IELTS Writing Task 2: 'parenting' topic

Let's start work on a new writing topic. Here's a recent exam question that a student sent me:

Caring for children is probably the most important job in any society. Because of this, all mothers and fathers should be required to take a course that prepares them to be good parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

Feel free to share your ideas in the 'comments' area below this lesson, and I'll continue with this topic next Wednesday.

Comments

[Al-Ghandi]

A nice idea, but how could we agree on what is in the course? Below are some views, copied from the internet.

"The time spent by mothers with their children has a noticeable influence on early child development. A young child’s cognitive and social skills are improved considerably by spending more time with their mother between the ages of three and seven. Time spent engaging in educational activities, such as reading, between the ages of three and five with a mother who has been educated beyond the minimum school-leaving age, leads to an increase in verbal skills at age seven."

"Research on child development has been focused on mothers, their parenting and mental health, while fathers’ role is often overlooked"

"Many have undermined the work of the house wife which is one of the greatest services to the community. The responsibilities of a home and children are abundant and challenging. The woman has the task of homemaking, which entails a lot of physical labor, and the job of shaping her children to be productive citizens."

On day-care: "a mother's compassion, sympathy and supervision cannot be compensated by a servant or a teacher. How can children get benefit from a mother spending her day at work and on her arrival at home being tired and stressed? Neither her physical nor her psychological condition would allow the best she has to give regarding education or direction to her children. Her work should not affect other duties which cannot be neglected, such as her duty towards her children and husband, which is her foremost and basic duty. She has to take care of her children, raise them well, implant virtues, and make them loathe evil. She has to teach them to obey Allah, encourage them to defend what is truthful, not dissuade them from fighting for the sake of Allah (one form of jihad) because of the motherly sentiments in her heart but to favor the correct way over sentiment."

[Amber]

Thank you for your sharing.
Here is my outline for the lesson:
*Introduction: Agree
*Body:
- P1: Explain why educating children is a crucial task for all time
+have profound influence on children's future
+ determine the person the child will become
+ fundamentally contribute to the development of society
- P2: Explain why parents necessarily attend parenting classes
+ help parents grasp the knowledge of parenting and child development
+ have a great opportunity to socialize with other parents and experts to learn about practical experience.
+ become more confident in nuturing children
+ for example: Busy parents can also be close friends with their children even though they don't have much time for them daily thanks to favorable advices from others

[ad]

agree
caring of children is crucial because
-vulnerable to many diseases
-children are mostly accompanied by parents, care becomes their prime responsibility, it is their job
-thoughts building of children is linked with parents' attitude.
-will affect children throughout life, how was their brought up.

education is required
-unfamiliar, that is why need to learn tactics
-better able to deal with problems
-would have knowledge to teach them basics, as parents are first teachers, significantly essential to give them advice about how to talk, behave, think and learn.
-if they will not learn, detrimental effets
-provide guidance about products and things needed
-will be able to quickly resolve matters, if they have acquired knowledge beforehand. proactive

[[email protected]]

hi my exam data is 23-6-2018. please give me some suggestions.
thank you

[Ann]

Here are some aspects found in google:

agree:
-one of the main benefits is in making new friends. You will meet other new moms and chances are they are experiencing the same sorts of things you are. They will have the same questions and concerns and knowing there are others in same boat as you is a confidence boost in itself.

-Then there are skills to learn. How to change a diaper, feeding, bathing and sleep routines. All these issues are discussed and more. And it’s always good to know about things before they happen.

disagree:
-If you live out of town and transport is not too flash, finding the time and the money to get to a class may be difficult. And if the local classes are not free and you are struggling financially, then again going to class is not an easy decision.

-not necessary: most family members have a tip or piece of advice. Grandmothers in particular may believe they know all about bringing up a baby – after all they brought up the parents of this new baby. And while it’s great to hear advice from others, sometimes that advice may be a little strange or even downright wrong.

[rüknettin]

dear simon,

today, i have finally finished reading all posts of this blog.

while reading, i understood all your posts without using dictionary.

according to me, i can write whatever you wrote on this site.

but if i try to write something or speak about a topic, i feel myself as a primary school student.

all my vocabulary&grammar disappear!
what is solution for this problem?

[Loretta]

Read vast so that your brain will retain a lot of grammar. Relax and believe in yourself while writing.if you are calm and not fidgety, your brain will work better and those stored vocabularies will easily be retrieved

[gioletta]

Ideas from the internet

"The notion that parents can ruin their children by rearing them poorly (or turn them into happy, successful adults by rearing them well) is a relatively new idea. Before the late 1940s, most American parents thought that kids turned out the way they did because they were 'born that way.'

"Classical studies of twins demonstrate that parenting has little impact on development. Studies examining identical twins separated at birth and reared apart have repeatedly revealed (in shocking ways) the same thing: these individuals are remarkably similar when in fact they should be utterly different (they have completely different environments, but the same genes).

"Children cannot learn how to behave by imitating their parents, because most of the things they see their parents doing (such as making a mess, painting the walls, bossing other people around, driving cars, lighting matches, coming and going as they please, and so on) are prohibited to children. From the child's point of view, socialization in the early years consists mainly of learning that you are not supposed to behave like your parents.

"Parenting is a waste of time and effort. Leadership is better: just get on with your own life and enjoy it. Rest assured that however your children turn out, however much they blame you, it is rarely your fault, except in so far as you gave them half their genes."

[Hien Tran]

Here is my outline for both views:
Agree:
- Idea 1: A course makes parenting less stressful
+ Explain: helps parents to acknowledge and be prepared for all challenges they may face during their children's development
+ Example: during puberty, many teenagers experience sudden changes in emotions and feelings -> have unpredictable behaviors -> if parents understand, they will not be worried and angry.
- Idea 2: Parenting requires special methods needed to be taught
+ Explain: a child has a different point of view than an adult. Therefore educating a child requires specific methods to approach their mindset and build their manners -> parents need to be taught these skills
+ Example: infants and toddlers usually behave instinctively (throwing tantrums in public, for instance) and are unable to communicate reasonably and clearly -> prepared parents will know how to calm them down while unprepared parents will get angry easily, may use violent methods, etc.

Disagree:
- Idea 1: a course is not enough to cover everything a parent should know
+ Explain: growing is a complicated process which is affected by many factors while each child is very different -> there is no course that can teach people how to grow a person
+ example: even scientists are still debating about which educational method is most suitable for children development
- Idea 2: a theoretical course is not as useful as personal experience
+ Explain: using self-experience is easier for parents to understand their children.
+ Example: Parents can find advice for varied situations from relatives and friends that no course can teach them.

Since agreeing is easier for me to write, I'll write this way.

[Quintus]

Caring and giving well education for children is an essential task in any society. Broadly speaking, children is the one who leading us in the following decades. They are the one who will shape our country and rule the world in the future. To become a good parent is incontrovertible in constructing a child’s characteristic and shaping a better future.

