IELTS Writing Task 1: life cycle mistakes

Can you correct the mistakes in the following six sentences?

1. Salmon begin their lives from eggs that laid in a river.
2. After emerged from eggs they reared to freshwater.
3. Before they merge to sea they stay in estuary, where sea and river meet.
4. During their time in the ocean, young salmons develop gradually into mature salmons.
5. The adult fishes travel to spawning areas where the salmon incubation can be done.
6. Their cycle completes when the spawning process starts and as some research, adult salmon die right after that due to exhaustion.

Comments

[Vu Lam]

This is my answer:

1. The cycle of salmons' life begins as they hatch from eggs that are laid in rivers.
2. After hatching young salmons stay in the freshwater environment.
3. They then move to the estuary, where rivers flow into the sea, before entering the sea.
4. While living in the ocean the salmons grow up and eventually become mature.
5. Once they have fully grown, they travel back to the rivers in order to mate and lay the eggs, which completes the life cycle of salmons.
6. According to a number of researches, after laying the eggs salmons usually die due to exhaustion.

[lll]

/.;;;

[Gul]

1-Salmons begin their life in eggs that are laid in rivers.
2-After emerging from the eggs, they rear to the fresh water.
3-Before merging to the sea, they stay in estuary, where the sea and the river meld.
4-During the time they stay in the ocean, young selmons turn into mature salmons.
5-The adult fishes travel to the spawning areas, where the salmon incubation is done.
6-Their cycle is completed when the spawning process starts and right after thay adult salmons die due to the exhaustion as some researches say.
Could you give me some feedback pls?

[Rio]

1. Salmon begin their lives from eggs [which are] laid in [the] river.

2. After [emerging], the young salmon [are] reared in [the] freshwater.

3. Before they [migrate] to [the] sea[,] the young fish stay in [the] estuary [where the river meets the ocean].

4. During their time in the ocean, [the] young salmon develop gradually into [the] mature salmon.

5. The adult fish travel to [the] spawning area [where the incubation period happens].

6. [The] cycle completes when the spawning process starts and [the] adult salmon die due to exhaustion.

[Angelina]

1.Salmon begin their lives with eggs laid in a river.

2.After emerging from eggs they are reared in freshwater.

3.Before emerging to sea they stay in estuary where sea meets river.

4.During their time in the ocean, young salmons gradually grow into mature ones.

5.The adult fish travel to spawning areas where they can incubate the baby salmon.

6.Their cycle completed when the spawning process starts and according to some reseach, adult salmons usually die after the exhausted time.

[Nam Anh]

1. Salmon begin their lives from eggs that are laid in a river.
2. After emerging from eggs they are reared in the fresh water.
3. Before they move to sea they stay in the estuary which is a part of the river flowing to the sea. ( I dont know why "merge" is used here, so I change to "move"
4. During their time in the ocean, young salmon develop gradually into mature salmons. ( This is my sentence, my mistake^^)
5. Adult fish return to the river where salmon spawn and incubate their eggs.
( I think " fish" is plural, when we talk about 1 kind of fish ( salmon), when we use " fishes", we are talking about different kinds of fish)
6. I do not know how to correct it. If I did, I think I would have to change the whole sentence in my way.
I do not know how to write the part that I correct in bold. Could anyone let me know how you do it? Thank you!

[Ngoc Lan]

This is my answer:
1.Salmon begin their lives from eggs that are laid in rivers.
2.After emerging from eggs, they reared up to freshwater.
3.Before they merge to sea, they stay in estuary where seas and rivers meet.
4.During their time in the ocean, young salmon gradually develop into mature salmon.
5.The adult fish travel to spawning areas where the salmon incubation can be done.
6.Their cycle completes when the spawning process starts. And as some research, adult salmon die right after that due to exhaustion.

[Firdavs]

Hi Simon!
First of all, I want to express my respect and gratitude to you!
On february 25 i have passed IELTS exam (Academic) and I had prepared about 5 month under you advices. Here is my results: L-6.5, R-7.0, W-6.0, S-6.5. Overall - 6.5. It was the first time when i passed IELTS exam. Thank you!

[Teru]

1.Salmon begin their lives from eggs that laid in a river.
→
Salmon begin their lives from eggs that was laid in a river.

2.After emerged from eggs they reared to freshwater.

→
They reared in freshwater after emerged from eggs.

3.Before they merge to sea they stay in estuary, where sea and river meet.

