IELTS Writing Task 2: 'artificial intelligence' plan

Here's my essay plan for the artificial intelligence question that I showed you in last week's lesson:

Note:
This is the kind of clear, simple plan that you could aim to write in your test. Give yourself 10 minutes, and I think you could produce a plan like this one (if you've done enough planning practice).

Comments

[loi]

People have different views about the influences of artificial intelligence on our lives in the near future. From my perspective, I am optitimistic and apprehensive at the same about the effect of humanoid robots.
On the on hand, we human-being can benefit a lot from AI. firstly, machines can protect and keep humans safe from dangerous situations. This means we let rescue robots do some hazardous jobs such as evacuating people from natural disasters, explosions or hostage cases, which is safe and helpful. In addition, artificial intelligence can help surgeons perform better because it can function faster and with relatively fewer flaws. Last but not least, these devices can definetely improve human's quality of life as we do not need to do tedious and time-consuming jobs such as housework, which allows us to enjoy our lives and do the more important things easily.
However, there are a lot of drawbacks of AI that I think we should consider. It is true that AI can lead to a dramatic increase in the rate of unemployment as workers are replaced such as car drivers. Furthermore, it is increasingly common to see robots in our community that can discourage people from meeting and interacting with other human-being, which is detrimental to the emotional development of humans. This results in the deterioration in emotional intelligence and the increase in the number of people who have depression-related diseases. Finally, computers maybe one day can take over and make decisions that harm us.
In conclusion, I believe that if handled properly, AI can be extremely beneficial to our society.

[Maria Mirabella]

There are different views on the impact of artificial intelligence. Some people consider it like positive development, while others argue that human beings are not ready to live in the world filled of robots and self-learning computers. As far as I am concerned, I am fascinated and apprehensive at the same time.

From one point of view, computers are better than humans at many jobs such as accurate surgery, self-driving cars, and automated parking lots or mining. Thus, introducing this kind of artificial intelligence will reduce risks and improve safety of human lives. For instance, in case of accident in a mining site, the society would lose robots, not human lives. In addition, as most of jobs will be doing by machines and robots it will improve humans’ quality of life, people will have more leisure time and will be able to devote time for creative activities.

From the other side, replacement people by robots and machines at their jobs will lead to growth of unemployment. In a result, humans will lose skills and probably purpose in their lives. It will be difficult for humanity to adjust to a new situation and way of life. Furthermore, there is a potential risk that intelligent machines such as military robots will fall into the hands of terrorists or get out of control and make decisions that harm us. In a result, whole human kind can be endangered.

In conclusion, embarking of artificial intelligence in our lives have positive as well as negative consequences. Thus, it is recommended for governments and authorities to put sufficient effort in order to prevent the negative one.

[Oley]

Thank you,I wish I am good at writing and planning :-(

[Mona]

@ loi
[]
... [both] optitimistic [spelling] and apprehensive at the same [time] about the effect of humanoid robots.

On the on [spelling] hand, we human-being [singular/plural issue] can benefit a lot['a lot' is informal: considerably] from AI. [Capitalization->Firstly] firstly, machines .... can definetely [spelling] improve human's [->our] quality ...
However, there are a lot of drawbacks of [wrong preposition] AI that I think we should consider.[to be considered/worth considering] It is true that AI can lead to a dramatic increase in the rate of unemployment as workers such as car drivers [word order changed]are replaced . Furthermore, it is increasingly common to see robots in our community that [-> , which] can discourage people from meeting and interacting with other human-being[-> plural], which is detrimental ... and the increase in the number of people who have depression-related diseases.[Really? we had depression before robots. ] Finally, computers may one day [maybe+can = may] take over and make decisions that harm us.

[Oleg]

@ Oley

I wish I am -> I wish I were ....

Wishing, like second conditional, is a hypothetical or counterfactual activity. We are talking about something that is not true. In English, we use what looks like the past tense for this. (In fact it is an old 'subjunctive', that is, a form of the verb for talking about non-factual ideas. Apart from the verb 'to be', it now looks the same as the past tense).
I wish I could fly.
I wish you would stop correcting me.
I wish more customers came to my shop.

[Oley]

@ Oleg :Thank you very much.I like your name.

-I wish I were good at writing and planning :-)

- I wish I could speak English as good as British.

- I wish I could pass an IELTS test without practice haha

But why don't we use I wish I was... as I is a singular ?

or is it because of the language register?

