something completely different depending on a person's age, culture or background. For some people, happiness is a feeling of pleasure in a particular moment, whereas for others, it is a state of mind. Children, for example, are happiest when playing, laughing and having fun, while adults usually equate happiness with health, security, financial stability or success. In other words, we all have different views or requirements, and so we seek contentment in our own individual ways.

But what makes this a 'band 9' paragraph?
Can you analyse it in terms of the 4 criteria?

Comments

[Kinza manaoor]

Happiness is very precious thing to everyone .But is difficult tou define because everyone desirse are going arising and no one is happy today .Happiness is what in which we are feelng pleasure in everything like doing shopping going tou spend hloidays with family playng with you kids offerinh prayers etc.happiness is the foremost thing tou everyone but it cant b explained.

[Nad]

Hi Simon,
I finally got what i wanted!
Listening 8.5
Reading 8
Writing 7
Speaking 8
Thanks to Your blog for that 7 on writing, which I was struggling for a long time. Wouldn't have done without you!
So thank you so much.

[Samjhana]

Happiness is very much interrelated with mind and its feelings. Certainly feelings can not be seen and heard but feel the sensation of its productivity. Moreover, the absolute abstract components are associated with feelings. Thus, if such feelings is very joyful and positive then a person perceive the sense of happiness. Which is therefor very cumbersome to explain in words becaus of its abstract nature.

[sharif]

happiness is the most important abstract ingredient of our life that can not be explained as the ingredients which are related to feeling, are not easy to explain.It varies man to man depending on their thinking.A creative person gets happiness when he gains success on his research. On the other hand,a traditional thiker gets happiness when he is appointed in a conventional job.Besides,getting desired result, Optimistic students become happy and having scope to play, children get happiness.

[Kiran]

Hi dear Simon,
I have read your essays.i have noticed that you often use modal verbs in it.but I find it very difficult,especially when to use could and would.can you please explain its usage especially for essay writing.
Thanks

[mohamed ahmed]

happiness is interlocked , wide ,meaning ;which is sensation or deep feeling comes from the bottom of your heart.and make great,nice effect upon life and let you relaxed, peaceful, quiet ,unconcerned .is best sense you feel and live.

[auau]

I'm going to evaluate simon's essay...

1. Task response
-> Perfectly answered the reason why happiness is difficult to define with a concrete example.
2. Coherence and cohesion
-> The development is totally natural, and easy to follow.
3. Lexical resource
-> There are a number of good vocabulary, such as 'abstract concept' or 'state of mind'.
4. Grammatical range and accuracy
-> A variety of grammatical sentence types are used correctly.

[khairia]

congratulations Nad can you please tell me how did you prepare for ielts to get this fantastic scores I need at least 7 in each part and I struggle with 6 especially in reading and listening,can you please tell me about the books you used and your way to study and prepare for the ielts

thanks

[Ashly]

Can you teach me Simon how to write an essay ...task 2

[S.K]

Hi Simon,

I thoroughly enjoyed your course on Saturday and practised with your tips later on. But I am struggling a little bit with opinion essays. here is a real exam question where i was able to come up with ideas but cannot decide how to put them in paragraphs;
Some people think humanities subjects such as, philosophy history and arts has little value to peoples future. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Can I write a balanced essay by choosing to write about some subjects i think are important and another paragraph about subjects i dont think are as useful in future? More like the old traditions essay u wrote on the blog..

[nguyen]

Hi Simon,

You wrote that: "the key to high speaking and writing scores is good vocabulary" and you also provide us ('band 7-9' words, collocations and phrases that you used in your essays)

Can I ask you a question?
How many 'band 7-9' words, collocations and phrases in essays to achieve mark 7, mark 8 and mark 9 in IELTS writing task 2?

thank you

[desi_don]

Anyone interested in speaking practice can join me on skype at piyush.patel2005

I am aiming for 8.0. Serious learners, please get together for some advanced practice.

Thank you

[jeriatrix]

Hi Simon. Im confused about the usage of "should you" example:
1.Should you have any problems, feel free to contact me.
2.Should you want to start your admission process, please see attached application form.
Also for "would you" example:
-Would you be able to send us your email so that we can email you all information in detail?

Is it common for native speaker to use should you and would you?
Can we use it in ielts writing or speaking?