→
They stay in estuary where sea and river meet before they merge to sea.

4.During their time in the ocean, young salmons develop gradually into mature salmons.

→
Young salmons develop gradually into mature salmons during their time in the ocean.

5.The adult fishes travel to spawning areas where the salmon incubation can be done.

→The adult fishes travel to areas where incubation can be done.

6.Their cycle completes when the spawning process starts and as some research, adult salmon die right after that due to exhaustion.

→Their cycle completes when adult salmon die due to exhaustion right after the spawning process starts.

the spawning process starts and as some research, adult salmon die right after that due to exhaustion.

[Samz]

1) The lifecycle of a Salmon starts when a female adult lays eggs in a river.
2) After emerging from eggs, immature salmons move to fresh water for rearing.
3) Before moving to the sea, in the third stage, they stay for a short period in the estuary- where sea and river meet.
4) During their course of stay in the ocean, young salmons gradually develop into mature adults.
5) Next, the adult fish travel to the spawning areas where they lay eggs and complete their incubation period. Hence, aa new lifecycle starts.

[Simon]

ANSWERS FROM SIMON:

First I'll try to explain the problems.

1. The main problem is "that laid". We need to write "that ARE laid". I would also change "from eggs" to "as eggs" or "when they hatch from eggs".

2. Remember to use "after + ing" - "after emerging". There is also another passive problem: we need to write "ARE reared" and we should write "IN freshwater areas".

3. "merge" is the wrong word here. Also, we need the article "the" with "sea" and "estuary".

4. The plural of "salmon" is "salmon", not "salmons".

5. The normal plural of "fish" is "fish". I would also change "incubation can be done" - get rid of the verb "done" and use "they incubate their eggs".

6. This was a trick question because the main problem is not a grammar problem. You should never add ideas that are not shown on the graph, chart or diagram, so we can't use the part about salmon dying due to exhaustion.

[Simon]

FROM SIMON (continued):

Now here are my correct sentences:

1. Salmon begin their lives when they hatch from eggs that are laid in rivers.

2. After emerging from (their) eggs they are reared in freshwater areas.

3. Before they migrate to the sea, they travel to estuaries, where river and sea meet.

4. During their time in the ocean, young salmon develop gradually into mature salmon.

5. The adult fish travel to spawning areas where they incubate their eggs.

6. The cycle is completed when the next generation of salmon hatch from their eggs.

[Simon]

Congratulations Firdavs. I'm glad my lessons helped you!

[sujit kumar biswas]

1.Salmon lays their eggs in the river
2.After hatching they reared to fresh water
3.Before they leave from the sea they stay in an estuary where sea and river meet together.
4.During their time in the ocean, young salmons are developed gradually into mature salmons.
5.The adult fishes travel to spawning areas where salmon's incubation takes place
6.Their life cycle complete when spawning process starts, and some research shows that adult salmons die right after due to exhaustion

[ADISA TEMITOPE]

11 WRENBURY DRIVE
BILSTON

[Ibrahim]

Dear sir,

I am just new here, is there any posts which explain the basic ideas of writing, if yes could you please post it for me, [email protected]

[senshuran]

1，Salmon begin their lives from eggs that laid in a river.

Salmon begin their lives from eggs that was laid in a river.

2,After emerged from eggs they reared to freshwater.

After emerging from eggs, they were reared in freshwater.

3,Before they merge to sea they stay in estuary, where sea and river meet.

They stay in estuary where the sea and river meet before they migrate to the sea.

4,During their time in the ocean, young salmons develop gradually into mature salmons.

The young salmon develop gradually into mature during their time in the ocean.

5,The adult fishes travel to spawning areas where the salmon incubation can be done.

The adult fish travel to spawning areas where the salmon incubation can be done.

6,Their cycle completes when the spawning process starts and as some research, adult salmon die right after that due to exhaustion.

Their cycle completes when the spawning process starts and some research show that adult salmon die right after that due to exhaustion.

[hayder]

i believe that this trend will leave behind negative consequences in the long term .
form environmental perspective , recycling industry lags behind the increasingly dropping rubbish which ends up in landfill sites as a result from overly purchasing products . governments should spend a lot of money to get rid of these materials. To meet people demands , companies should increase the quantity of products which in turn leads to raw materials depletion and releasing more and more carbon emissions .

[hayder]

in conclusion, i believe that most of these reasons are related to maximizing profits and going onto an irregular consuming approach introduces our live and the planet to negative impact .