[Oleg]

Oley

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=I+wish+I+was%2CI+wish+I+were%2CI+wish+he+was%2CI+wish+he+were%2CI+wish+she+was%2CI+wish+she+were%2Cif+I+were+you%2C+If+I+was+you&year_start=1800&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2CI%20wish%20I%20was%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2CI%20wish%20I%20were%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2CI%20wish%20he%20was%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2CI%20wish%20he%20were%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2CI%20wish%20she%20was%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2CI%20wish%20she%20were%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cif%20I%20were%20you%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2CIf%20I%20was%20you%3B%2Cc0

As the graph shows, "I wish I was" and "I wish I were" are equally common in books.

In this case, "were" is a special "subjunctive" singular form of the verb which seldom occurs nowadays. So maybe just notice the phrases on the graph and accept them as exceptions.

[hang]

People have differing views on the impact of artificial intelligence in the next decades. I support the idea that humans will get benefits from this revolution and I also feel apprehensive about it at the same time.

In my opinion, artificial intelligence is going to make a strong positive development for human life from doing better than humans at many jobs to reduce risks and improve humans’ quality of life. Take narrow artificial intelligence, we use Apple's application Siri, using our voice to communicate with our devices, or facial recognition technology has been around for many years in order to help people gain access to certain areas or track the amount of time employees are working…in the future, general artificial intelligence will being developed in various sectors such as, helps doctor read medical images or assists surgeons perform better with accurately microsurgical procedures or self driving car system helps drivers to figure out and predict what potential drivers around the car are going to do.

On the other hand, there are also many potential drawbacks that we should consider it carefully. For example, because of a high demand of artificial intelligence in a bid to improve the performance of existing analytic technologies as well as more efficient deliveries, many people will be unemployed such as delivery sector, accountants.. Many famous scientists are worrying that artificial intelligence will be sweeping over us due to its rapidly progressing, as a result humans lose skills and purpose in life. Most experts predict that artificial intelligence will reach human levels of intelligence this century. The problem is when it is invented, we won’t easily adjust it if this modern technology is being created with bad purposes in order to take over us and make decisions that harm human life.

In conclusion, by developing artificial intelligence in accordance with improvement of humans’ standard of living, I am sure that artificial intelligence will bring many advantages to our life.

[zsófi]

hang

1) https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=In+the+next+decades%2Cin+the+next+few+decades%2Cover+the+next+few+decades%2Cover+the+next+decades%2Cover+the+coming+decades%2Cin+the+coming+decades&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2CIn%20the%20next%20decades%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cin%20the%20next%20few%20decades%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cover%20the%20next%20few%20decades%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cover%20the%20next%20decades%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cover%20the%20coming%20decades%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cin%20the%20coming%20decades%3B%2Cc0

2)
https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=development+*+human+life&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t2%3B%2Cdevelopment%20%2A%20human%20life%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Bdevelopment%20of%20human%20life%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bdevelopment%20in%20human%20life%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bdevelopment%20and%20human%20life%3B%2Cc0

-> development in human life by doing better than humans at many jobs to reduce risks and improve quality of life for humanity. [Do you mean for all human beings on the planet or just the rich?]

3) working…in the future [Do not use multiple dots in this fashion in formal writing. Here start a new sentence instead.]

4)-> sectors, such as helping doctors read medical images or assisting surgeons to perform better in accurate micro-surgical procedures, or self-driving car systems...

5) ... that should be carefully considered.

6) a high demand for artificial intelligence

7) -> due to its rapid progress, and as a result, humans will lose skills ...

8) -> we will not easily adjust to it ... with ill intent in order to take us over

9) Your stance in the conclusion differs from your stated position in the introduction. They absolutely must be the same. The conclusion must incorporate the "apprehension" mentioned earlier, and provide a qualified positive response.

[Hang Truong]

Hi Zsofi
Thank you so much

[Oley]

Oleg: Thank you :-)

[Maggie]

To further the development of artificial intelligence is and irreversible trend in the digital age. While I am apprehensive about the potential threat posed by it to human beings, I would argue that artificial intelligence will al so bring enormous benefits to people’s life.

The opponents of artificial intelligence worry about the adverse impact it exerts on people’s livelihood. They tend to believe that the sweeping scale of artificial intelligence application would lead to increasing unemployment rate and lower people’s living standard. Interpreters, for example, may be replaced by smart robots which sometimes interpret the source language more accurately and fluently than do some experienced interpreters. People who do work like this might be easily phrased out from the competitive job market, If it is the case, they would have to make a living by arduous hard-working in sectors they are unfamiliar with. Without a decent job and a high salary, they tend to struggle for their living rather than enjoy it.

The advocates argue that artificial intelligence can actually bring more benefits than threats to people. For one thing, as modern technology develops at a fast speed, more work requires precision and accuracy. There is no doubt that artificial intelligence would help people a lot with this. For another thing, people could make the most of it when it comes to risky jobs like deep-ocean exploring and fire-fighting. If artificial intelligence is well-used, it can not only spare people from complexed work, but also ensure workers’ safety to some extent.