To begin with, I broadly agree all parents should be required to take a course that prepares them to be good parent. A course which provides appropriate attitudes with responsibility. It is undeniable that parents are the first teacher who introduce the world to kid. During childhood, a proper way of caring and appropriate engagement with children should be given to fulfill their satisfaction. Full attention should be given to fulfill their boundless curiosity. In addition, parents’ behaviour will affect their thoughts, psychological perception and moral values. Furthermore, children will bring those moral stands to the school and ‘contribute’ to the society in the future. For instance, a classical argument, how we explain or evaluate the meaning of a white lie to the kid?

In the other hands, I would argue that we should give certain level of flexibility in child caring. Everyone owns their natural character and there is no single medicine for all illnesses. Take it serious and look into the insights and values of caring.

In conclusion, I would say that a pre-course of teaching you how to become a good parent seems beneficial to most of us. However, there have no perfection in any standard policy or syllabus.

[Sunita]

@Quintus

1) Unfortunately, it is care "for", and give something "to", so the grammar does not line up in the first sentence. Perhaps: caring for children and giving them a good education OR raising children and providing for their education.

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=raising+children%2Ccaring+for+children%2Clooking+after+children%2Cbringing+up+children%2Cproviding+for+their+education%2Cgiving+them+a+good+education&year_start=1800&year_end=2000&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Craising%20children%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Ccaring%20for%20children%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Clooking%20after%20children%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cbringing%20up%20children%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cproviding%20for%20their%20education%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cgiving%20them%20a%20good%20education%3B%2Cc0

2) "children is the one who": subject verb agreement -> children are the ones who will lead ... They are the ones who will ..

3) https://www.google.com/search?q=%22it+is+incontrovertible+that%22&tbas=0&tbm=bks&ei=nBMiW-OZA4yy0ATyo7WIAw&start=10&sa=N&biw=1215&bih=958&dpr=1

-> It is incontrovertible that becoming a good parent is an essential step in constructing a child's character and ...

4) "A course which provides appropriate attitudes with responsibility." NO main verb.

5) " kid": this word is used in self-help and popular psychology books, but not in academic writing.

6) "moral stands" -> moral standards

7) "In the other hands," -> On the other hand,

8) Take it seriously

9) "there have no perfection" -> there is (this is a Spanish crossover)

10) The essence of the question is that prospective parents should be required to take a preparatory course in child-rearing. Whilst your essay goes around this topic, in my view, the "should" part of the question has not been addressed. The implication is that it is the business of the government of the day to intervene and lay down the rules for parenting. To me, the question is about whether this is the legitimate province of government.

Whilst there may well be countries where levels of child abuse and domestic violence may warrant government intervention, we would need to justify a general need for this and provide a rationale and framework.

[pachu]

Topic: Parenting
Controlling ideas :I) caring of children
II)parenting course

Thesis statement :Agree

Body I : Caring of children.Why?
-It helps to become a good citizen in society.
-It helps in education to become a good student.
-It helps to maintain discipline in life.
Supporting details :(HOW)
Children get knowledge from their parents and behave in the same manner.
Example:Children learn initial language from their father and mother and imitate the same.Therefore, parent is the first teacher of any child.
Body 2:Parenting course: Why ?
-Teaches lesson to love and care to their children.
-Save time for caring children from their working busy schedule.
-Make mother and father more responsible to take care of their children.
Supporting details :(HOW ?)
increasing depth knowledge of duty of a father and mother towards their offspring.
Example: Different types of training course have to provide to the parents about the parenting.So they become loyal towards their children.
Conclusion :I agree that caring of children is perhaps the most essential job in the community and every mother and father should take a course that makes them to be good parents.

[Xian]

disagree.
for: parenting course improve parents'caring skills. this kind of knowledge is particularly useful for the first-time parents.
against:
1.it should not be mandatory. Parents are busy working. They may not have time for this required course.
2. there are alternative ways to learn how to take care of their children. For example, consult a doctor, search for information online, learn from the elderly people...

[Kin]

The importance of child care that leads to the fact that parents should now be enrolled themselves in courses to be good parents, which was always debatable, has now become more controversial. In this essay, I will elaborate and delineate this view but also other aspects, and thus will lead to a logical conclusion through a pragmatic approach.

At the outset, there are numerous benefits as to why people should take up courses in order to prepare themselves to be good parents, but the most conspicuous one lies in the fact of the valuable knowledge, skill, and technique for child care that the course centers can provide. For instance, startling empirical evidence collected from a research study conducted by the University of California invariably revealed some prolific indications and rendered that people who have gone through these courses have better approaches in every aspect for caring children. They learn how to feed, communicate, care and response to an infant, all of which all are valuable and scientifically proven knowledge for those who have no experience before.

Nevertheless, there remain other aspects, which the people should look at in order to become a good parent. Rather than learning from the institution, people can learn all sorts of child caring experiences from their mother and father, which does not cost a penny. Cultures and traditions could be very different for each person. Practices and experiences given by their close family members would apply better to their children as compared to those who do not understand much about the family background. For example, parents can provide dietary advice as they know well about the family genetical health issues. In this instance, perhaps learning from family is a better one.

According to the compelling arguments outlined above, it can be seen that taking a course is not the most prominent but equally important as the other approach as mentioned.

[preet]

Simon,

Just due to your efficient website, a couple of years ago I got 7 bands. Perhaps, you know once you came online for one hours on facebook for all. That time I talked to u and cleared my doubts. This time I am preparing myself for general exam, my exam is on 7 june.

Please let me know may I use phrases in writing task 2

1) it goes without saying.
2). There are no bounds about it
3) it is apt to say that

These phrases can be fruitful to attain 8 bands or not

Thankyou

[Sunita]

How about this line of thinking?

There are other important jobs such as elected representative in government - mayor, prime minister - for which there are no prerequisite qualifications. These jobs are arguably more important as they involve making decisions which affect thousands of lives, whereas parental decisions only affect a few. There are also other jobs such as farming, which are equally important (the food supply is important). These also require no mandatory qualification. So the logic in the question is broken. Just because it is an important task does not automatically mean there should be a compulsory training course.

I could name a few presidents that might benefit from a training course !

[Ameet]

Dear Simon,

Many times IELTS aspirants write their academic or general essays by following your valuable lessons on this page and of course, your unable to respond on each essay for all of your followers. My request is that, please take any one essay and evaluate it to as model answer to band 09 accordingly. In this way, we can easily follow your lessons interestingly. Thanks. Looking forward to your positive response

[Sunita]

@ Preet

1) "it goes without saying" is widely used.

2) "there are no bounds about it" does not match any results on google books: https://www.google.com/search?tbo=p&tbm=bks&q=%22there+are+no+bounds+about+it%22&num=10

The usual phrase is "knows no bounds".

