Last week, I asked you to try writing three sentences about a graph. The first sentence should have been very easy:
- In 2008, around 8 million children played football.
But several people made mistakes because they tried to make this sentence more complicated. Can you identify the mistakes below?
- Nearly 8 million children have participated in the football game in 2008.
- The number of children attending in football match were approximately 7.5 million in 2008.
- In 2008, nearly 8 million children had participated in the football game.
- The glance of the graph reveals that number of children who prefer football was approximately 7.6 millions.
- In 2008, football was by far the highest number of teenage participants, with over 8 million.
Tip: You need to be able to write a simple sentence that describes one number without making any mistakes! Work on this before you try anything more complicated.
1. In 2008, nearly 8 million children participated in the football game.
2. The number of children attending in football match was approximately 7.5 million in 2008.
3. In 2008, nearly 8 million children participated in the football game.
4. The graph shows that the number of children preferred football was nearly 7.6 million.
5. In 2008, over 8 million teenage participants preferred football, which was the highest number.
Posted by: Murad | November 29, 2018 at 11:44
Hi Simon,
1/ 3/ Nearly 8 million children participated in football in 2008.
2/ The number of children participating in football was approximately 7.5 million in 2008.
4/ The number of children who preferred football was approximately 7.6 million.
5/ In 2008, football was the highest number of young participants with over 8 million.
I try to identify this mistakes. Thanks.
Posted by: arch1001face | November 29, 2018 at 17:18
arch1001face
https://www.google.com/search?tbo=p&tbm=bks&q=%22football+had+the+highest%22&num=10
Posted by: zsófi | November 29, 2018 at 20:02
1. Have participated —> participated
2. Were —> was
3. Had participated —> participated
4. The glance of the graph reveals —> the graph shows
5. Football was..... participants—> the number of teenage participants in football was the highest.
Posted by: Duy Bao | November 30, 2018 at 00:28
There were nearly 8 million children played football in 2008.
The number of children who attended a football match was approximately 7.5 million in 2008.
In 2008, nearly 8 million children participated in football games.
The graph shows that the number of children who love football was approximately 7.6 millions.
In 2008, football was the most popular sports for teenagers, with over 8 million.
Posted by: Miyako | November 30, 2018 at 01:49
zsófi
thanks
Posted by: arch1001face | November 30, 2018 at 01:59
Nearly 8 million children have participated in the football game in 2008.
This was my answer for question 1. I suppose there is no further mistake than "Have". is it a big mistake?
Posted by: Akter | November 30, 2018 at 08:28
Akter
Oleg provided a detailed review of your original answers further down the page here:
https://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2018/11/ielts-writing-task-1-back-to-basics.html#comments
Posted by: zsófi | November 30, 2018 at 09:15
1/3. In 2008, nearly 8 million children participated in the football game.
2. The number of children attending football match was approximately 7.5 million in 2008.
4. The glance of the graph reveals that the number of children who prefer football was nearly 7.6 million.
5.In 2008, football had the highest number of teenage participants by far, with over 8 million.
Posted by: cristina | December 02, 2018 at 12:34
1) The phrase "played football" is far more common than "participated in football", which only crops up thirteen times on Google books. "Participation in football" crops up 43 times, and "participated in the football game" not at all.
-> The most popular of the three sports was football, with participation reaching around eight million children.
Compare UK govt report: "In 2015/16, the most popular sport undertaken by children aged 11-15 years old was football (including five-a-side) with over half of children (53.6 per cent) aged 11-15 years old participating in this sport in the four weeks prior to their interview."
2) "The number of children attending football matches" (NB plural): "attending" would refer to spectators, not players.
5) Teenagers are children, but not all children are teenagers: therefore the label is misleading.
Posted by: Mojo | December 02, 2018 at 15:06
Re 1) "nearly 8 million children participated in the football game."
How did they get so many people on the pitch at once?
("the football game" implies one particular football match.)
Posted by: Mojo | December 03, 2018 at 23:36
FROM SIMON:
Here are the problems in each sentence:
1) "have participate" is the wrong tense - just use past simple. Also, it's wrong to write "the" game. The word "the" implies a particular football game, but the sentence is about playing football in general.
2) "attending IN" is wrong. Also, "the number... WERE" is wrong.
3) "had participated in the" is wrong. Wrong tense and wrong use of "the".
4) "The glance of" is wrong - don't use "glance"! Also, "millionS" is wrong. We say "7.6 million" not "7.6 millions".
5) "football WAS the highest number" is wrong. This implies that football is a number.
.....
I would replace all of these sentences with this simple version:
"In 2008, around 8 million children played football."
Posted by: Simon | December 11, 2018 at 13:49
I'm very bad at writing, I just try to work on it so I'd be thankful to receive advice or better writing suggestions, here is my answer:
1. we should not use "in 2008" associated with the present perfect, I'd change to "since 2008".
2. the verb following "the number" should be in singular form.
3. the past perfect describes an action in a period not a moment, therefore I think the preposition is "by" 2008.
4. I'm not sure, it might lack of an article which is put before the word "number".
5. "in 2008" and "by far" should not be used in the same sentence.
Simon, thank you so much for giving us an interesting question!
Posted by: Tom | December 31, 2018 at 23:19