IELTS Writing Task 1: more sentence practice

Let's try another exercise to practise writing sentences. Can you describe the figures that I've highlighted on the table below?

Note: I'm asking you to write three easy sentences. Please don't try to show off; just describe the information as clearly as you can.

1. For the first sentence, you're just describing one number.
2. The second sentence will compare three numbers in one year.
3. The third sentence should describe a change.

Comments

[Mehdi]

1- in 2006, just 17 percent of mobile owners tends to play games.
2- in 2010, search the internet by mobile owners were more popular compare to play games and play music in 73, 41 and 26 percent respectively.
3-the tendency to use mobile phone as a video recorder rose fourfold from 2008 to 2010 between 9 to 35 percent.

[paul]

In 2006, 17% of users played games using mobile phone.

In 2010, 71% of subscribers using mobile to search the internet while the figure for playing music only accounted for 26%. the number stood at 41% for users to play games.

A significant increase can be seen in users using mobile phone to take videos from 2008 to 2010. The percentage of users were 9% and 35 % respectively.

[namnguyen]

1. 17% of owners using mobile phones referred to play games in 2006.
2. In 2010, There were 41% of users playing games, 73% searching the Internet and 26% playing music on their own mobile phones.
3. The proportions of people owninf mobile phones for recording videos rose dramatically by 26% from 2008 t0 2010.

[Pachu]

The percentage of mobile phone owners who used mobile features of play games was 17 % in 2006.
In 2010, figures of mobile phone owners who used the features of play games , search the internet and play music were 41 %,73 % and 26 % respectively.
The proportion of mobile phone owners using the feature of record video increased from 9 % to 35 % over the period of two years %.
OR The proportion of mobile phone owners using the feature of record video increased from 9 % in 2008 to 35 % in 2010, with the rise of 24 % users since 2008.

[lisa]

As the diagram shows, 17% of people used mobile to play games in 2006; four years later, who spent his time playing was 41%, almost double of who used their phone to play music and almost half who used it to go to the internet (26% and 73% respectively).
The portion of mobile owners using the features of recording video has rosed between 2008 and 2010 from 9& to 35%.

[PT]

There was 17% of owners playing games on mobile phone in 2006.
In 2010, the figure for searching the Internet was more than those for playing games and music combined.
The amount of people using their mobile phones for recording video increased by almost 4 times between 2008 and 2010, from 9% to 35%.

[pj]

1. In 2006, 17% of mobile phone owners used their devices to play games.
2. In 2010, searching the internet was one of the main features used by portable device owners, accounting for 73%, followed by playing games and music at 41% and 26% respectively.
3. The number of mobile phone owners using the feature of recording video significantly increased from 9% in 2008 to 35% in 2010.

[Hakan]

Hi simon ı wrote firstly in my life like these sentences

1- people's rate who play games is %17 in 2006

2- in 2010, people's percent who search the internet is more than people who play music and people who record video

3- percentage of people recording video increased from %9 to %35 in between 2008 to 2010 years

[yi]

1， In 2006, around 17% of mobile phone owners use mobile phone to play games.
2， As the least-used feature, playing music is used by 26% people, while playing games and searching the internet are used by 41% and 73% mobile phone owner respectively in 2010.
OR
In 2010, 73% people use mobile phone to search the internet, twice as much as the people use it to play games(41%), almost triple the proportion of people use it to play music(26%).
3， Between 2008 and 2010, a significant increase can be observed from the figure of people using mobile phone as a tool to record video, from 9% to 35%.

[Beyonce]

Mehdi

Sentences must begin with a captialized letter.

1) "Tend to" means something happens often and is likely to happen again. The table is based on whether an owner actually uses a feature or not; how often one particular owner uses it is not given.

2) -> ...searching the internet was more popular compared to playing games and playing musicing with percentages of 73, 41 and 26 respectively.

3)Again it is not a tendency here: incidence would be a better word choice. Between 2008 and 2010, the incidence of owners using their mobile phone as a video recorder rose fourfold, from 9 to 35 percent.

[Beyonce]

Re 2)

@ Paul, namnguyen, Pachu
The numbers are just listed, not compared.

@ Hakan, PT
The detailed figures are missing.

@ pj
I think "followed by" does not constitute sufficient comparison.

@ yi
Only the second version includes comparisons.

In 2010, the proportion of owners using their mobile phone to search the internet was 73%, nearly twice as much as those using it to play games (41%), and almost triple the proportion using it to play music (26%).

