IELTS Writing Task 2: 'economic progress' essay

Here's the full essay that I wrote with my students for the question below.

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

People have different views about how governments should measure their countries’ progress. While economic progress is of course essential, I agree with those who believe that other measures of progress are just as important.

There are three key reasons why economic growth is seen as a fundamental goal for countries. Firstly, a healthy economy results in job creation, a high level of employment, and better salaries for all citizens. Secondly, economic progress ensures that more money is available for governments to spend on infrastructure and public services. For example, a government with higher revenues can invest in the country's transport network, its education system and its hospitals. Finally, a strong economy can help a country’s standing on the global stage, in terms of its political influence and trading power.

However, I would argue that various other forms of progress are just as significant as the economic factors mentioned above. In particular, we should consider the area of social justice, human rights, equality and democracy itself. For example, the treatment of minority groups is often seen as a reflection of the moral standards and level of development of a society. Perhaps another key consideration when judging the progress of a modern country should be how well that country protects the natural environment, and whether it is moving towards environmental sustainability. Alternatively, the success of a nation could be measured by looking at the health, well-being and happiness of its residents.

In conclusion, the economy is obviously a key marker of a country’s success, but social, environmental and health criteria are equally significant.

(262 words, band 9)

Comments

[Lala]

A key marker
Equally significant
Environmental sustainability
Country's standing on a global stage
Trading power

Clear ,neat , and coherent .
Thank you Simon :)

[ben]

thank you simon.

[Huyen]

thanks Simon.

[Sea]

Thanks Simon!

[Lynn]

Thank you Simon for your article. I have a question regarding the structure of the essay. The question asks us to "discuss both views and give your own opinion". You only discussed one side and then provided your opinion without discussing the other side of the argument in the question, or can I understand that you combined your opinion with the view that you agree with? Is this approach acceptable in the exam?

Many thanks in advance!

[sjm]

Lynn

An IELTS essay is not long enough to fully analyse both sides separately, and then give another paragraph about your opinion. In a 'discuss both sides' question, it's a good idea to choose the side you agree with more, and use that as the basis for your opinion. This is logical.

[Nmtuan2k]

Dear Simon,

I have noticed that you wrote sentences like

- museums often put more of an emphasis on enjoyment

- hobbies are relatively easy, while others present more of a challenge

Could you help to explain the differences between more and "more of"?

Can I write

- museums often put more emphasis on enjoyment

- hobbies are relatively easy, while others present more challenge

Thanks

[niuxiufeng]

I have a question about below setence:

a strong economy can help a country’s standing on the global stage

how to explain the grammar of can help a country's standing ?

thanks in advance

[sjm]

Nmtuan2k

We use 'more' + uncountable nouns or plural nouns (because they usually don't have articles)

For example: I need more time. I would like to have more friends.

When the noun has an article, possessive or this/that, we use 'more of'.

For example: Would you like more of my cake? This one is more of a problem.

In your examples, you can say 'more emphasis' because 'emphasis' has an uncountable form. 'Challenge' however, doesn't have an uncountable form, so we have to use the singular: 'more of a challenge'.

Niuxiufeng

'a strong economy' is the subject
'can help' is the verb
'a country's standing on the global stage' is the object

'standing on the global stage' means the international reputation of a country. You could write this sentence as:

A strong economy can improve a country's international reputation.

[pete walton]

Lynn, that is a good question and sjm has already given you a very helpful answer.

Personally, in a task which asks you to 'discuss both views and give your own opinion', I begin my topic sentence: "On the other hand, I agree with those who argue that......." I make this the beginning of my paragraph 3, having already discussed the view that I DISAGREE with in paragraph 2. This then leads logically to your conclusion.

[Feckro]

Greetings, dear fellows. i am in crying need for your help. I would like to find out how can I get band score 9 in IELTS writing.
1. How can I get it?
2. Can I use quotations of famous people? How do I use them?
3. Is it posiible to use idioms?
4. What are the key points of writing task 2?
5. How can I organize problem-solution essay?
Please, Your advice is vital for me.

