IELTS Writing Task 2: a paragraph from an adjective

Look again at the question below.

Caring for children is probably the most important job in any society. Because of this, all mothers and fathers should be required to take a course that prepares them to be good parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

When I write my answer I'm going to completely disagree with the idea that all parents should take a parenting course. And I'll build each main body paragraph around a single idea, which can be expressed using an adjective. I'll show you what I mean below.

First main body paragraph: I disagree because the idea is impractical

- Many adults are too busy with work and other commitments
- They may miss sessions, and would they therefore be punished?
- It would be impossible to force prospective parents to attend
- Different parenting styles, impossible to create a course that suits everyone

Second main body paragraph: I disagree because it is unnecessary

- Parents have been raising children without help for thousands of years
- Parents learn from family members, their own upbringing, friends...
- They learn by instinct, trial and error, getting to know their children
- Example: correcting bad behaviour, trying different strategies

Comments

[gioletta]

Mr Simon

Can we repeat the word "impractical" to provide cohesion:

In my view, training courses lack practicality. They are impractical because many adults are too busy .... It would be impractical to force them to attend ..... It would be impractical to create a course that suits everyone ....

Courses are also unnecessary. blah blah blah.

In conclusion, courses are a bad idea as they lack practicality ....

[ZJXSG]

Hi Simon,

Your ideas are very useful. I will take Ielts test on July 7th.

[pachu]

Simon sir,
If the topic sentence in first body paragraph about the course is impractical.Then how many reasons should we write here?If it necessary to write an example here?
Similarly for second body paragraph, the topic sentence is the course is unnecessary.How many reasons and example?

[nafise]

Thank you for sharing your ideas.
can we pose (rhetorical) questions in our essay?
such as: would they therefore be punished?

[gio]

There would be no argument from me that caring for children is an important job in all societies, but to suggest that all mothers and fathers be required to take a course that prepares them to be good parents is both impractical and unnecessary. I completely disagree with the idea that all parents should take a parenting course.
To me, the idea of requiring parents to take a parenting course is very impractical. I would seriously question where such a course would be offered and who would teach it. Many adults are simply too busy with work and other commitments and they would have difficulty finding the time to devote to such a course. I would further question what type of material would be taught in such a course. If a parent were to miss a class, they should not face punishment. I think it would be impossible to force prospective parents to attend any course of this kind because most parents would think it is inappropriate for anyone to suggest that they need to take such a course. Lastly, there are many different parenting styles, and it would be impossible to create a course that suits everyone.
Additionally, I think a mandatory parenting course is totally unnecessary. Parents have been raising children with varying digress of help help for thousands of years and even if they are not the best parents there are current organizations that can provide assistance to those parents who might need it. In most cultures, parents learn from family members, their own upbringing, and friends as to how to become good parents, and even if mistakes occur they usually put their children first and learn to provide the best parenting that is needed. Most parents learn by instinct, trial and error, and getting to know their children resulting in a way to care for them. For example, correcting a child’s bad behaviour, trying different family strategies, and adapting to different parenting approaches are frequently used by parents to become the best parents they can be.
To conclude, I feel there is no need to require parents to take a mandatory training course for parenting.

[gioletta]

@ gio

1) "no argument from me": this phrase is more common in fiction on google books:

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=There+would+be+no+argument%2Cno+argument+from+me%2Cno+argument+from+me%3Aeng_fiction_2012&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2CThere%20would%20be%20no%20argument%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cno%20argument%20from%20me%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cno%20argument%20from%20me%3Aeng_fiction_2012%3B%2Cc0

I would suggest something like:

Caring for children is certainly an important job in all societies, but the idea/proposal that prospective parents be required to undergo training is both impractical and unnecessary.

2) Be aware that "difficulty in finding" is actually more common than "difficulty finding". https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=difficultly+_VERB_%2Cdifficulty+in+finding%2Cdifficulty+finding&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Cdifficultly%20_VERB_%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cdifficulty%20in%20finding%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cdifficulty%20finding%3B%2Cc0

4) Better to leave a blank line between paragraphs and make your paragraphing crystal clear to the examiner.

5) In my view, beginning a paragraph with "additionally" suggests that we are simply carrying on with the same idea as the previous paragraph. -> A mandatory parenting course is also totally unnecessary. "I think" is redundant: of course it is what you think, who else could be thinking it?

6) "varying digress of help" : degrees

7) "and getting to know their children, resulting in a way to care for them" : needs the comma before the adverbial gerund. Did you mean: finding appropriate ways to manage their behavior.

8) Penultimate sentence rewritten to balance:
For example, parents often try out various strategies and approaches to manage a child’s bad behaviour, and in so doing improve the outcomes for all concerned.

9) "In conclusion" is more common:

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=To+conclude%2C+In+conclusion&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2CTo%20conclude%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2CIn%20conclusion%3B%2Cc0

10) If I were a politician giving a speech, I would keep repeating "impractical" like this:

Compulsory parenting courses are simply impractical. It is impractical to offer such courses in terms of locations around the country and in terms of qualified teaching staff. These courses are impractical because many adults are simply too busy with work and other commitments and they would have difficulty finding the time to devote to such a course. They are impractical in terms of what type of material would be taught in such a course, and in terms of what to do about a parent who misses a class. They are impractical as most parents do not think they need them. Lastly, there are many different parenting styles, and it would be impractical to create a course that suits everyone.