[Beyonce]

RE 3)

@Paul/yi and others:
It is often worthwhile doing a little simple math. 9% to 35% is almost a fourfold increase.

@namnguyen:
"dramatically" is too journalistic, over-interpretative, and unobjective a word for Task 1. -> steeply/sharply/ nearly fourfold

"by 26%": not enough on its own, need to include actual results too.

@Pachu/Lisa:
Some comparison is required, not just listing the numbers. For example:
Between 2008 and 2010, the proportion of mobile owners using the recording video feature rose almost fourfold, from 9% to 35%.

[Note moving the years to the front of the sentence often helps style, readability, and comprehension.]

@Lisa: rise/rose/risen
"rosed" would come from a verb "to rose" of uncertain meaning, possibly something to do with roses the flowers.

@Hakan:
Use "per cent" after the percentage number. -> 35 per cent.

[Miyako]

1) In 2006, 17% of people used mobile phone to play games.

2) In 2010, 73% of mobile phone users searched the internet, while only 26% and 41% spent time on playing music and games respectively.

3) In 2008, 9% of people recorded video via mobile phone, while there was a dramatical rise of the usage of this feature in 2010, with 35%.

[Khe]

Miyako

"Dramatical" occurs barely a fifteen or so times on Google books over the last five hundred years. It is be used to refer to writing plays.

https://www.google.com/search?q=%22dramatical%22&tbas=0&tbm=bks&ei=Y9wJXIzoBpGLmgXdzZIQ&start=30&sa=N&ved=0ahUKEwjMpd2414zfAhWRhaYKHd2mBAI4FBDw0wMIeQ&biw=1250&bih=958&dpr=1

I suggest you avoid the word entirely in IELTS.

"dramatic" is the usual word:

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=dramatic%2Cdramatical&year_start=1500&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Cdramatic%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cdramatical%3B%2Cc0

[Claire]

1、17% of telephone users played games on their gadgets in 2006.

2、In 2010, the figure for mobile owners who surf online was 73%, almost twice the percentage of playing games(41%) and three times the percentage of playing music(26%).

3、The biggest increase stood at the percentage of recording video by 26% from 2008 to 2010.

[Claire]

Hi,Simon:
I have a question. whether it's better to use comparative degree in second sentence or use sentence structure like" ,while "to describe the figures ?

[Hoàng Nguyễn]

1. It was witnessed by 17% users played games on their cellphone in 2006.
2. Searching the Internet had 73% of those used mobile phone in 2010, whereas there were the lower records of playing games and music, by 41% and 26% respectively.
3. Users seem to prefer recording videos, by 35% in 2010, to 9% of those in 2008.

[Pearl]

1)In 2006, 17% of people played games on their phones.
2) Searching the Internet was one of the most popular features in the year 2010 with 73% whereas only 41% and 26% of mobile phones users played games and listened to music respectively.
3) The figure for recording video significantly increased from 9% in 2008 to 35% in 2010.

[Akter]

1.17% mobile users used to play games in 2006.

2. In 2010, 73% of mobile phone owners searched the internet for various purposes, the percentage was more than two times compared to those who listened to music. Besides, 41% of total users played games.

3. The percentage of the video recorders substantially increased from 9% to 35% in 2010.

[Shaza]

1. In 2006, 17% of phone owners played games with their phone.
2. Other than based mobile phone function, 41% of people installed games, 73 % accessed the internet function and 26% of the owners played music with their devices in the year of 2010.

3. Between 2008 and 2010, the feature of recording video was increasingly popular among mobile phone users, the figure was only 9% in 2008 and it rose to 35% by 2010.

[Katerina]

1)The number of people playing video games was only 17 % in the 2006.
2)It increased drastically to 41% by 2010 which is more than 26% in the music category but still less than 76% in the search the internet category.
3. Between 2008 and 2010 the number of people using a mobile phone to record video shows a rapid growth from 9% to 35%.

[Mehdi]

Beyonce
Thanks for your valuable comments.

[Lisa]

Thank you Simon!

[pato]

1. In 2006, merely 17% of smart phone owners preferred playing games on mobile phone.
2. Serch the internet's popularity with users at 73% In 2010. In the same year, it was enough to cover the sum of playing games and listening musics proportion at 41% and 26% respectively.
3. As for, recording video,there was a spectacular increase in 2010 at 35% nearly up to four times according to popularity in 2008 at 9%.