[Leon]

can you give some advises on my essay?
----------------------------

Economy is considered as the most important part by many governments when they are making decisions. But many people including me think that there are other aspects same important as economy, and we believe these other aspects should be considered as important as economy.

It is no doubt that a healthy economic system is the basic need for a country. It can provide job opportunities, increase public budget, and improve people's life qualities. And with the economic development, the country can play a bigger part in the international trading systems. This can bring a lot of benefits to the people in the country. China is a good example. With the great economic progress during last few decades, China has become one of the most powerful countries in the world, and Chinese people's life qualities have been greatly improved.

But economic progress is not, and should not be the only goal to the governments. To build a better country there are other goals which are equally important to achieve. An impartial legal system, for example, is also important, sometimes even more important than the economic progress. It can provide justice to everyone, making them feel safe in the country. And it can provide a fair environment for the companies to compete in the local market without worrying being beaten by cheating. If the economy is engine to the country, the laws are the guiding system. This is why USA became the most developed country in the world.

To be conclusion, I agree that economic progress is a very important goal to a government, but in the mean time I also believe that other aspect such as legal systems cannot be ignored when proceeding economic development. They should be treated equally in the public policies.

(293 words)

[DLS]

Can someone help me in reviewing my essay:

Some governments believe that economic growth would be the most important factor of a country’s development, but several people think that there are other aspects that are just as important as economic progress. The following essay will discuss about both opinion in details, but I personally think that there are other important factors besides economic that affecting a country’s development.

On the one hand, it is obvious that economic progress would play a vital role in the development of a country. It is undeniable that when a country’s economic sector developed, it means that the government would have surplus budget. With the sufficient budget, the government could expand public infrastructures, develop public health facilities, improve education systems and upgrade their military equipment. It can be seen that economic progress facilitate the improvement of many other sectors, therefore many governments set economic growth as their main priority.

On the other hand, some people think that economic progress could not be achieved without the development of other crucial sectors. Firstly, governments must focus on improving the education system in their country. It is a fact that to have a good economic development, a country must have skilled and trained workers. To have those productive labors, governments must provide good and qualified education facilities. Secondly, a country’s economic sector could not grow without a stabilized political condition. It is undeniable that a country’s safe and secure condition would attract investors in investing their money in the country which boost the economic sector. Therefore, it is also important for the government to maintain and improve their political condition.

In conclusion, I would agree with the statement that says economic growth is a vital element for a country’s development. But I also believe that there are other sectors that the government should be concerned with such as education and political condition.

[Lyneko]

Hi, Simon
Thank you for posting the sample for us.
However, I still feel confused about how to using "I" and "we" in an essay because my English teacher said that it is not formal to use "I" and "we" while writing an essay.
Is it acceptable in this kind of questions which ask "your opinion"?
I hope you can give me some suggestions.
Thank you very much!!

[sjm]

Lyneko

IELTS invites you to express your opinion, and also to use examples from your personal experience, so it is perfectly fine to occasionally use the word 'I'. In fact, it is difficult to express your opinion without using 'I' or 'my'. Simon has also mentioned this a few times, such as:

http://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2012/01/ielts-writing-task-2-using-the-word-i.html

'We' is a bit different. In English, there are a few ways to express the idea of 'everyone', such as 'we' 'you' and 'people' (and others). There is nothing wrong with using 'we' to mean everyone, but you have to be careful. Firstly, don't mix it with 'you' 'they' or 'people'. If you use 'we', stay with 'we'. Secondly, it does give essays a bit more informality, and if the rest of your essay is written in a very formal style, it may add an inconsistent 'tone'.

[Hager]

Dear sir,
first of all thanks a lot for this amazing website, however i am suffering in writing part i need 6.5, unfortunately i got only 5.5.
so want to share my writing with others to know my mistakes, and this is the introduction for this essay.

It is true that economic progress plays an essential role in the prosper of the country. however,others believe, i strongly agree with them, there are different aspects which as the same important as the economic progress.

is it a good introduction?