3) "it is apt to say that": there seems to be no evidence that this phrase is used by native speakers at all.
https://www.google.com/search?q=%22it+is+apt+to+say+that%22&tbm=bks&ei=d7YiW_T8IMi20QSt746YDQ&start=0&sa=N&biw=1215&bih=958&dpr=1

[Sunita]

@Kin

1) "should now be enrolled themselves ": "themselves" reads here as an object, but passive verbs never have an object (except for a few verbs in English such as "give").

2) "..which was always debatable, has now become more controversial." Really? Where is your evidence for this assertion?

3) "In this essay, I will ... pragmatic approach." This reads like a pre-learned formulaic opening statement, and as such would drag your score down.

4) "At the outset,... provide. " Unduly verbose and roundabout. Get to the point: shorten to:
" Courses can provide valuable knowledge, skill, and techniques for child care".

5) " invariably ": why "invariably" ??

6) "rendered" -> concluded

7) in every aspect of

8) response = noun
respond = verb

9) "no experience before." -> no prior/previous experience

10) "Nevertheless, ...good parent." Overly heavy linking sentence. Something shorter would suffice: "There are other considerations."

11) In this instance, perhaps learning from family is a better one choice/option.

12) "According to the compelling arguments outlined above,": formulaic and verbose -> In conclusion

13) " it can be seen that " : unnecessary in this context.

14) "taking a course is not the most prominent but equally important as the other approach as mentioned." What? Too vague and referential. Just restate your opinion crisply, concisely and clearly. -> Most prospective parents would benefit from taking a course.

Kin, in my view, it would be better to make your point more concisely and support the logic of your argument with appropriate examples. It seems you already have the command of English to do this.

[Sunita]

@Ameet

I think what you are asking for is very difficult indeed. For instance, if I took Kin's essay above and applied all my suggestions as above, and then rewrote what was left more concisely, there would be almost nothing left of the original...

[preet]

@sunita

I found the phrases in discovery Channel when a documentary was airing in association with army. There were subtitles from where I picked it up.

That's y I wanna know what Simon would say.

[Sunita]

@preet

English is widely used as an international language for business and diplomacy, and as a second language for over thirty million people in India alone. The result is that there is quite a wide variety of English in use. There are idioms in use in India, such as "middle stump", which are rarely used by many people in the UK, although presumably familiar to sections of the community. For example here:

https://www.testbytes.net/blog/fitnesse-vs-selenium-testing/

This article does indeed use the phrase "At the end, it is apt to say that..." in the penultimate paragraph, but is clearly written by someone with a less-than-perfect understanding of British native-speaker idiom. "At the end" would normally be "in the end" or "in conclusion". This is confirmed by the opening sentence: 'Programming and development of a software product is not an end of the entire task' - which is difficult to assimilate.

The material on Google books has been professionally edited to meet the requirement of "standard" English, so for this reason it is a reliable guide of what is acceptable in written English and what is not. Of course, google books encompasses a number of genres, such as fiction, self-help books and business jargon, so one needs to check the context is suitable. Ultimately IELTS writing is a test of you knowledge of what is acceptable in context as "standard" English.

The other guides to this are called "style manuals"; there is one for the UK civil service, guides at various universities, and for various publishing houses. The difficulty with the guides is that they are for a particular genre which does not automatically coincide with what is required in IELTS. That is why using google books with some care is in general your best bet.

[Sunita]

@preet

Google books is your best guide, although we need to be careful with the genre.

[Yun]

Introduction: Agree.

Body I: Drawbacks
(1)They just care their kids what they learn from the related courses.
(2) They will be nervous and panic if their children are under serious situation that they don't be taught in the class, such as falling off the bed, crying for no reason.
(3) If teacher doesn't teach the correct concepts, the parents may misunderstand and treat their kids with the wrong ways.

Body II: Benifits
(1) The parents have more confidence to care their coming baby, they are prepared and less nervous to face them.
(2) They get some instructions from the courses. It is useful to deal with the problems when they have. For example, food for kids, the needs in different growing stage.
(3) It can reduce the quarrels between the parents because they have the same concepts how to care the kids.

Conclusion: Agree.

[loi]

here is my outline
Totally agree
Body
P1: explain why attening parenting classes is crucial in all society (for children and society)
+ has a noticeable influence on early child cognitive development. helping them have good social skills
+ they are more likely to become reponsible person for their family and community, try their best to make valuable contribution to the development of society
P2: explain why parenting workshop can help inexperienced parents
+ great opportunity to socialize with other parents and experts to have more guide to deal with difficulties
+ feel more confident and secure in nuturing children

[TuanAnh]

My outline
Agree,
P1: Why parents need to prepare to become good parents?
+ Caring for children, especially for a newborn baby is a difficult job, because dislike adults, they need a different food, healthcare, and so on.
+ Play and Educate children also need a good method, not only parents love, to help children better characteristics
P2: Why taking a course is a good method, comparing with other methods such as learning online, ask advice from an elder?
+ Meet other parents with same problems and same concern. We can share our stress, get help and advice from others.
+ Learn from expert to get correct and good methods.

[Ameet]

It is argued that all parents should participate the childcare training course to bring up their children with good health in society. While, from my point of view, I agree that all parents should learn about childcare, but it is not necessary to attend the childcare training course for all parents.

Para:01 (idea) Childcare training course are essential for learning the parents to care and need of their child because it provides the complete knowledge about their babies those who are new parents and in addition, parents can understand the need in critical situation i.e., the basic requirements of babies when growing up, the medical care in some cases and their proper feeding schedule.

Para 02 (idea). However, although, childcare is the most essential in many societies but it is not possible to attend the childcare training course for all parents due the increasing number of new parents in each year. Because, all parents are not financially eligible for attending the childcare course in my country and many parents are bound to some cultural and religious For example, in Pakistan, there are about more than one million children are born annually………………….

To be continued.............

[Kin]

Thanks @Sunita for the feedbacks. Just want to know roughly what band will be my essay?

[Sunita]

@Kin

Honestly, that is a very difficult question. There are some minor errors such as: " learning from the institution" (->from an institution/from institutions), and "they know well about" (->they know much about). Although the overall impression seems quite good, it would really be a matter of how it all adds up.

[Gaya]

@Ameet

1)"While" is not normally followed by a comma, nor is "but" usually used in the same sentence. The same applies to "although". See here (the second sentence):

"Although there are some drawbacks of Internet-based learning, I would argue that there are far more benefits."

http://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2017/03/ielts-writing-task-2-positive-or-negative-essay.html

2) Switch the word order:
-> it is not necessary for all parents to attend the childcare training course .