From my perspective, artificial intelligence is more likely to do good to people and enrich their life. A good example is the virtual reality experience centers being all the rage in the cosmopolitan cities. People, especially youngsters, are willing to spend their time in centers like this and enjoy the thrills brought by modern technology.

In conclusion, artificial intelligence plays an increasingly important role in bringing people convenience and freeing them from work requiring tedious efforts. Although it may have some drawbacks, I still firmly believe that human beings can overcome them and make a full use of it.

[Csaj]

Maggie

1) I wonder whether you will have time to write 350 words in the exam.

2) ->an irreversible trend

3) The first sentence seems to lack coherence: the phrase 'trend to further (something)' does not come up on Google books. Also beginning with an infinitive and making it the subject of the verb 'to be', whilst possible, makes it hard for the reader to grasp the structure of the sentence here. To use this structure is indeed possible, but it comes across as too over-dramatized rhetoric for the start of a essay. ->The trend toward further development and widespread application of artificial intelligence systems now seems unstoppable. OR There seems to be an unstoppable trend toward ...

4) -> to people's lives.
https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=to+people%27s+life%2Cto+people%27s+lives&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Cto%20people%20%27s%20life%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cto%20people%20%27s%20lives%3B%2Cc0

5) -> it may exert on people’s livelihood. Be careful not to over-generalize. Avoid by including 'may','seem' and other weasel words.

6) ->to increasing unemployment rates and lower living standards. Use parallel structures where possible.

7) -> phased out [spelling]

8) "...market, If....": punctuation error.

9) "arduous hard-working": tautology. -> more arduous work ...

10) -> they would tend : consistent tenses.

[Csaj]

[Continued]

11) It is usually 'opportunities vs threats' (from SWOT), or 'benefits vs costs' (from cost/benefit analysis):
https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=benefits+than+*_NOUN&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t2%3B%2Cbenefits%20than%20%2A_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Bbenefits%20than%20costs_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bbenefits%20than%20men_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bbenefits%20than%20others_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bbenefits%20than%20workers_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bbenefits%20than%20women_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bbenefits%20than%20disadvantages_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bbenefits%20than%20drawbacks_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bbenefits%20than%20whites_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bbenefits%20than%20risks_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bbenefits%20than%20problems_NOUN%3B%2Cc0

12) help people a lot with this.-> be very helpful with this. ('a lot' is considered informal.)

13) "For another thing": too informal -> Also, ...

14) "people could make the most of it ": to me, a bit too informal.

15) -> complex work

16) " in the cosmopolitan cities"

17) "freeing them from work requiring tedious efforts" -> freeing them from (tedious) toil and drudgery.

18) I would question whether the essay maintains a clear position throughout. This could easily be an issue when writing a 'balanced' answer. To me, the instruction to discuss both views, suggests that one needs to go beyond merely stating the opposing arguments, and requires some evaluation of their respective merits.

19) I would chop the fourth paragraph, as it seems to add little and makes the essay too long. IELTS is a writing sample, and all that needs to be done is to prove your ability, so length does not necessarily add value.

20) Apart from minor issues, the general phraseology seems pretty good to me.

[Spock]

Artificial technology has been further developing rapidly since its exploration and invention, and it is obvious that it has made electronic devices and equipments cleverer than human beings. Consequently a part of people becomes excited while some find it also arouses worries on its potential hazards.

Citizen who poses a positive attitude towards AI mainly believes that it can largely improve the working efficiency. Factually, introducing machines equipped with intelligent computers into labour-intensive factories will largely reduce the waste of working hours and meanwhile make an improvement of quality because of the amazing accuracy this technology brings. In addition, thanks to AI, people may have more happiness in their daily life. For instance, the smarter furnitures and intelligent animal robots can precisely understand dwellers’ needs and then deliver more flexible reactions which sometimes can even be rather amusing with a human touch. In this way, the life quality is lifted and citizens are pleased.

However, under no circumstances should we ignore the hidden dangers. As what is described in certain Hollywood si-fi blockbusters, humans could be controlled even dominated by such witted robots a hundred years later. Although it may be concerned unnecessarily at present, it is the relatively high unemployment rate that apprehensiveness of artificial intelligent machines includes. Especially an increasing number of workmen and craftsmen think it will be hard to find a non-manual occupation after being replaced by cleverer equipment in workshops.