[Kaixia Chen]

1. Only 17% of people used their mobile phone to play games in 2006.
2. In 2010, the percentages among the ways people using phone to play games, search the Internet and record music were 41%, 73% and 26% respectively.
3. There is a significant rise of recording music from 2008 to 2010, with 9% to 35%.

[Arun Kumar]

1. In 2006, 17% of the mobile phone users used their phones to entertain themselves by playing games.

2. In 2010, 41% used their handheld phones for playing games compared with 73% for searching online information and 26% listening to music.

3. The proportion of people who recorded video with their phones increased significantly from 9% in 2008 to 35% in 2010.

[Miyako]

thanks Khe:)

[blanche]

1. In 2006, 17% of cellphone users played games using their mobile phone.
2. In 2010, 73% of people who have mobile phones searched the Internet through their cellphones. It was almost same percentages of using mobile phones of both playing games and playing music, 41% and 26% of them repectively.
3. As for using cellphones for recording video, there was a increase from 9% of mobile phone owners in 2008 to 35% of them in 2010.

[arch1001face]

1. In 2006, 17 percent of mobile phone owners used play games.
2. In 2010, 26 percent of mobile phone owners used play music, compared with 73 percent of those used search the Internet and 41 percent of those used play games.
3. From 2008 to 2010, people using mobile phone to record video rose by 26 percent.

[chi]

1) Only 17% of mobile users played game in 2006.
2) In 2010, the least percentage of people played music with 26%, followed by playing game with 41%, and 73% of people searched the Internet.
3) There was a sharp increase of using record video from 2008(9%) to 2010(35%).

[Khe]

@ Claire:
Comparatives will generally provide a better comparison, particularly some ratio is included, as in "twice as many as", or "three times more popular". Alternatively, there are verbs like "tripled", "quadrupled", "halved", which can be used with "while" to good effect.

1、17% In 2006, seventeen per cent of telephone users played games on their gadgets mobiles.
[Putting the year first usually provides better balance in this type of sentence. "Gadgets" could refer any little game device or toy.]

2、In 2010, the figure for number of mobile owners who surfed online was 73 per cent, almost twice the percentage of as many as those playing games (41%) and nearly three times the percentage for those playing music (26%).
["The figure" in academic writing of this type usually refers to the diagram. To me, "search the internet" relates to using a search engine; whereas 'surf the internet" is somewhat vaguer. Accuracy is the key to Task 1. 26x3=78 not 73 ! Brackets must be preceded by a space.]

3、The biggest largest increase .....

[When used just to indicate 'to a large degree', "big" is INFORMAL. ]
https://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/big

What is require for #3 is at trend statement. There are two formats: the first format uses two verbs meaning with same idea, one as an adverbial gerund. The second format uses nouns followed by the preposition "in".

A) Between 2008 and 2010, the number of subscribers using recording video quadrupled (rose fourfold), increasing from nine to thirty-five per cent.

B) Between 2008 and 2010, there was a fourfold increase in the number of subscribers using recording video, with a rise from nine to thirty-five per cent.

Best to be extremely competent at both approaches!

[Khe]

Hoàng Nguyễn

https://www.google.com/search?tbo=p&tbm=bks&q=%22It+was+witnessed+by%22&num=10
Do not use this phrase in Task 1.

1. In 2006, seventeen per cent of users played games on their cellphone.

2. In 2010, searching the Internet was used by 73 per cent of those with mobile phones, almost double the number for those playing games and nearly three times those playing music, at 41 and 26 per cent respectively.

3. See (A) and (B) in my previous post.

[Khe]

@ Pearl

3) The figure for recording video increased significantly ...

Note the change in word order. "Significantly "might tend to suggest an increase of between ten and fifty per cent, and "massively" over fifty per cent. Why not use "nearly quadrupled" or "increased nearly fourfold" ? Accuracy is important.

@ Akter

2. In 2010, 73% of mobile phone owners searched the internet for various purposes,[punctuation error: comma splice/run-on] the percentage was more than two times compared to nearly treble/triple that of those who listened to music. Besides, [wrong usage and meaning] 41% of total users played games.
[Why not make the comparison here too? ....just over half]

3. See (A) and (B) in my previous post.

[Klaus]

Shaza

1. In 2006, 17% of phone owners played games with their phone. [games like "catching single-handed" or "hide and seek"? -> on their phone]

2. In 2010, other than based basic mobile phone functions, 41% of people users/owners/subscribers installed games, 73 % accessed the internet function and 26% of the owners [use ellipsis] played music with their on the devices .
[Do not use "in the year of" in Task 1; it is melodramatic.]