3) While writing, it is important to check every sentence and ensure that the subject/verb agree in number. For example:
" Childcare training courses are essential"

4) "essential for learning the parents to care and need of their child":
learning -> teaching
the parents -> parents (no article as generalization)
-> to care and provide for their child

5) "the complete knowledge": "knowledge" is usually uncountable and as such requires no article.

6) " in critical situation": "situation" is countable, and as such requires an article in the singular -> in a critical situation

7) "Because, all ": "Because" is not an adverb; it is a subordinating conjunction.
It is essential to demonstrate correct use of a variety of sentence structures. See here:
https://learnenglish.britishcouncil.org/en/english-grammar/sentence-structure

[Gaya]

@Ameet
Some useful links:

http://www.ieltstutors.org/ieltstutors-tips-blog/ielts-band-7-grammar-subordinate-clauses

http://random-idea-english.blogspot.com/2014/08/exploring-concession-and-contrast.html

[Ameet]

@Gaya

Thanks for compliments. Soon I shall post full answer. This was posted as planning of essay by spending 15 minutes.

[Ameet]

@Gaya

Thanks for compliments. Soon I shall post my full answer for this essay. Actually,I typed it via mobile phone and this was the planning within 15 minutes for just getting ideas. Therefore, I didn't check it before posting

[Sepide]

Thanks for sharing. This is my essay on this topic. If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know.

It is true that growing children is one of the most significant roles of parents that can have a great impact on the society. Some people believe that in order to better prepare parents for this job, compulsory courses are needed. I strongly agree with this opinion and believe that such courses are very beneficial.

Taking a course on the appropriate ways of parenting can increase the awareness of children's guardians or custodians about the importance and the best methods of caring for children. Many parents do not take time reading about different types of parenting styles and use a traditional approach. For example, many parents are unaware of the numerous mental and physical impacts of corporal punishment and still believe that such methods are effective and beneficial. It is then vital to increase the knowledge of parents, and this would be possible by offering compulsory classes and workshops. As a result of this type of obligatory education, better methods of parenting will be applied by mothers and fathers.

With the help of classes, parents can meet each other, and an opportunity to discuss various problems will be provided. The public classes help parents use the experience of others and discuss their own challenges. Many people face a range of problems in dealing with their children. However, a small proportion of parents talk to a psychologist or an expert. They have also serious problems in finding people who deal with the same issues. Such public courses, give the opportunity of talking to an expert, discussing their questions and finding people with similar challenges. I believe this is a positive phenomenon that can help those having children.

In conclusion, using the best method of parenting is an important obligation of parents that can also affect the societies. I believe compulsory courses are effective in growing well-behaved children and should be taken into account.

[Simon]

FROM SIMON:

Thanks for sharing your ideas. I think I'm going to try giving a "completely disagree" answer. You'll see my first lesson about this on Wednesday.

[Sandi]

@Sepide

1) "grow" as a transitive verb (with an object) has restricted uses (with plants, hair/nails, and business only):
https://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/definition/english/grow

With children, the verb is "raise", or "bring up":
https://www.google.com/search?tbo=p&tbm=bks&q=%22raise+children%22&num=10

2) Note that "take a course in" is six times more common than "take a course on":

https://www.google.com/search?q=%22take%20a%20course%20in%22&tbm=bks&tbas=0

https://www.google.com/search?q=%22take%20a%20course%20on%22&tbm=bks&tbas=0

3) "The public classes help parents" -> Public classes would help parents... OR These public classes ....

4) " a small proportion of parents" -> only a small proportion of parents OR few parents ....

5) https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=give+an+opportunity%2Cprovide+an+opportunity&year_start=1900&year_end=2000&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Cgive%20an%20opportunity%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cprovide%20an%20opportunity%3B%2Cc0

6) https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=a+positive+phenomenon%2Ca+positive+outcome&year_start=1960&year_end=2000&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Ca%20positive%20phenomenon%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Ca%20positive%20outcome%3B%2Cc0

7) "having children" usually refers to giving birth. -> raising/bringing up children

8) "the societies": which societies are you referring to? No specifics have been mentioned so far. If you mean "society in general", then use the uncountable form without an article -> society.

9) "growing well-behaved children" -> in producing well-behaved children

10) "should be taken into account." -> should be given proper consideration.

11) My impression was that more or less the same point was re-iterated and restated throughout. I would suggest taking a less bland standpoint, presenting arguments against the thesis, and finding different aspects around the issue to develop your argument further and give a more rounded answer. For example, what right does the government have to intervene? What about conflict with religious ideas and resistance from traditional groupings? Who would fund the courses? How can you be so sure they would make a difference? And so on.

[Sandi]

A) In traditional societies, children were brought up as part of an extended family including grandparents, aunts and uncles. Consequently, parents were not under the same day-to-day pressure. Also, children were often around their family all day long, helping out in the fields, and with the animals. Today, mothers are often left alone with young children for most of the day, or only get to deal with their children after a long day's work when everyone is over-tired.

B) In recent times, as a result of war, refugees and displacement, some children have had a traumatic childhood. Other children have been brought up by carers. Despite this, most children seem to get over their early struggles and turn out well enough in the end. For example, Winston Churchill saw little of his parents, yet became a famous war-time leader. In the case of those whom we now consider less worthy (think of a bad or evil politician), we do not automatically blame poor parenting, a bad mother, or inadequate parental training. Did the mother of Pol Pot, lack parental training, and so do a bad job? Was that the problem?

[Oleg]

Some time ago I was talking with an elderly man in the Black Forest in Germany. He complained that he had been underfed by the British as a prisoner of war in 1945. Frankly, at a time when half of Europe was either dead, bombed, shivering, grieving, or starving as a result of Nazi-led war, I thought this was a bit lopsided. However, his view was the result of years of Nazi indoctrination.

So when someone suggests compulsory re-education for prospective parents, I think of it as the the first step toward a new totalitarianism. We have been there before.

[Sepide]

@Sandi

Thanks for your comments on my essay. They are very helpful.

[Navi]

I need 7 bands
Plz give suggestions for improvement
Parenting is a very complex phenomenon therefore it is believed that parents should undergo a certain training to give best performance.
On the one hand, I do not reckon that parenting is a thing which needs to be taught to someone rather it is something which comes naturally after giving birth to a child due to emotional bonding. Secondly, all the children are not same and there are different ways to handle each child and only the birth givers are best known about the method for proper upbringing of their child. Furthermore, there is no need of formal coaching for it as one learns it in his childhood by looking at the way his parents have nourished him.
However, I cannot overlook the fact that with the passage of time certain changes occurs. Old parenting techniques are not considered viable in modern epoch. Hence,to cope up with current generation there is requirement of parenting education. It will be highly appreciated especially by those who usually have tough time with their young ones. Apart from this, earlier in joint family, duty of nurturing of child was shared among all family members but now in nuclear families it's a sole obligation of mother and father. Besides this, it gives a common platform to parents to discuss their problems and experiences while parenting which may be beneficial for them to be good parents.
Overall, no doubt parenting skills are already present in mother and father but still in order to deal with the problem of youngsters need to parenting course looks feasible.