[Gaurav rana]

Respected sir,

I am not able to make good essay and scored 5.5 writing please help me how to score more

[Daniel]

Dear Simon:
This was the question in my 7.14 writing test, could you please help to check my essay?
Topic:People still greatly value artists(such as musicians, painters, writers) as the world is focusing on advanced technology and science.
Why do you think this is?
Are the arts as important to people's lives as technology?

Essay:Although the world is in the era that is in desperate need of advanced science and technology, artists such as musicians, painters and writers are still respected and adored. People favor these artists for many reasons, and I assume it as a positive trend, because art is as vital as technology to our lives.

A lot of factors attribute to this phenomenon. Firstly, people who live in this age work or study under huge pressures, and arts can help to soothe their moods or feel relieved from overloaded daily work. Secondly, Although art has little help on our physical life, but it's psychological impact should not be underestimated. For example, a person will pursue psychological achievements once he or she has no worry about their basic daily need to gain satisfaction. So they will appreciate the artists who made those masterpieces.

Moreover, I reckon that art and technology are equally essential to people's lives. On the one hand, I will not deny the importance of technology, as it boosts our society and satisfy our curiosity to an unknown world by constantly making new inventions and discoveries. On the other hand, art also plays a vital role in our life. One reason is that it makes our life more colorful, because it spirits us up from repeated daily work. Another reason is more significant. If a person have some achievements in arts, his or her personality will see a dramatic growth, which is beneficial for both their own careers and the society as a whole.

In conclusion, people benefits from art and they greatly value artists in return, and art has a dramatic impact on our lives just as technology do.

[jood]

can someone check my essay please

Having a good university degree guarantees people a good job
To what extant do you agree

Nowadays many people prefer to have a college degree than a high school one . Having a strong collage sirtificate help people to find a better job because it gives a better education and a financial rewards.

Reciving a good education can guarantees you a good job. Collage can give you skills that you need in your major to help you to win your dream job . For example, my older brother majed , did not enter any university because he wants to have a job so he can start his own business , all the companies denied him they need a capable man who can manage the work and have a bacalories degree. This is one of two reasons why I think that having a good college degree guarantees people a better job.

Hardworking qualifies you to have a money rewards. Big companies gives there employees a promotion with a higher salaries and money reward. For instance, my uncle who have a master degree in computer science start his work as an employee with a limeted income and now he is the manager of one of the biggest companies in saudi arabia.

In conclusion, receiving a good university degree gives you a better chance to have a good job including better education and financial rewards. Therefore I strongly believe that having it gives you the opportunity to have a better job . As a result schools should incorage students to receive a college education

[Yentl]

Hi, Simon.
Thank you for posting your essay.
I read that you sometimes use'on the other hand' in the third paragraph to show that you are disagree with Paragraph 2. I am confusing about how to use'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand'
In my essay, I used these two phrases in one paragraph,roughly like'on the one hand, for citizens...'...'on the other hand, for governments...' Is that right?

[Alston]

"
In such a globally competitive market, many governments consider an economic advancement their priority, while others would argue that other types of progression also are crucial for a nation. I believe that any types of progress of a country mean mutually significant for a state.

Certainly, governments would prioritize resources in improving economic performance because it is the basis of any other developments. Firstly, economic progression leads to lower unemployment rate, higher salaries, therefore, a higher living standard for their citizens. Secondly, neither can technological advancement or industrial innovation be achieved without the strong support of economic improvement. funding is always necessary for many things that are operated by people. Finally, a well-built economy stands better on the global stage when it comes international trade and political influence.

However, other types of progress, some people would argue, are as mutually significant as economic progress for a country. The most obvious one is education development that provides a good quality of citizens and a harmony society. It also generates a powerful productivity out of a well-trained and qualified workforce. Another type of progress is health level of the population and it is generally thought to be the most basic characteristics that support other types of improvement. Never could any business run without healthy human race. Eventually, those progress will be based on economic progress, and economic advancement, mutually, will benefit from them as well.