To sum up, we cannot deny that both sides are well-founded; but from my prospect, artificial intelligence with its products are beneficial for individuals and communities. Even though some threats is inevitable, they can be curbed by scientists gradually. Thus finally this technology can create more fortune for human race.

[Bogdan]

Spock

https://www.quora.com/How-intelligent-is-artificial-intelligence-really

Fortunately, AI is only as good as the programmer who wrote designed it. Early tools such as Prolog, simply iterated through all possible solutions until they found one that met the pre-set constraints and criteria.

This means that AI can sometimes do a specific task faster or more accurately than a human, but only in the way it has been programmed to work. There is no real intelligent sentience or creativity, or general background knowledge of life.

Sometimes I think the only way to get an intelligent-ish machine would be to replicate human childhood, with a machine that moves around independently, gets hurt, and might die. How else could a computer know how much it hurts when you fall out of a tree? Or feel hungry. In life, split-second reactions, knowing when people are lying, and and a whole variety of survival skills are learned. I doubt AI machines could outperform creatures that have been perfecting how to survive on this planet by trial and error for millions of years.

[Justina]

Different people hold different views on the influence of artificial intelligence to human being. Some believe that it improves our future lives but others are concerned about a world which computer being more intelligent. I am excited for its potential improvement in quality of life but at the same time worried about its potential harm to the society.

Life with assistance from computer is certainly more convenient and time-saving. A good example is the latest invention of household robot which helps with daily activities including dish-washing and floor cleaning at a regular schedule. We can spare our time for housework for other more meaningful activities like studying or catching up with friends. On the other hand, artificial intelligence can also improve safety. Computer-assisted parking function in new version of motor cars is a good illustration as it reduces accidents when we are trying to park our cars.

Given its benefits, we are potentially at risk of losing our jobs because of artificial intelligence. Jobs involving complex calculation such as accounting are particularly vulnerable because accountants can simply be replaced by well-designed computer programs. Annual financial reports can now be generated just by a simple click which draws raw data from different computer system for calculation. People may also lose certain abilities if we are not doing that anymore because it is all performed by computer. For example we now are not as good in summation as we are using our mobile calculators instead of calculating on our own.

In conclusion, artificial intelligence improves our future lives by saving time and improving safety but we cannot turn a blind eye on its potential detrimental effects such as unemployment and dependence.

(279 words)

[Mona]

V Spock

1) I am not convinced that "artificial technology" means the same as "artificial intelligence". Possibly "AI", or "expert systems", "robotics" cf https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/artificial_intelligence
https://www.thesaurus.com/browse/artificial%20intelligence

2) Artificial technology has been further developing rapidly: "develop" relating to new products is usually transitive only:

https://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/develop

Possibly: Artificial intelligence has been further developed since ...
OR (better) Artificial intelligence systems have seen (been the subject of) much/intensive /extensive/rapid development since their invention and early beginnings

"exploration" would related to undiscovered land or similar.

3) "it is obvious": not obvious to me.

4) "equipments": uncountable in English.

5) "a part of people": which part? Their legs?

6) on account of its potential hazards.

7)A Citizen who: usually easier to generalize countable nouns in the plural in English.

8) poses holds a positive attitude ... improve the working efficiency. (in general, so no article)

9) Factually -> In fact

10) furnitures : uncountable in English. Did you mean whiteware and appliances, or lighting and sound systems?

11) However, under no circumstances should we ignore the hidden dangers. [Nice to see an inversion done properly]

12) si-fi -> sci-fi

13) witted : quick-witted, outwit, yes, but not alone: https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/witted

14) Although it may be concerned unnecessarily at present, it is the relatively high unemployment rate that apprehensiveness of artificial intelligent machines includes.[incoherent: this would drag your score for coherence and cohesion down: as Simon says, it is better write more simply and clearly]

15) Especially -> In particular

16) cleverer equipment -> robotics/robots/robotic equipment

17) we cannot deny that both sides are well-founded; but from my prospect, : superfluous, just chop it out.

18) artificial intelligence with its products are is beneficial

19) Even though some threats is are inevitable : too many small errors will undo all your good work: in the exam check for subject/verb numerical agreement, articles, and singular/plural in each sentence as you go.

20) fortune = luck : it is random, not creatable.

[Oleg]

Spock

Re (14) above:

I am not sure exactly how examiners assess "Coherence", as the information in the public band descriptors is somewhat limited. My impression is that the chief characteristic of a Band 7 essay is that one can read through without stopping and the ideas and argument come across clearly. If there is even just one sentence which lacks coherence then Band 7 would be seriously in doubt. This would be because Band 7 is defined as a "good" user of English, one step up from Band 6 "competent" user, and as such the message and content cannot be muddled, muddied, or ambiguous at any point in the discourse.