Maybe the flow and logic of the ideas could be improved, but perhaps the cohesion is better. Just trying to implement Simon's approach: this is not a suggestion.

[gioletta]

@gio

What emerges from my version is that some of your ideas are repeated: "what type of material would be taught" and " it would be impossible to create a course that suits everyone". Other items do not properly fit under the umbrella of "impractical": "most parents would think it is inappropriate for anyone to suggest that they need to take such a course".

Secondly, although the penultimate paragraph begins with "unnecessary" as the cohesive idea, the reasons (while appropriate) are not properly bundled wrapped up as proving such courses unnecessary. Perhaps insert: "the courses are unnecessary because.." toward the end of the paragraph to maintain one cohesive idea throughout.

[ilkin]

Parents’ first priority should be adequately caring for their children as the real future lies in the hands of children. Some people believe that parents should attend special courses offering the learning how to become good parents. This view is absurd and should not to be taken seriously.

The first reason why I disagree with the idea that courses should be arranged to prepare parents to be good parents is that these courses might be impractical. Firstly, many adults are too busy with work and other commitments. They may miss sessions and would therefore be punished by authorities. If this occurs, then parents might become stressed and nervous rather than being exemplary parents. Secondly, it would be difficult for course arrangers to involve first time expectant mothers in learning because they might be excited about their first experience. Finally, today’s trainings are not enough specialized to create an effective syllabus that suits everyone. Considering listed above points it can be concluded that the idea of forcing parents to take the special courses is impractical.

At the same time, I disagree with the argument because it is unnecessary. For thousands of years, parents have been raising children without help. They learn how to take care of children by practising with their own little sisters and baby cousins and by watching many other people take care of children. Moreover, parents learn by instinct, trial and error, getting to know their children. To illustrate, I recognized that it is indeed essential to purchase baby car sea after experiencing automobile crash with the family members. As we have seen, special courses are superfluous because parents are enough informed and experienced to take care of their children.

On the whole, I completely disagree with the statement and in my view compulsory courses for parents are not only impractical, but also they are needless.

[Cara]

@ilkin
"training" is rarely pluralized by native speakers. -> training sessions are not specialized enough (nb word order)

-> Considering the points listed above

-> well-enough informed

"lack practicality" is a phrase.

[ilkin]

@Cara
Thank you for your comments.

[Kata]

Hi ilkin

1) "Parents’ first priority " -> The top priority of parents..

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=Parents%27+first+priority%2CThe+first+priority+of+parents%2Cpriority+of+parents%2Cfirst+duty+of+parents%2C+*+top+priority&year_start=1800&year_end=2000&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Cpriority%20of%20parents%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cfirst%20duty%20of%20parents%3B%2Cc0%3B.t2%3B%2C%2A%20top%20priority%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Ba%20top%20priority%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bthe%20top%20priority%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bgiven%20top%20priority%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bgive%20top%20priority%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bof%20top%20priority%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bgave%20top%20priority%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bhave%20top%20priority%3B%2Cc0%3B%3B%27s%20top%20priority%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Breceive%20top%20priority%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bgiving%20top%20priority%3B%2Cc0

Eg: "The number-one priority of parents today is that their children attend 'safe schools'."

https://books.google.co.nz/books?id=wElWl9YT1DUC&pg=PP11&dq=%22priority+of+parents%22&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwj5xpalguvbAhWaQd4KHaP4BoMQuwUIOjAD#v=onepage&q=%22priority%20of%20parents%22&f=false

2) "offering the learning how to become good parents": "learning" in English is sometimes misused to mean "teaching" but it is a non-standard "hill-billy" usage. -> offering guidance on how to achieve better outcomes for their children.
(Modern jargon uses "outcomes" in the context of child behavior. We are not in fact concerned with whether the parent is "good" or "bad", just the child's behavior,learning, social interaction and health)

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=outcomes+for+their+children&year_start=1800&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Coutcomes%20for%20their%20children%3B%2Cc0

3) "the idea that courses should be arranged to prepare parents to be good parents is that these courses" : long-winded and circuitous. -> this idea is that these courses...

4) "At the same time, ": curiously, this phrase tends to introduce a concession, or contrary point. On reading it, I was expecting an argument to show that there was indeed a need for the courses. -> Also,..

5) "automobile crash " -> singular uncountable noun needs an article.

6) "On the whole, ": this phrase is used where, on balance, you (dis)agree; that is you recognize there are arguments in both ways. So it does not sit well with "completely". -> In conclusion,...

[Kata]

correction: arguments both ways OR in both directions OR on both sides

[Kata]

@nafise

"It isn't considered appropriate academic style."

http://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2013/06/students-questions-1.html

[ilkin]

Hi @Kata
Thank you!

[Peng]

In my opinion, forcing all parents to take parenthood courses is completely impractical. Many adults now are too busy with their works and other schedules. This raises a question - would the parents who miss sessions be punished? I do not think so. Therefore, it would be impossible to force prospective parents to attend. In addition, every parents have their own teaching style and idea of education. It would be very difficult to create a course that makes everyone happy.

[Tiger]

Hi Simon,
I have noticed that you view the first sentence of this quest as a background because you did not use one paragraph to answer it. However, I also noticed that on May 11, 2016, you analyzed 2 questions about which part to answer.

My question is why should we view the first sentence as a background rather than idea that should be answered.(Mainly because the first sentence and second sentence of the question are not connected?) Is there anything that could help me to distinguish the background from statement.

Thanks!