IELTS Writing Task 1: simplified introduction

Last week I asked you to look for problems in this introduction:

The bar graphs give information and compare between the kinds of jobs opted by UK's undergraduate and postgraduate students who did not go for a full time job after completing their degrees in 2008.

Here are some things that you might have noticed:

• give information and compare between: We don't need two verbs at the beginning of the introduction, and "between" doesn't work with either of them. Either write "give information about" or "compare" (without the word "between").
• kinds of jobs: The charts show activities like "further study", so we can't write about "jobs" here.
• opted by: We say "opt for" in English, so we would need to write "opted for by" in this case, which seems awkward to me. It would be easier to use "chosen by". However, as one of the categories on the chart is "unemployment", maybe it isn't accurate to write about this as a choice.
• UK's: using a possessive with the country seems strange in this situation. Instead, we can use "UK" as an adjective (e.g. UK graduates), or simply write "in the UK".
• go for a job seems a bit informal in this situation.

Here's a simplified and corrected version of the introduction:

The bar charts give information about the career paths of UK undergraduate and postgraduate students who were not in full-time employment after completing their degrees in 2008.

Comments

[lana]

Why undergraduate? What are the meanings of graduate,undergraduate and postgraduate?

[DR-ALI]

The bar charts show the destination of UK graduates and postgraduates, who could not enter to a full-time work, when they graduate.

[DR-ALI]

The bar charts show the destination of UK graduates and postgraduates, who could not enter to a full-time work, after the graduation in 2008.

[sjm]

Lana

1. 'A graduate' is a general word to describe someone who has completed a course of study. For example, you can be a 'high school graduate' or a 'university graduate'.

2. 'Undergraduate' and 'postgraduate' are used differently in various English speaking countries, however they are often used as follows. An 'undergraduate' is used to describe someone doing their first university degree which is a Bachelors degree. A 'postgraduate' is someone doing a further degree, which is a Masters degree or a PhD. You often hear people say 'I'm an undergraduate at Harvard' or 'I'm a postgrad (short for 'postgraduate') at the University of Melbourne'.

[lana]

Thanks a lot Sjm,thanks a lot.

[good]

Lana,pls check the dictionary before,after you are self-study.verbal is ont secret
e.g Oxford ,Cambridge.
By the way ,Don't be upset that I do say so.

[Charlie]

Hi Simon：

This is Charlie and I have been using your blog for study for a long time.
I dont know if its appropriate to ask question here but I have a question of Task 1 for Academic test.
If the score of my Task 1 is 6.5 and my Task 2 is 7 what will my final score be？Is the saying that Task 1 is less important than Task 2 correct？

I dont know if you would answer or not but I still want to say thank you since your blog is very very helpful.

Charlie

[Sjm]

Charlie

You would get 6.5 because when the scores are combined the total will be under 7.

[beauty]

The bar chart compares the careers chosen between the undergraduate and postgraduate students in the UK who were not in full time employment after graduating in 2008.