3. Between 2008 and 2010, the recording video feature almost quadrupled in popularity among mobile phone users, with usage rising from nine to thirty-five per cent.

[Klaus]

Katerina

1)In 2006, the number of people playing video games was only seventeen per cent.[No "the" before year: move to head of sentence. Write out single word numbers in full]

2)"Drastically" refers to bad things happening. Better to do some math and use 'almost double' and 'almost three times'.

3. fourfold/quadruple

See comments above and Khe's examples (A) and (B) too.

[Klaus]

@ pato

"merely" [This is your own opinion of the situation; it is not objective enough.] "17% "[write out single word numbers in full -> seventeen per cent]
"preferred" [preferred to what? "chose" would be more objective.]

2. Serch [spelling!] the internet's popularity [Avoid multi-word possessives in any writing.] with users at 73% In [Why capitalized?] 2010. [Where is the verb in this sentence? There must be a main verb in every sentence in academic writing.]
In the same year, it was enough to cover the sum of playing games and listening musics proportion at 41% and 26% respectively.[This type of comparison by summation does not come across meaningfully. See example by Khe (about three posts up) for a better approach.]

3. As for, [NO comma here] recording video,there was a spectacular [Too journalistic, un-objective, and over-interpretative] increase in 2010 [Put this at the beginning of the sentence to avoid over-cluttering the ending. Use 'between 19xx and 20yy'] at 35% nearly up to four times according to popularity in 2008 at 9%. [Incoherent: see Khe examples A and B above for a coherent approach.]

[Gabi]

@ Kaixia Chen

1) "people": we can be more specific -> owners/subscribers/users

With a little math, we can come up with:

In 2006, just over one owner in six (seventeen per cent) used their mobile phone to play games.
OR ... seventeen per cent of all owners, that is, just over one-sixth, used ....
This version shows a slightly wider range of expression. No extra marks for the maths, but get it wrong and there would be a penalty.

2) Your version is too complicated, and hard to understand. Take a look at Khe's solutions above (A) and (B) for a simpler approach.

3. There is [Tense error!] a significant rise of [wrong prepostion:see Khe's comments above] recording music from 2008 to 2010 [Put the years first, and use 'between'.], with 9% to 35%. [Easiest to insert a gerund: 'increasing from X to Y.]

[Lauren]

Hi, This is my first time to post.

1. In 2006, 17% of handsets owners use their devices to play games.

2.By 2010, more of mobile phone owners would like to surfing the internet than playing music and playing music, with percentages 73%, 41% and 20% respectively.

3. The percentage of mobile phone owners rapidly increases from 8% to 35% from 2008 to 2010.

[AKBULAK]

1. İn 2006,17 percentage of mobile phone owners did play game.

2.A considerable number of mobile phone owners did prefer search tne internet compared with other two activities,playing games and recording video.

3.Between 2008 and 2010, there is a dramatic increase in the rate of mobile phone owners who record video.

[zahra.shm]

1. in 2006 just 17% of the mobile phone owners use their cellphone to play different games.
2. in 2010 searching at the internet was much more popular among the cellphone owners with 735 in compare with playing music with 26% and playing games with 41%.
3. within two years ( 2008-2010 ) people use much the video recorder feature of their cellphone.

[Lauren]

A question about Task 1:

When we write the 2nd paragraph- summaries of two main points, do the contents of 3rd and 4th paragraph have to come from (or relevant) to the 2nd paragraph?

Thank you so much for helping.

[ThuyLe]

1) In 2006, the number of people using mobile phone for playing games was mere 17 percents.

2) There was a big gap between figures of handset owners using three different mobile phone different features: playing music, playing games and searching the internet, respectively were 26%, 41% and 73%

3) In 2008, the percentages of users using the function of recording video was dramatically increased from 9% to 35% over the period of 3 years.

[Mila]

1.In 2006, only 17% of users using handsets to play games.
2.In 2010, the proportion of searching the internet was 73%, which is the most popular features compared to play games and music, with 41% and 28% respectively.
3.The percentage of recoding videos saw a dramatic rise from 9% to 35% between 2008 and 2010.

[Mona]

@ Lauren

https://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2018/09/ielts-writing-task-1-super-cohesion.html

If paragraph 2 "presents a clear overview of main trends, differences or stage" with information appropriately selected, then paras 3 & 4 will need to provide the detail in support.