[nafise]

this is my essay. I would be grateful if I could receive your invaluavle comments.

It is true that how to bring children up is vitally important. That is why some argue that it should be compulsory for parents to take some courses in order for them to become ready enough for this task. Personally, I agree with this viewpoint for two main reasons. (49)
One major reason why I believe that parents should be obliged to attend courses related to how to raise their children is that parenting is a technique that requires awareness. People tend to spend years learning how to compose a piece of music or draw an impressive painting. More importantly, rearing children needs spending lots of time, taking part in a course the aim of which is to raise awareness on how people can properly perform their roles as parents. For instance, by passing these courses, individuals will notice how they should counteract an angry child or how they should behave if their child is self-centered. (106)
Another reason why in my view, such classes should be obligatory for mothers and fathers, is that they can help them realize how much prepared they are from a financial, physical and psychological perspective to take the responsibility of caring for children. If parents knew how much money, energy and time they should allow to be able to act as good parents, they might even stopped having babies until they ensured that they could cope with parental role at its best. In such classes, they can understand about these least elements that a person should enjoy for being eligible to look after children. (103)
In conclusion, it is clear to me that there should be a requirement for taking care of children; that is taking a preparatory course by parents whose purpose is to perform such task efficiently. (33)
(288 words)

[zoltan]

@Navi

1) "Receive", or "be given" some training are more common than "undergo" some training.
-> should be given some training to improve their performance and outcomes for the children.

2) Safer to use "in my view", which is far more common than "I do not reckon" in non-fiction. The latter is marked as "spoken" in this meaning here: https://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/reckon

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=I+do+not+reckon%2Cin+my+view%2C+I+do+not+reckon%3Aeng_fiction_2012&year_start=1900&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2CI%20do%20not%20reckon%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cin%20my%20view%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2CI%20do%20not%20reckon%3Aeng_fiction_2012%3B%2Cc0

3) It is generally better to avoid the word "thing" in IELTS writing, as it suggests that you do not actually know a more accurate word. -> In my view, parenting comes naturally after birth due to emotional bonding and the influence of oxytocin on the female brain and vasopressin in males.

4) "all the children": using "the" creates a meaning similar to "all those children", and the reader is left wondering which group is being referred to. -> all children are not the same

5) " only the birth givers are best known about the method for proper upbringing of their child." -> mother knows best

6) " certain changes occurs. ": subject/verb agreement !

7) "there is requirement of for parenting education. "

8) "in joint family, "-> in an extended family setting

9) "duty of nurturing of child "-> child-care duties

10) "it's a sole obligation" -> it is the sole obligation

11) "Overall, there is no doubt parenting skills"

Not sure what exactly what is meant in the second part of the last sentence: it needs rephrasing.

It is generally better to leave an entire blank line between paragraphs so that your paragraphing is absolutely clear to the examiner.

The last sentence of the penultimate paragraph does not seem to fit the flow of your argument or properly sum up the preceding idea. Your attitude to older parenting techniques seems to be ambivalent and unclear. Do you feel older approaches are outdated? Or do they still form part of the "mother knows best" idea? It is essential to maintain a clear stance throughout.

Perhaps better to focus more on whether the courses should be compulsory or not, and home in on whether they are justified, and whether they would be effective: this would underpin your argument.

[zoltan]

nafise

1) I would shorten the first two sentences of the introduction, and put more into the body paragraphs.

2) "[One major reason why I believe that parents should be obliged to attend courses related to how to raise their children is that] parenting is a technique that requires awareness." Chop out the wording in brackets: it is superfluous and redundant. Focus more on supporting and developing your argument with examples and so on.

3) The second paragraph seemed a bit muddled: try to focus on one major idea in each paragraph.

4) "by passing these courses": so what happens to parents who fail the course? Are they forbidden to have any children at all? Forcibly sterilized?

5) Leave a blank line between paragraphs.

6) Your argument assumes that parenting is a teachable skill, and a skill that is teachable by conventional classroom/group methodology: this is open to question.

7) People do have more than one child, despite by that time already being aware all that hat entails.

[BP DAS]

Dear Simon, Can you please comment on my writing?

Good parenting is an absolute necessary for every culture and society. It is argued that parenting course should be taken by all parents to prepare themselves to learn how to raise their children. However, In my opinion I do not agree with the idea because parenting is a basic instinct and people can learn from other sources.

One good reason why a training course on parenting will be a waste of tome and money is that human being have a natural instinct to raise their children, as any other animal. A new mother always understands when to feed her child, no training can teach her, nor required to learn the way, how to determine whether her newborn child is hungry. In addition, imposing some external stimulus or odd learning may disturb the work of the nature.

Another point to mention is that, people can learn a lot from family, society and other sources so much that a specific course on parenting that may cost time and money is totally unnecessary. Family members , particularly the seniors members, for instance, can serve as a mentor for new parents to guide them. In addition, someone from close family member will have a better understanding for the socio-cultural perspective of the specific parents, can provide person-specific and culturally sensitive advice that may not be provided by a generic training course. Finally, arranging course for millions will be an expensive option for government as well as for the individual involved.
In conclusion, my own opinion is that parenting is an inborn instinct and spending to train parents will be only the was of resources.

[zoltan]

@BP DAS

1) " parenting course": singular countable noun normally has an article. -> a parenting course

2) "In my opinion I do not agree with the idea because": EITHER "in my opinion" OR "I do not agree.." But not both.

3) " human being have" : subject verb agreement !

4) "nor is required to learn the way how ... "

5) "Another point to mention is that, people can learn": no comma required.

6) "arranging courses for millions "

Might have mentioned that people can learn from the internet too !

[Xian]

Below is my essay and any comments will be highly appreciated.

Some people argue all parents should take mandatory courses to learn how to look after their babies because it is the most significant work in the world. While I accept that this kind of training can be helpful for several reasons, I do not think it should be required for all mothers and fathers.

The argument in favor of caring lessons for all parents would be that most young parents lack experience taking care of children. Their caring skills will be greatly improved by attending such courses. In fact, a series of well-designed training sessions offered by professionals can be particularly useful for first-time parents. These new moms and dads, for example, will develop a range of skills from changing diapers to cooking babies' food.

Nevertheless, I believe these courses should optional because there are alternative ways to acquire this kind of knowledge. Firstly, there is always the possibility to consult a doctor or look for information online when parents are in need of studying. Secondly, nowadays people get used to learn from the elderly people in the family especially in certain culture. Chinese parents, for instance, tend to pass their experience of child caring from generation to generation. Finally, the vast majority of mothers and fathers have to work hard in order to support the whole family. It would be impractical to force them to attend additional courses on top of their heavy workload.