[sjm]

Nguyen

For 7, you need 'some evidence' of higher level/less common vocabulary. In an essay, for example, this could be around 5 or 6 expressions. For 8, you would need 'skilful use' which would be more, maybe in the 8 to 12 range.

The problem, however, is not how many 'good' expressions you use, but how many bad ones. If you have 8 higher level expressions, but you also have a range of spelling mistakes and 'inappropriate' and unnatural vocabulary, then this will also push your score down. Almost all candidates use unnatural vocabulary, and it is extremely rare to award an 8 in this area.

[pete walton]

Kiran,

Personally, I would recommend this site to help you to understand the difference in usage between 'could and would':

https://www.espressoenglish.net/difference-between-should-could-and-would/

I hope this helps!

[James Z.]

Thanks for the help from sjm and Pete. You're always so supportive!

[Al]

Happiness is defined according to a one's own perspective. Giving definition to it has difficulty due to the fact that we are all in different stages of life. The way we see happiness is in accordance to what stage we belong. For an instance, happiness in childhood years is composed of toys and games. This is completely unnatural for adults because some claims to have happiness when they attain success in love, career and family. In short, we make conclusions on what is happiness based on our personal views.

[Milly Claudia]

Great and Really you teach me very well..
Thanks.

[MMT]

Hi Simon, is it a wrong intro sentence for agree/disagree question if I say :
it is difficult to favour any side without delving into both sides' arguments.
Bp1 i believe(agree)
Bp2 However, we can not igore that

[MMT]

Hi Simon, is it a wrong intro sentence for agree/disagree question if I say :
it is difficult to favour any side without delving into both sides' arguments.
Bp1 i believe(agree)
Bp2 However, we can not ignore that(diagree)

[Nad]

Hi Khairia,
Thank you. I only practiced Cambridge ielts practice books 5-9 I did all the reading tests and listening tests in these books. I absolutely followed what Simon says in the blog when doing reading and writing. His blog is the best source for ielts. I wrote many essays and got some of them checked by one of the examiners that Simon recommended me. He showed me where I should pay more attention in writing. You could email Simon about that and he will direct you to an examiner. I didn't have much of a problem in other subtests including speaking. Perhaps because I live in an English speaking country and have no one around to communicate in my first language. Believe you can do it! All the best!

[zAcK]

happiness it varies from one individual to another , what it can be one man's happiness is another man sandness . In other words, feeling of well being and satisfaction, it usually differs from one person to another according to their to missing fragments which needed to fulfill. the relevant example i am going to insight is countryside dwellers they often they happy when they travel to urbanized city with all the accelerated pace life style and this can radiate extra joy for them while urbanized inhabitants vice versa as well thus it is understood that it the grass on other side of the hill always looks greener

[Aygun]

Happiness is the uniqe and important thing for everyone.everybody can define it with several meaning.It has individuality to the people.Some people may see happiness in their family health,good life and living alive,while others might think about it with different meaning.Generally,nobody can define it properly.Having eveything is not happiness.Happiness is the thing that,you feel it in the deep of your heart and that feelings give you power,self-love and joy.In one word happiness is the moment ,which happens sometime.In the other word,it is just a feeling ,happens when you are in that mood.

[Rebekah]

To most people, happiness, which is too abstract to make an exact defination, can be a kind of feeling, such as being relaxed, satisfied, or pleased; or a state of mind like confident, calm and energetic. It can be greatly influenced by a person's age, hobby, education and background,thereby varying according to different people. For a patient, the happiest thing is to recover from illness and be healthy; for a musican, composing a spendid melody which can be admired by people around the world is possibly his or her happiness.A child who drops out of school,for his or her family could not afford the tuition fee, would reckon that being engaged in school again is the only thing that make him or her happy. Therefore people have divided views about happiess and they make their own endevaour to gain what they appreciate and eager for.

[Hasan]

Happiness is difficult to define explicitly as it is a phenomenon that varies person to person. As people's attitude and mentality changes with time, their perception towards happiness changes too. In childhood, for example, watching cartoon is the moment that brings lots of fun and pleasure, but for an adult, this could be very boring because their happiness is related to earning money or better job satisfaction. But it is also evident that some people find it difficult to be happy with a better job or salary as they may be interested in travelling around the world. In addition, cultural or religious differences also play an important role to understand the meaning of happiness in our life.