If there are other details that are important, then why are they not foreshadowed in the overview in some way?

[Mona]

@ blanche

I would not call 41% and 26% "almost the same"

NB spelling: "respectively".

@ arch1001face

In 2006, 17 percent of mobile phone owners used to play games.
Or did you mean "used their phones to play games"?

2. Same issue: distinguish "used" from "used to". The meaning is totally different.

3. From 2008 to 2010, the number of people using mobile phones to record video rose by 26 percent.
This description omits essential detail: was the rise from zero to 26%, 50% to 76%, or 74% to 100?

[Mona]

@ chi

There was a sharp increase of in

@ Lauren

1. In 2006, 17% of handsets ["handset" may refer to landline equipment] owners use [tense error] their devices to play games.

2.By 2010, more of mobile phone owners would like to [The data does not refer to what the owners liked.] surfing the internet than playing music and playing music, with percentages 73%, 41% and 20% respectively.[better to make ratio-based comparisons as mentioned by Khe above]

3. The percentage of mobile phone owners rapidly increases [tense?] from 8% to 35% from 2008 to 2010.

[zsófi]

@ AKBULAK

1. İn 2006,17 seventeen percentage of mobile phone owners did [Why "did"? That is only used as an emphatic or to make an inversion easier.] play games.[on their phones (otherwise it would include indoor or outdoor physical activities like rugby.]

2.A considerable number of mobile phone owners did prefer [preferred to: check the grammar round this verb; there are several options. "Chose" might be a better word choice as the statistics are about what happened and give no indication as to what the owners enjoyed doing.] search tne internet compared with other two two other activities, [a comma must be followed by a space] playing games, [needs a comma here to separate list into two items.] and recording video. [Where are the detailed figures?]

3.Between 2008 and 2010, there is [grammar error: tense] a dramatic [Do not use journalistic words in IELTS Task 1 -> sharp/steep/fourfold] increase in the rate of mobile phone owners who record [tense?] video. [Where are the exact percentages? If this is not an overview sentence, the detail must be provided in support.]

[zsófi]

@ zahra.shm

Every sentence in English must start with a capitalized letter.
[]
1. In 2006 [normal to put a comma in here to separate the introductory adverbial phrase] just 17% of the mobile phone owners use [tense?] their cellphone to play different games.

2. In 2010, searching at [grammar error] the internet was much more popular among the cellphone owners with 735 [numbers must be quoted accurately!] in compare [in comparison with OR compared with/to] with playing music with [at] 26% and playing games with [at] 41%.

3. within two years ( 2008-2010 ) people use much the video recorder feature of their cellphone. [This needs to state a trend: checkout some of the solutions offered by Beyonce in postings #12 & #13 on this page]

[Lauren]

@ Mona

Thanks a lot! =)

[Shaza]

@ Klaus
Thank you so much

[Rong]

1.in 2006,17% percent mobile owners tend to use it to play games.
2. Then this number increased to 41% in 2010, percentage of searching the internet and playing music increased as high as 73 and 26%, respectively.
3. A similar rise was in the popularity of recording video, approching 35% in 2010 from only 9% in 2008.

[Ellie Y.]

1. Only 17% of mobile phone owners used their phone in playing games.

2. In 2010, people use their phone the most in searching the Internet by the percentage of 73, comparing that people use their phone in playing games by 41, in playing music by 26, respectively.

3. The use of mobile phone to record videos increased by four times from 9 per cent to 35.

[Ameet]

In 2006, 17 percent mobile owners used the play games feature in their mobile phones.

In 2010, play games feature dramatically increased to 41 percent. In the meantime, search the internet feature remained the most popular feature for the mobile phone users and touched to 73 percent. While play music features followed to increase to only 26 percent from 12 percent.

In 2008, record video feature was estimated to only 9 percent and then it increased to 35 percent just after two years

[arch1001face]

Hi Mona,
Thanks for your help.
I try to think 'play games', 'play music'.. as a type of feature mobile, so I describe it by this way.

1. In 2006, 17 percent of mobile phone owners used for play games.
Is it right?

'..rose by 26 percent.' ( from 35% to 9%)
I'd to show of how to describe number as Simon's question.