In conclusion, while preparation courses help people to become better parents in various aspects, I do not believe they should be mandatory for everyone.

[zoltan]

@Xian

"when parents are in need of studying." I think you meant "... in need of information/direction".

"nowadays people get used to learn ...": people are used to learning from the older generation. ("the elderly" suggests physical incapacity, senile dementia and so forth).

"have to work hard": here better: have to work long hours

If I were arguing that "parenting courses should not be mandatory" as per your conclusion, I would devote both main paragraphs to that end. The first body para in your submission advances your argument not one jot or tittle. (ie not at all). So delete it. I would address the following:

1) Poor parenting is hardly a world priority: the major threats are coming from environmental catastrophes in our lifetime. There are better and more urgent ways to spend our time, money and resources.

2) If domestic violence and child abuse are an issue in a particular country, then the response and intervention should be better targeted toward those parents who are actually failing.

3) It is statistically proven over and over again that poverty, poor housing, unemployment, inequality, and unequal opportunities are the key factors in that need to be addressed to improve childhood experiences.

4) There is no evidence that the majority of parents are doing a bad job. Why try to solve a non-existent problem?

5) There is no evidence that a training program would lead to better outcomes. It makes no sense to go ahead without incontrovertible substantiation.

6) It constitutes an invasion of family liberty and freedom. We have had enough of state-controlled totalitarian strictures, and enough the slaughter, chaos and suffering that inevitably follows, enough of doctrinaire prescriptivism, of whatever ilk, the "politically correct" mob, the religious mobs, and everyone else. Mother knows best.

I would love to see a revised version submitted.

[nafise]

Dear Zoltan,

your comments were really helpful. thank you indeed.
this is the revised version of my essay rying to apply your comments. I would be grateful to have your comments on this.

It is true that how to bring children up is vitally important. I completely agree with the idea that it ‎should be compulsory for parents to take some courses to become ready enough for this task. ‎‎(36)‎
‎
Parenting is a technique that requires awareness. People tend to spend years learning how to ‎compose a piece of music or draw an impressive painting. More importantly, rearing children ‎needs spending lots of time, taking part in a course the aim of which is to raise awareness on ‎how people can properly perform their roles as parents. For instance, at the end of the course, ‎individuals will notice how they should counteract an angry child or how they should behave if ‎their child is self-centered. (83)‎
‎
Also, in these classes, parents are provided with golden opportunities to share common ‎experiences. Many families have the same problems with their children while they suppose they ‎are alone. If parents knew about common problems, they might be encouraged to look for ‎solutions rather than getting frustrated with their children’s behavior. For example, these days ‎many children are addicted to computer games and parents struggle with this problem. Such ‎classes can help participants to form friendships and these can develop into sports teams made ‎of their children. As a result, children get involved in group activities such as football or volleyball ‎instead of playing video games all the time. (109)‎
‎
In conclusion, it is clear to me that there should be a requirement for taking care of children; that ‎is taking a preparatory course by parents whose purpose is to perform such task efficiently. (33)‎
‎
‎(264 words)‎

[Xian]

@Zoltan
Thanks a lot for the comments. They are very insightful and helps a lot especially in terms of how to make an argument. The conclusion does look awkward to me now. But in fact I was trying to write a partially agree essay, so maybe I should modify my opening paragraph and the conclusion instead?

[Linh Dang]

Can someone helps to give comments on my essay below? Thanks a lot :)
Question
Some people think that employers should not care about the way their employees dress, because what matters is the quality of their work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Essay
In the modern days, many people believe that there should not be any restrictions on the way employees wear to work. I support that idea as strict rules do not seem to be necessary; however, I believe there should still be some minimum restrictions to ensure working environment is conducive.

In my opinion, there are two main reasons why employers should not put much emphasis on employees’ outfits. First of all, wearing formal dresses or suits does not help to improve work results. In contrast, wearing comfortable clothes might help to improve creativity, thus increase performance. Technology companies such as Facebook, Goole do allow their employees including engineers to dress casually to work. For instance: shorts and sleeveless shirts are welcome there. The fact that those big companies are still doing very well proves that dress code does not have any negative impact on company’s performance. Secondly, being flexible on dress code also helps to improve companies’ culture. Since different people have different fashion senses, allowing employees to choose their own outfit styles is probably equivalent to embracing diversity and freedom of clothes. All in all, it seems employers should be more flexible on what employees are wearing.

On the other hand, I would argue that it is still recommended to have some basic rules for employee’s entire. For example, extravagant and revealing clothes should be prohibited to avoid distractions among employees as this might result in lower work productivity. Furthermore, for some occupations such as doctors, teachers where the presence of authority is required, working attire should be proper and presentable. Having minimum requirements will help to avoid unwanted consequences and convey certain amount of authority when required.

In conclusion, nowadays, it is not important as before for employers to be attentive to what their employees wear. However, a certain level of basic rules should still be implemented to guarantee a productive and conducive working environment.

[zoltan]

Xian

Yes, modify the opening and conclusion (and body if necessary) so that your argument hangs together. Must "present a clear position
throughout" to get Band 7,

[Gaya]

Linh Dang

1) "In the modern days" is comparatively little used (and perhaps unnecessary):

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=in+the+modern+days%2Cnowadays%2Cin+today%27s+world%2Cin+the+modern+world&year_start=1800&year_end=2000&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Cin%20the%20modern%20days%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cnowadays%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cin%20today%20%27s%20world%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cin%20the%20modern%20world%3B%2Cc0

2) "restrictions on the way what employees wear"

3) "Environment" is rarely used without an article (only in sentences such as "Environment is the key to child safety"):

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=*+working+environment&year_start=1800&year_end=2000&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t2%3B%2C%2A%20working%20environment%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Bthe%20working%20environment%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Ba%20working%20environment%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Btheir%20working%20environment%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Band%20working%20environment%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bhis%20working%20environment%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bsafe%20working%20environment%3B%2Cc0%3B%3BThe%20working%20environment%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bof%20working%20environment%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Boffensive%20working%20environment%3B%2Cc0%3B%3B%27s%20working%20environment%3B%2Cc0

4) "conducive.": conducive to what? -> appropriate/well-managed/free of distractions....

5) "to improve companies’ culture"-> to improve company culture
"on company’s performance" -> on company performance

6) "for employee’s entire. " -> for employee attire

7) "convey a certain amount of authority "

8) "In conclusion, nowadays, it is not important as before ": you have not really dealt with the way dress code requirements, rationale and effectiveness have changed over time, so this is a new idea. Do not introduce new ideas in the conclusion, which must only summarize and restate your argument.

[Gaya]

@nafise

Looks good: might I suggest you also plan a "completely disagree" essay for comparison with Simon's forthcoming model answer?

