Here's another band 9 sample answer.
In many cities the use of video cameras in public places is being increased in order to reduce crime, but some people believe that these measures restrict our individual freedom.
Do the benefits of increased security outweigh the drawbacks?
It is true that video surveillance has become commonplace in many cities in recent years. While I understand that critics may see this as an invasion of privacy, I believe that the benefits do outweigh the drawbacks.
There are two main reasons why people might disapprove of the use of video cameras in public places. The first objection is that these cameras invade our privacy, in the sense that we are constantly being watched by the authorities or by private security firms. Many people find this intrusive and feel that the recording of their movements is a form of state control that curtails their individual freedom. The second argument against the proliferation of CCTV cameras is that they are being used as an alternative to police officers patrolling the streets. If this is indeed happening, then it is unlikely that members of the public will feel safer.
In spite of the drawbacks mentioned above, I believe that the use of video cameras to monitor public areas is a positive measure. The key objective of video surveillance is to deter criminals and to prevent crime. For example, petty criminals like shoplifters and pickpockets are less likely to operate in parts of cities where they know that they are being watched. At the same time, when crimes are committed, the police can use video evidence to catch and prosecute offenders. Therefore, in my view, video cameras offer valuable support to police officers, and they make cities safer for inhabitants, workers and visitors alike.
In conclusion, it seems to me that we gain more than we lose from the enhanced security that CCTV cameras bring to our cities.
(275 words)
Many many thanks, Simon. I really appreciate all your help. You really provide learners here with a lot of informative information. Thanks so much Simon. Your essays are always great and helpful, especially for those who lack ideas.
Posted by: samsam | September 27, 2017 at 09:13
"...that the benefits do outweigh the drawbacks."
I thought we cannot steal phrases from the question.
Posted by: Miash | September 27, 2017 at 10:50
hello simon
can i use "classical" instead of "very traditional "
Posted by: hayder | September 27, 2017 at 11:44
WHAT DOES "state control" MEAN?
Posted by: samsam | September 27, 2017 at 12:32
Hi Simon, thank you very much for the sample essay. But I'm confused the logic here: "For example, petty criminals like shoplifters and pickpockets are less likely to operate in parts of cities where they know that they are being watched." Being watched by who? The people or the cameras?? Do the author means that the criminals will be easily captured by the video cameras? It seems like a broken sentence with disconnected logic chain with the following sentence.
Could you please help me to make it out? Thank you in advance.
Xinyi
Posted by: WANG Xinyi | September 27, 2017 at 13:39
@samsam
state control means the action of authority, for example, imported tax is considered as one of the form of state control, because it helps to limit certain products.
@WANG Xinyl
The sentence of Simon is absolutely clear and logical, because what we want to emphasize at here is shoplifters and pickpockets.
Posted by: thinh | September 27, 2017 at 16:47
Hi Simon, can you answer this for me please? I'm so confused. I have read one sample writing in New Insight Into IELTS book of Cambridge University Press.
The question is: In some cultures the parents arrange marriages for their children but in others people choose their own marriage partner. What are advantages and disadvantages of each system?
There is nothing relating to "giving your opinion" mentioned in the question but in the sample they do give personal opinions using phrases like "in my view...". Is it appropriate?
Should we give opinion in the questions like this? Thanks so much.
Posted by: Anh | September 28, 2017 at 12:30
I have a question about use of might and may .may shows something that is a possibility (critics may see this )
Might is the past of may and shows hypothetical conditions ( people might disapprove of )
Would it be correct to say why people may disapprove of? Are there any rules about it ?
Thanks
Posted by: Sobirif | September 28, 2017 at 13:27
Sobirif
The Oxford dictionary says: "the two words are generally interchangeable".
"But there is a distinction between may have and might have in certain contexts.
If the event or situation referred to did not in fact occur, it's better to use might have."
Posted by: Wanda | September 28, 2017 at 23:50
Hello Simon! I just want to extend my heartfelt gratitude to you for being my source of inspiration and advice for me to get the band score that I need. I entirely relied on your materials and surrender everything else to God. It did work! God bless you! Thank you so much!!!
Posted by: JENNY MAY WEE | September 29, 2017 at 11:51
Thanks Wanda
Posted by: Sobirif | September 29, 2017 at 12:32
No problem Jenny. I'm glad it worked!
Posted by: Simon | October 03, 2017 at 13:19
Hi Simon, thanks for the example. I feel that my writing skill improved a lot after reading this section.
However, I'd like to ask about the question and response. The question tag was "Do the benefits of increased security outweigh the drawbacks?" another question was "What consequences could this style of parenting have for children as they get older?". I spotted that it considered as "opinion essay" since you used "I believe" and "In my opinion"...? I thought those were discussion essay, and I once told that unless it stated on the question about giving your background/opinion, it's not recommended using "I" in discussion and disadvantages/advantages essay (?) or did I get it wrong?
Thank you before, Simon
Posted by: Rahmaut | October 07, 2017 at 11:26
Hi Simon! Thanks for your course of writing parts in IELTS Test. I have learnt a lot by the video cause, and I am confident to write the introduction and conclusion part of the essay.
But I'm still lack of ability to write a good main body paragraphs,the difficult part. I don't know how to use the vocabulary and phrases like you skillfully, and how to use your 24 topic contents, is that a good try to recite all the 24 topic content? Are there any other measures to accurate the IELTS Writing vocabulary or ideas?
Posted by: Jeiiy | October 08, 2017 at 05:06
Hi,Simon
I can see that this essay is slightly over the word limit (250 words). Is it acceptable? What are the parameters for the word count?
Regards
Liz
Posted by: liz | October 22, 2017 at 01:13
There's no maximum word count Liz. 250 is the minimum, not the maximum.
Posted by: Simon | October 24, 2017 at 16:21
Dear Simon
I have a question regarding the use of personal opinions in this answer. Even though the question does not ask for the writers opinion, is it ok to include it anyway?
Thank you very much
Posted by: Feik | October 30, 2017 at 19:09
Dear Simon,
I am very confused because most of your essay contains personal opinions such as I think, I agree,... But according to what I've learned, we have to avoid using those personal ideas in the IELTS essay
Is it OK to include "I" in the essay?
Posted by: Goben | January 03, 2018 at 10:20
Hi Simon, what is the meaning of "in the sense that..." ?
Posted by: Nguyễn hoàng thị ngọc ánh | February 24, 2018 at 02:50
I like your site very much..
Posted by: Akashdeeo39@gmail.com | September 11, 2018 at 14:44
Sorry for necroing this thread, but the question is do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. I'm really confuse with the first paragraph because what you did was giving "the reason" but not "the drawbacks"
Posted by: Trung Anh Nguyen | August 06, 2020 at 09:22