[Mona]

Hi arch1001face
https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=recording+function%2Crecording+feature%2Cvideo+function%2Cvideo-record+function%2Ctext+function%2Ccamera+function%2Ccamera+feature&year_start=1980&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Crecording%20function%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Crecording%20feature%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cvideo%20function%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Ctext%20function%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Ccamera%20function%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Ccamera%20feature%3B%2Cc0

https://www.google.com/search?tbo=p&tbm=bks&q=%22video+recording+function%22&num=10

https://www.google.com/search?tbo=p&tbm=bks&q=%22internet+search+function%22&num=10

-> In 2006, seventeen per cent of mobile phone owners used the XYZ function.

Unfortunately, playing games is not a single function, as each game is a separate application.

3) One good approach is to describe the situation in words, and then add the figures as extras:
Between 2008 and 2010, use of the video-recording function grew steeply, starting at nine per cent and increasing to 35 per cent, an average rise of thirteen per cent per annum over the two-year period.

[Mona]

@ ThuyLe
1) ...was a mere 17 percent. (NO 's' on per cent.)

2) There was a big ['big' is marked informal as an adjective.] gap between figures of [for] handset [handsets are not necessarily mobiles] owners using three different mobile phone different features: playing music, playing games and searching the internet, were [Need to reconstruct the sentence and bring the subject and verb closer together.] 26%, 41% and 73% respectively. [Just saying there was a 'large gap' does not adequately describe the situation: see Beyonce's suggestion further up the page.]

3) In 2008, the percentages of users using [Traditionally, using the same verb and noun together is considered bad style in English] the function of recording video was dramatically [too journalistic-> steeply] increased [Why passive? That would mean some one body or influence caused the change] from 9% to 35% over the period of 3 years.[I would question 'three'; is it not 'two'? Better: over the N-year period (where N is a whole number)]

[gioletta]

Mila
1.In 2006, only 17% of users using handsets to play games. ['using' is a participle or gerund; where is the main verb?]
2.In 2010, the proportion of searching the internet [-> proportion of users searching ...]was 73%, which is [Tense change: why?] the most popular features [Why plural?] compared to playing games and music, with 41% and 28% respectively.
3.The percentage of [for] recoding [How do you code a video?] videos saw a ...

[gioletta]

@ Rong

Every sentence in English must begin with a capital letter If not, you will lose marks for grammar accuracy.

1.In 2006,17% percent mobile of owners tend [Tense?] to use it [What exactly?] to play games.
2. Then this number increased to 41% in 2010, the percentage of [for] searching the internet and playing music increased as high as 73 and 26% [I would not describe 26% as 'high'.], respectively.
3. There was a similar rise in the popularity of recording video, approching [spelling] 35% in 2010 from only 9% in 2008.

[gioletta]

Ellie Y
There are dates missing in (1) and (3).

[Clare]

In 2006, 17% of mobile phone owners played games on their cellphone.

In the year of 2010, there were 41%of cellphone owners playing games, by contrast, 73% and 26% respectively of users tried the features of searching the internet and playing music.

Between 2008 and 2010, there was a significant rise in recording video among mobile phone owners, from 9% to 35%.

[Mojo]

Hi Clare
2)
"In the year of 2010": pretentious -> In 2010

"by contrast,": starts a new sentence.

"73% and 26% respectively of users ": this approach is unexpected in English. I would suggest beginning with: the number/proportion of users ...
Alternatively, using ellipsis:
By contrast, 73% of owners used the internet search feature, compared to 26% who played music.
However, just using "compared to" does not necessarily constitute a comparison. See Beyonce's comments near the top of the page.

3) In the same way: -> there was an almost fourfold rise

[DOGUS]

1) In 2006, percentages of people who use mobile phones for playing games were 17.

2) It can be seen in 2010 that the percentages of mobile phone usage had a downward trend to 41 on playing games while on playing music and searching the internet -which increased dramatically- had a upward trend to 73 and 26, respectively.

3) There was a significant rise -nearly four times bigger than the percentage in 2008- in the usage of mobile phone on recording video in 2010 which's percentage was 35.

Please advice.

[arch1001face]

Thanks Mona!

[Jin]

1) About 17% mobile phone users played games on their phone in the year of 2006.
2) In 2010, the percentage of the mobile phone owners who browsed online using their phones was about 73%, which is more than the combined figures for people who played games (41%) and music (26%) on their phones.
3) People who recorded videos on their cell phones took up 35% of the total mobile phone owners in 2010, featuring a nearly four – fold increase from 2008, at about 9%.
Expecting your comments! Thank you!