[Jamie]

I have wonder that do I have to write down task 1 and 2 with formal languages? or is it ok without formal words and use standard English?

[Sandi]

Jamie

For the General writing paper, British Council state that for Task 1, "you can write the letter in a personal, semi-formal or formal style." My interpretation here is that one needs to consider which is appropriate in the circumstances: for example, formal to the President, personal to your Mum. Again in the General writing paper: "you can use a fairly personal style."

For the Academic writing paper, British Council state that a "formal style" is required. IELTS.org say: "responses to both tasks must be in a formal style."

"Academic Writing Task 1 is a writing task which has a defined input and a largely predictable output. It is basically an information transfer task which relates narrowly to the factual content of an input diagram and not to speculated explanations that lie outside the given data" (ielts.org)

As such, it seems to be a quasi-academic task, and the language should be appropriately dry, factual, prosaic, un-emotive, rather than journalistic, or biased. There is a discussion on exactly what this means in the comments here:

http://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2018/06/ielts-vocabulary-when-do-we-use-soar-and-plummet.html#comments

http://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2018/06/ielts-writing-task-1-use-adverbs.html#comments

Apparently the same does not apply to Task 2: see Simon's comments here:

http://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2016/05/ielts-writing-task-2-ignore-the-word-academic.html

[Sandi]

@Jamie

The model answers provided by British Council provide a guide to the style expected. Note the phrase "I do believe" in Task 2, which would not be admissable in purely academic writing.

https://takeielts.britishcouncil.org/sites/default/files/2018-01/Writing_practice_test_1_IELTS_Academic_Model_Answers.pdf

[nafise]

Dear Gaya,

Thank you for your encouragement. Per your kind suggestion, below you can find my "completely disagree" planned essay. It will be nice to have your comments on this too.

It is true that how to bring children up is vitally important. Nevertheless, I completely disagree with the idea that it ‎should be compulsory for parents to take a parenting course. ‎‎(31)‎

In my opinion, making fathers and mothers take a preparatory course is difficult to enforce. I cannot imagine the police control families to ensure that they behave in a defined way with their children. Also, in my view, it is absurd to set punishments such as a prison sentence or fine to persuade people to attend such classes. Additionally, it might backfire if parents were punished in case they avoid taking part in such classes. In other words, they may withdraw applying the rules learnt just because they feel they are not free enough in preferring a training method. (99)

Also, there are other reasons why I disagree with obligatory parenting courses. People know intrinsically how they should play their roles as good parents. Even animals do their best to care for their children until they are grown up, let alone individuals. Also, there are different children with diverse mental and physical situations. We cannot expect all parents to apply only some limited rules to rear their children. For example, a disabled child needs to be behaved differently when he lags behind in his or her studies compared to a healthy one. (92)

In conclusion, I have to express my disagreement with the idea that fathers and mothers should have the obligation to participate in parenting courses to be good parents. (28)‎

‎ (251 words)

[nafise]

Dear Gaya,

Below is also my "partially agree" planned essay. Thank you in advance for your comments.

It is true that how to bring children up is vitally important. While I disagree with the idea that it ‎should be compulsory for parents to take a parenting course, I believe that attending such courses voluntarily can be beneficial. ‎‎(40)‎
‎
In my opinion, making fathers and mothers take a preparatory course would be very difficult to enforce. I cannot imagine the police control families to ensure that they behave in a defined way with their children. Also, in my view, it is absurd to set punishments such as a prison sentence or fine to persuade people to participate in such classes. Additionally, it might backfire if parents were punished in case they avoid taking part in such classes. In other words, they may resist applying the rules learnt just because they feel they are not free enough in selecting a training method. (102)
‎
However, I believe that it would be advantageous if parents could take such courses voluntarily. In these classes, parents are provided with golden opportunities to share common ‎experiences. If parents knew about common problems, they might be encouraged to look for ‎solutions rather than getting frustrated with their children’s behavior. For example, these days, ‎many children are addicted to computer games and parents struggle with this problem. Such ‎classes can help participants to form friendships and these can develop into sports teams made ‎of their children. As a result, children get involved in group activities such as football or volleyball ‎instead of playing video games all the time. (108)‎
‎
In conclusion, although I disagree with obliging parents to take a parenting course; it is clear to me that taking such courses voluntarily by parents whose purpose is to perform such task efficiently can be helpful. (36)‎

‎ (290 words)

[Gaya]

@nafise

1) Re linking adverbs:

Too many of your sentences start with a linking adverb.

British Council themselves advise:

"Don’t over-use linking words or phrases or use inappropriately – this could become confusing or irritating for the reader. Also don’t always use linking words at the beginning of sentences – show more variety"

https://takeielts.britishcouncil.org/sites/default/files/IELTS%20Writing-%20Coherence%20&%20Cohesion.pdf

They also mention "referencing" (specified in the marking schema) and "substitution".

see here:

http://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2012/07/ielts-writing-advice-cohesion.html

http://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2012/07/ielts-writing-task-2-from-ideas-to-paragraph.html

See also comments here:

http://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2018/01/ielts-writing-task-2-instead-of-firstly-secondly-finally.html

A comment from another student:
"REFERENCING AND SUBSTITUTION

What works for me, is having a good selection of semi-generic referencing phrases in stock. For example:
"Of the two, I prefer referencing. This technique/method/approach is more accurate ...".

Other useful referencing phrases:

This mindset/attitude/behavior ...

This argument/criticism/line of thinking ...

This item/product/line/service

For Task 1:
This group/segment/sector/category/cohort ..."

[Gaya]

@nafise

"a disabled child needs to be behaved treated differently "

Maybe re-balance the following:

"it is clear to me that taking such courses voluntarily by parents whose purpose is to perform such task efficiently can be helpful. " -> it is clear that it could be helpful for parents to voluntarily take ...

It is pretty much essential to get Band 7 in Task response and cohesion as vocabulary and grammar accuracy are often the areas which drag the score down.

[Armidat]

Owing to the high importance of child-rearing. considered as the main job in various societies, it is argued that parents ought to attend a training course preparing them for taking their responsibilities. I completely agree that taking such a course is essential for bringing up children appropriately.

One main reason for the necessity of parenthood training course could be the lack of experience and knowledge. In other words, no couple have any parenting experience and knowledge before having children themselves. It needs a great deal of effort to truely understand their new roles as mother and father. Such a course can prepare them with the least effort in terms of time as well as reduce their mistakes and mental pressure of taking their biggest responsibility ever. They can learn how to relate to their children in different occasssions; for instance, when they are crying and screaming to get what they want or when they pretend being sick to skip their classes.

In addition, this course can shed light on wrongly adopted notions of child-rearing which might have been passed to parents by their parents only. As a result, not only become they aware of past mistakes, but also they avoid applying them on their own child. No need to say that this practice can resolves the problem at its source avoid failures and losses.