In conclusion, governments' investing most of their resources in economic progress is undoubtedly intelligent and for best of their people, but other types of progression should not be overlooked as well.
"

I have never got anyone correct my essay before, and i have always got 5.5 in IELTS writing. can someone tell me why?
Thanks for reading and more than thrilled to be corrected.

[Ajji]

Hi Dear Simon
Hi everyone
Other measures of progress are just as important.
Could you please help me with 'just as'. I don't understand the grammar and I can't find it in my books or online.
Thanks

[romesh]

Is it ok to giv our opinion in intro.

[Tim]

Thank you very much Simon

[Rahad]

Do you believe at every stage of career progression, following/using all of these steps are equally important ? Explain your argument with valid examples.i wann get a right solution about this topic.

[Simon]

just as = equally

e.g. Item A is just as good as item B.

[Hoan Nguyen]

Dear Simon,

Is it a bit informal to use "of course" in an academic writing? I'm wondering since this is common in spoken language.

Thank you.

[Gurjeet gitu]

Dear simon. Can we use its in our eassy ?

[Gurjeet gitu]

"its" ?

[neer]

Hello Simon
I noticed that many of your ideas are not well detailed.You just state them.Won`t we lose marks if we write like this?
Thank you

[ChrisC]

Dear Simon,
My friend asked an ex-examiner, who said the TR of your first body paragraph is low(4-5) because you did not go in detail but rather listed 3 things that were not elaborated.This paragraph alone cannot get higher than 7.
What do you think?

[Simon]

ChrisC,

I disagree. My three reasons are there to elaborate the main point that economic progress is often seen as the main goal for governments. It's perfectly acceptable to give 2 or 3 reasons for the main idea of a paragraph.

[ChrisC]

Dear Simon，
I understand that giving 2 or 3 reasons for a body paragraph is acceptable. My point is that there is not much elaboration in your Body 1. In comparison, Body 2 is clearly better than Body 1.
What do you say about the lack of elaboration in Body 1 and difference between Body 1 and Body 2?

[Simon]

Hi ChrisC,

What I'm saying is that the 3 reasons are a type of elaboration - they explain the topic (first) sentence of the paragraph.

It's inevitable that in such a short essay, a paragraph that contains more than one point/reason might seem less developed than a paragraph that sticks to one point. You'll see another clear example of this in the main body of my most recent essay here:

http://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2016/09/ielts-writing-task-2-climate-change-essay.html

However, many questions require more than one reason or point per paragraph, and candidates can't be expected to write very much about each. If you only make one point per paragraph, you might also be accused of not fully answering the question.

Examiners are trained to judge the essay as a whole, and according to the needs of the question. Hopefully most of them take a sensible view of the issue of "fully elaborated points" because a 250-word essay will never be perfect in this area.

[ChrisC]

Dear Simon,
Thank you for answering my questions.
Now I understand that examiners take a holistic view.

[Simon]

No problem ChrisC!

[Joe]

Dear, simon.
I really appreciate your ideas about social equity and environmental protection. But if it 's accurate for us to write something about education and medical facilities?

Thanks

[sweetgrl]

Plz check 3rd para...
However, other ptogress are also equally imporatnt as economic progress.Scial, economical and health are also equally important for a country. In oder to be prosperious country people must be healthy, there must be equality and enviroment should be protected. Gir example marganilized people should get treatment from the side of goverment with low cost. They ahould get equal rights like other. Then only country can becone Wealthy.

[William]

Dear Simon:
I am confused about the second body paragraph(the third paragraph), because you had conveyed that you agree other types of progress are important as well,however, in the second body paragraph it seemed to only present several possible factors evaluating a country. There were no deeper discussion and explain for any factor.

I wonder that if this is acceptable for IELTS writing since I think the support of your opinion is less than the first main paragraph.

If I am wrong, please tell me.
Thank you very much!

[Megan]

Thank you Simon, your essays mostly help me to recognize my mind of writing.

I have a vocabulary question about this. What is the different between fundamental and foundational?

[Jerry]

Hi Simon, would u please clear my doubt.
While we deal with qstns like discuss the both views, am a little confused whether to support both sides with one idea each.is it a good way to score 7 band or above?