[Sunny]

1. In 2006, 17% of users played games on their mobile phones
2. Owners used mobile phone to search the internet at most with 73% which accounted for the highest feature while playing music on their mobile made up the lowest at 26%. less than half users played games with the rate of 41% in 2010.
3 There was a significant increase in recording video feature from 9% in 2008 to 35% in 2010.

[Manuel]

@ DOGUS

1) In 2006, percentage [singular] of people who use [tense?] mobile phones for playing games was 17. [It is hard to find examples of this structure on Google Books, and there is a tendency, when used, to add '%' at the end; for instance, "the percentage of people who live in Torrevieja between six and nine months a year is 19%." Consequently, I would suggest that you avoid it. -> In 2006, seventeen per cent of owners used .... ]

https://www.google.com/search?q=%22percentage%20of%20people%20who%20live%22&tbm=bks&lr=lang_en

2) It can be seen in 2010 [We are in 2018 now! ] that the percentages of mobile phone usage had a downward trend [A trend is a change over a period of time, years, months etc. Here we are only dealing with one year, so it is an intra-year comparison, and trends are not applicable at all.] to 41 on playing games while on playing music and searching the internet -which increased dramatically- [Do not use dashes in IELTS Task 1; or journalistic language] had a upward trend [NO TREND] to 73 and 26, respectively.

3) There was a significant rise, nearly four times bigger than the percentage in 2008, [Use commas not dashes.] in the usage of mobile phone on recording video in 2010 [Easier to start: Between 2008 and 2010, there was ... ] which's [-> whose] percentage was 35. [This IS a trend statement, and so needs both figures.]

[Manuel]

Jin

1) About 17% mobile phone users played games on their phone in the year of 2006. ['In the year of" is pretentious -> In 2006. Often better to lead in with the dates.]
2) In 2010, the percentage of the mobile phone owners who browsed online using their phones was about [The data show exactly 73%, not 'about' that figure!] 73%, which is more than the combined figures for people who played games (41%) and music (26%) on their phones.
3) People who recorded videos on their cell phones took up [made up/comprised] 35% of the total [number of] mobile phone owners in 2010, featuring a nearly four – fold increase from 2008 (9%) at about 9%. ['fourfold' is usually one word in writing.]
cc

[Manuel]

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=twofold%2Cthreefold_ADJ%2Cfourfold%2Cfivefold%2Csixfold%2Csevenfold%2Ceightfold%2Cninefold%2Ctenfold%2Cfourfold_ADJ%2Cfourfold_ADV%2Cthreefold_ADV&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Ctwofold%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cthreefold_ADJ%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cfourfold%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cfivefold%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Csixfold%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Csevenfold%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Ceightfold%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cninefold%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Ctenfold%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cfourfold_ADJ%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cfourfold_ADV%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cthreefold_ADV%3B%2Cc0

https://www.google.com/search?q=%22an%20almost%20threefold%20increase%22&tbm=bks&lr=lang_en

[Jin]

Thanks Manuel! I appreciate it.

[Manuel]

@ Sunny

2. In 2010, owners mostly used their mobile phones to search the internet at most, with 73% using this feature, while usage of the game-playing options was just over half as common at 41%, and playing music, the least-used feature, saw much even less usage, at 26%.
[At 73% internet searches was not the most used feature; making calls was. Accurate reporting is essential for a good score in Task Achievement.]
OR (starting with the date)
In 2010, 73 per cent of owners used the internet-search feature, almost triple those who played games (26%), and nearly double those who played music on their phones (41%).

3 There was a significant [almost fourfold] increase in the use of the recording video [video-recording] feature, with usage rising from 9% in 2008 to 35% in 2010.

OR (more simply):
Between 2008 and 2010, usage of the video-record feature almost quadrupled, rising from nine to thirty-five per cent.

[Manuel]

Correction: much even less usage

[Chau]

In 2006, there were only 17 percent of mobile phone users used the device to play game.
The percentage of mobile phone owners using the device for recording video increased significantly from 9% in 2008 to 35% in 2010.
In 2010, 70 percent of the people who had mobile phone used it for internet searching while 41% of them played game on the phone and only 26% of those people listened to the music by the device.

[Manuel]

'Usage' tends to imply how often, or how much something is used. However, the table is about whether a particular feature was used at all, and by how many users.

So perhaps 'uptake' would be a more accurate or less confusing noun, with the meaning "the number of people who use a service or accept something that is offered".

https://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/uptake

-> Between 2008 and 2010, uptake of the video-record feature almost quadrupled, rising from nine to thirty-five per cent.