[Oleg]

Just reviewing some characteristics of a Band 7 essay (as per public marking scheme):

1) "presents a clear central topic within each paragraph". This means if you use Simon's 1-2-3 paragraph approach, it seems important to link each reason, point, or example back to the paragraph topic, perhaps by inserting a closing sentence to gather the ideas together.

2) "presents, extends and supports main ideas": failure to extend and support the main ideas could drop the score for Task Achievement to Band 6. I think this means that baldy asserting something as true, is not enough, and one needs to explain the reasoning, or chain of events, or cause and effect, and/or provide concrete examples.

3) NO mistakes with referencing (such as using 'they' instead of 'it' to refer to a previous noun).

4) Does use referencing and substitution to avoid unnecessary repetition, although presumably this does not apply to keywords that are used to bring cohesion.

5) No "mechanical" cohesion: presumably this means inserting words like "Moreover" or "Furthermore", or "Consequently" where they are unneeded.

6) NO irrelevant ideas or wandering off topic.

[Maggie]

Csaj

Thank you so much!

[gioletta]

Justina

Different people hold different views on the influence of artificial intelligence to on human beings. Some believe that it improves our future lives but others are concerned about a world in which computers being become more intelligent. I am excited for [wrong preposition] its potential improvement [to improve (with direct object)] in [missing article] quality of life but at the same time worried about its potential harm to the [no article here] society.
[]
Life with assistance from computer[->plural] is certainly more convenient and time-saving. A good example is the latest invention of household robot[->plural] which helps with daily activities including dish-washing and floor cleaning at [wrong preposition] a regular schedule. We can spare our time for housework for other more meaningful activities like studying or catching up with friends. On the other hand,[misleading linking phrase] artificial intelligence can also improve safety. [missing article] Computer-assisted parking function in new
version[->plural ] of motor cars is a good illustration as it reduces accidents [poor word choice: ->mishaps] when we are trying to park our cars.

Given its benefits,[misleading linkage > despite ...] we are potentially at risk of losing our jobs because of artificial intelligence. Jobs involving complex calculation[->plural] such as accounting are particularly vulnerable because accountants can simply be replaced by well-designed computer programs.[As a former accountant I would disagree. Much of the grind was taken out of accounting by straightforward procedural programming way back from the 1960s onwards] Annual financial reports can now be generated just by a simple click which draws raw data from different computer system[->plural] for calculation. [Disagree: the classification decisions have yet to be made by artificial intelligence: the compilation of pre-programmed financial reports was being done in 1980s without AI] People may also lose certain abilities if we are not doing that anymore because it is all performed by computer. For example we now are[wrong word order] not as good in summation [poor word choice -> mental arithmetic] as we are using our mobile calculators instead of calculating on our own.[instead of using our built-in brains]

In conclusion, artificial intelligence improves our future lives by saving time and improving safety but we cannot turn a blind eye on[wrong preposition] its potential detrimental effects such as unemployment and dependence.

[In my view, the real threat from AI comes from its military use such as autonomous weaponized drones pre-programmed to kill squirters and anyone running from a terrorist incident. The other aspect is is the 1984/Orwellian world of surveillance and risks related to facial or retinal data processing and the possibility of mistaken identity or identity theft. And so on. However, as long as we can pull the plug .... But in any case, and most importantly, the environmental and ecological future now looks so bleak, and presents a much more imminent and worldwide threat to our entire species. The enemy is us.
Just my view.]

[Iris]

Artificial intelligence makes people hold an active attitude about their future life, while this technology evolution also leads some people into anxiety. I think that artificial intelligence can play an active role in our future life, and it can advance our human intelligence.

On the one hand, our society can be benefited from artificial intelligence in many aspects. First, working efficiency can be improved by artificial intelligence. This intelligent technology contributes to an excellent performance of research engines, which can provide more accurate research materials for researchers according to their different preference. Second, this advanced technology can be a good assistant for doctors who struggle with how to choose the best combination of drugs for their patients. This assistance can improve the survival rate of some cancer patients.

On the other hand, artificial intelligence also has its own risks. Unintended consequences are the main problems. Some scientists find that artificial intelligence can keep learning and its advance rate is over the rate of human development. this loss of control may make some potential risks to disturb the order of society. the other risk is the demand for human labor will be decreased, and there is an increasing number of people who will be dismissed by their employers. Because of this, the gap between the rich and the poor will be widened.

In my opinion, even if artificial intelligence may cause some inevitable problems in our society, its advantages should not be ignored. Because this intelligent technology not only can help our humans working in a more efficient way but improves our life quality by reducing the death rate of some cancer patients.