[naman]

thankyou simon

[cinolela]

hi, has anybody can check my writing?,
this essay will discuss the different means in order to adress the controversy.
it is often argued that the statistic has surging all over the world linked to fatness in the sense of handle making cope educative activities considering succesful schooling. i completely agree that this is an acceptable reason for young people whose weight gain are not measured in school.
firstly, as a part of schedule there must be varies between mental and physical courses with that the students will get rid of stress for being 40 hours a week approximately. in addition, allthe way of energy they done making work out would be less calories in their bodies that overcome combating obesity.for instance, just walking or trekking twice a week during a half hour they could lost mote than 100 calories similar to a chocolate cake eated. on this way we are avoiding sedentary lifestyle.
on the other hand, nowadays the most significant problem is that the fast food are comsumed by all schoolboys, not only hambuerger and soda made the overweight also everything selling in those places are highest in sugar, oil,whats more cause cancer one such inititive, awareness of proper nutrition should be promoted the evidence demostrated that 65% of youngester well nourished obtained better score in mathematic and biology test .
in conclusion, i personally believe it is more advantageous have physical contact which is more beneficial for students because it make them fitness and relaxing furthermore to create awareness about the necesity of exercise in one's lives.

[rachana singh]

please read my eassay and pinot out my mistakes
The growth of any country depends on various parameters; among them, financial development perhaps holds the primary objective of any government.so if any government wants to put an eagle eye on the economic growth of the country, then the decision must be accepted. However, we cannot overlook the fact that other sector progress is directly related to each other.

The three reasons which support the growth of economic development, firstly, the per capita income of inhabitants shows the growth of any country. Secondly, economic development generates more employment for youth. Lastly, the government will have sufficient money to invest in other sectors.

However, others may agree on the note that the government should give equal importance to other progress indicators such as education, transportation, health care, and much more. For example, if a large number of population is educated then a large number of people will qualify to get a job .one more instance can be taken, if health care industries will be developing it will create more awareness among people about 'how to live a healthy life.'

Each person opinion varies, but I firmly hold the view that economic development must be the primary agenda for any government to bring their country in the limelight of other countries.

[Pandaree]

Can someone help me in reviewing my essay:

Currently, it is widely accepted that the most important thing the government should focus on is to encourage the country to have a strong economic growth, however, other types of progress are viewed as important as the country’s economic growth. In this essay, I will discuss both of this views and also my opinion.

Economic growth of the country should be government’s first priority focus due to many reasons. First, economic progress and strong financial position of the country ensure better standard of living. Since, most sectors including household and business sectors benefit from the growth in terms of revenues and funding resulting in higher affordability, purchasing power, and incomes. Accordingly, government has higher revenue in individual income tax and business income tax which could lead to have remaining cashflow to develop the country in various ways, such as providing better standard of healthcare, public transportation, and education. What is more, economic progress is a symbol of high competitiveness among other nations as it can be measured by many methods, such as GDP growth, balance of export and import. Consequently, it provides credibility for foreign investment, and higher opportunity in global market.

On the other hand, there are several important issues to consider as government’s main focus. First, the education system is as important as economic progress. Due to the fact that, education is a root of anything. It brings about knowledge as well as potentiality for people to develop the country to ensure economic progress indirectly. Another point is that social problems is also necessary to be solved. Because, crime, drugs abuse, and harmful practice in our society have a big impact to people’s standard of living. Moreover, the severe social problem could result in a drop of a number of tourists leading to a decline in country’s income and economic stability.

In conclusion, eventhough there are many equal important issues to be focused by government, in my opinion I encourage the government to focus on economic stability and progress in order that it can ensure better citizen’s quality of life and high competitiveness in international area.

[Paradise]

Dear Simon,
I'm a little bit confused with this question type(discussion). Do I need to bring my personal idea in the introduction? And also, in the budy paragraphs?!
As I've read in a book, in discussion type tasks, we must bring our personal idea just at the end in the conclusion.
I'd be grateful if you clarify this.
Thanks