However,the most crucial advantage of a parenting course is preparing couples for children of the technology era. It gives them insight towards the special needs of children who start playing with their tablets at the early age of two only. This is what most couples have no experience about. They will also be learning how to monitor and protect their children.

In sum, I believe attending a parent training course is of benifit of parents as well as the society.

[gioletta]

@Armidat

1) "Owing to the high importance of child-rearing. considered ....": should be a comma. I would suggest opening with a something more straightforward. I do not see that there is any requirement to restate and paraphrase the entire question. It is simply that using a phrase of more three words from the question is deemed copying. Just stating: "in my view preparatory courses for prospective parents are unnecessary" would be quite enough.

2) It might be more natural to use conditionals: "Such a course can (would, could) prepare them", "They can (would, could) learn".

"As a result, not only become they aware of past mistakes, .. " -> not only would they become more aware of ...,but also they would avoid....

"practice can resolves" -> .. would resolve

"They will also be learning" -> would

3) truely -> truly

[Armidat]

@ Gioletta

Many thanks for your comments. Would you please elaborate on "using a phrase of more three words from the question is deemed copying" especially with regard to my introduction.

My another mistake: "of benefit to" (not of)

Do you think I will get 7 for this essay?

And isn't my conclusion too short?

[gioletta]

@ Armidat

"Also, 4 or more words in a row copied directly from the questions are not counted"

See in comments by "Former Examiner" here:

http://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2011/05/students-questions-how-examiners-score-writing.html

Also: "do not copy whole sentences from the question – you will receive no marks for this"

https://takeielts.britishcouncil.org/prepare-test/test-day-advice/writing-test-advice

Your final sentence contains "the society": if you mean society in general, there should be no article; otherwise the reader is left wondering which particular society you are referring to, maybe the Royal Society of Aeronautical Engineers?

Band 7? I am not an examiner.

[gioletta]

@ Armidat

PS: I do not see that your conclusion is too short.

[gioletta]

@ Armidat

"There is no need to say that this practice could resolve the problem at its source and avoid failures and losses."

"insight towards into"

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=insight+*_ADP&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t2%3B%2Cinsight%20%2A_ADP%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Binsight%20into_ADP%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Binsight%20of_ADP%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Binsight%20that_ADP%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Binsight%20in_ADP%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Binsight%20on_ADP%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Binsight%20as_ADP%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Binsight%20about_ADP%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Binsight%20from_ADP%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Binsight%20for_ADP%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Binsight%20by_ADP%3B%2Cc0

"pretend being sick" -> pretend to be sick

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=pretend+being+sick%2C+pretend+to+be+sick&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Cpretend%20to%20be%20sick%3B%2Cc0

"One main reason" -> The main reason

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=one+main+reason%2C+the+main+reason&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Cone%20main%20reason%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cthe%20main%20reason%3B%2Cc0

Although public band descriptors are available, there are presumably private and confidential detailed marking schemes only available to examiners. My impression is that Band 7 often seems to be about achieving accuracy in grammar and vocabulary, and succeeding in Task 1. Quite how examiners add it all up is something of a mystery to me.

[hossein Amini]

undoubtedly, the main responsibility for all parents is that they should take care about their children. I strongly agree with the statement that parents are required to learn how to be good parents.
The existence of various types of dangers has caused children to be endangered. From psychological problems like depression caused by outside factors, also, the problems that may be existed because of technology such as The internet and Television problems , to the physical problems like diseases for instance the diseases caused by air pollution and contaminated water. It may be seemed unnecessary to learn with this reason that in the earlier time, parent did not learn but they did parental affair without problem. Needless to say that, children,s problems have been changed over the time. These days, the parents that possess the knowledge how to deal with children,s problems make a significant contribution to an increase in health level throughout society. Like for instance, a child who does not cooperate well with other children should be learnt how to solve this problem and parents are able to do that much more easier than others.
On the other hand, the parents that have learnt how to be good, are able to transfer their experiences to their children. This type of transferring could be viewed as some thing positive. Firstly, the children will be taught with the cases that have been experienced. Secondly and more importantly, the children can share their problematic subjects with their parents in other word their teachers whenever they would like.
As I mentioned above , learning about how to be good parents is vital in any society. The parents should schedule their plans in order to be well educated and the government should allocate sufficient budget to raise the awareness of parents about dangers of children.

[hossein Amini]

Undoubtedly, parenting techniques are difficult to do. Also it is clear that children are more subjected in dangerous issues. The parents that are taught to be good in parenting are able more to prevent and care existing problems.

[preet]

@sunita

can u tell me how could i write intro ?

[preet]

introduction of task 2

[Sandi]

http://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2012/11/ielts-writing-task-2-introduction-technique.html

[Sandi]

@ hossein Amini

"may be existed": exist is an intransitive verb, so can never be passive.

https://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/exist

"It may be seemed" : same applies.

" have been changed": similar issue

"should be learnt": similar issue

"will be taught" : similar issue

Paragraphing is unclear: leave a blank line between paragraphs.

The second sentence in the second paragraph seems to have multiple run-on issues. Needs to be divided into shorter sentences.

There are quite a number of issues with phraseology and prepositions throughout. For example:
"It may be seemed unnecessary to learn with this reason that in the earlier time, parent did not learn but they did parental affair without problem." -> Parent training courses would seem to be unnecessary as hitherto children have been successfully raised without them.

The root cause of the issues might be that you are thinking in your own language and translating into English. This rarely produces good, natural English.

Try looking at the following and steal real English phrases:

https://www.universalclass.com/i/course/learn-positive-parenting-techniques.htm

https://parentingandyou.co.uk/

[Onur B]

As we think to family structure, caring for children is too important for parents. Even additionally this idea is biggest goal for parents life. Generally children grow with classical method in the family but it would be better if parents improve to themselves in order to caring children.

If we look to the our parents, they growth us how they learn from their fathers and mothers or how they see from their social environmental. Usually it is classical children growing style. Generally mothers much more caring to children and fathers support to them when they need. If they have any trouble regarding the caring of children firstly they advise to their family or immediate environmental. They never think that they have any lacking point or handicap as a partner.

From this point of view, parents are not perfect, if they think that caring of children is so important than they gave to do something as improve themselves such as taking some course. Nowadays, lifestyle is changing continual especially after the globalization. Competition between children all over the World increase rapidly. Due to this effect children were should be grow carefully. The classical methods may not be sufficient. On the other hand parents usually approach to their children as emotional ordinarily. They are family member. Thus parents can not see their missing points. Fort hat reason they need to go some course due to better caring children. If they have not get any professional support they will not aware to their missing points in order to caring of children.

Ultimately, children are going to grow in any case at the all condition. But if parents want to better life conditions for their children, they have to good growth to them and they must start for it from themselves.