OR
Between 2008 and 2010, there was fourfold rise in the uptake of the video-record feature, with an increase from nine to thirty-five per cent, representing an average growth rate of thirteen percent per annum.

[Manuel]

from: Household Uptake of Sustainable Solutions
"
6.3.5 Light Bulbs
Although few respondents said that there were energy saving light bulbs in their dwelling when they arrived, over one-third (37.9%) said that these had been subsequently installed.
There was little variation between the uptake of this feature and the age or income groups of the respondents, however those renting (31.5%) were less likely than homeowners (38.0%) to have had energy efficient light bulbs installed since arriving in their home.

http://www.beaconpathway.co.nz/images/uploads/Final_Report_MT103_Quantitative_Consumer_Study.pdf

[Yavar]

Hi Simon,

If I don'y understand a word in the question or a word in the topic card, can I ask the examiner to explain that for me or change the topic card? I've heard that examiners can only explain the meaning of words in part 3 of the speaking test and not in parts 1 or 2, is that true? Thank you.

[Dogus]

@ Manuel

Thanks a lot.

[colette]

Re "uptake" (and handsets):

"..., in order to predict uptake of features and future use, ... barriers to successful uptake and use of advanced telephone features, one is .."

https://books.google.co.nz/books?id=UTswMlGYsVcC&pg=PA31&dq=%22uptake+of%22++feature&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjC6KSHsZjfAhXXfCsKHV2wDOAQ6AEIKDAA#v=onepage&q=%22uptake%20of%22%20%20feature&f=false

"The low uptake of mobile devices for learning is attributed to the challenges posed by mobile devices such as low bandwidth.."

"In 2009, 90 percent of handsets in use worldwide were so-called feature-phones, while ...uptake of smartphones was..."

"The low-income social segments' uptake of new prepaid plans and low- cost handsets ... "

"the uptake of emerging mobile technologies."
"Farmers have increased their uptake of mobile telephones "
" the uptake of data services on the mobile network .."
"Overall uptake of video services has also grown"
https://www.google.com/search?q=%22uptake+of%22++feature+phone+mobile&tbm=bks&ei=kwAQXOukJ86m9QO7q5zoAg&start=30&sa=N&ved=0ahUKEwirurPmspjfAhVOU30KHbsVBy04FBDw0wMIcA&biw=1247&bih=958&dpr=1

[colette]

It should be "video-recording feature" (11 results for this exact phrase)

https://www.google.com/search?biw=1247&bih=958&tbm=bks&ei=qgQQXOy9C8W8rQH-tbvIDQ&q=%22video-recording+feature%22&oq=%22video-recording+feature%22&gs_l=psy-ab.3...12028.13331.0.14788.2.2.0.0.0.0.149.292.0j2.2.0....0...1c.1.64.psy-ab..0.0.0....0.xBFDLVg4m1k

"internet search feature" comes up three times.

[Harry Tuan]

At present, people use their phone to play game a lot. However, there were only 17 percent of mobile phone users in 2006. In 2010, human manages to use their phone to search the Internet at 73%, higher than playing game and playing music at 41% and 26% respectively. For purpose of recording video, there was a low proportion of people in 2008 at 9%, this number increased sharply by around fourfold to 35% in 2010.

[colette]

Harry Tuan

At present, people use their phone to play game a lot. [There is no information about 2018 in the table at all.]

However, there were only 17 percent of mobile phone users in 2006. [Do you mean only seventeen percent of the population had a mobile phone in 2006? The table does not state this.]

In 2010, human [Why use "human beings", which would be appropriate in contrast to primates and baboons or aliens, when owners/users/subscribers would be more accurate in context? ] manages [singular or plural? Past, present, or future? ] to use their phone to search the Internet at 73% [of what?], higher than playing game and playing music at 41% and 26% respectively.

For purpose of recording video, there was a low proportion of people in 2008 at 9% [Need to make it clear that the percentage refers only to mobile phone owners, not to people with video recorders and video cameras in general.], this number increased sharply by around fourfold ['fourfold' is an adverb or adjective itself -> increased fourfold] to 35% in 2010.

[Kaixia Chen]

@ Gabi
Thanks a lot!

[My]

just 17% of mobile owners to play games in 2006. in 2010, searching the internet by user was compared with play games and play music in 41% , 73% and 26% respectively . the population was recording videos between 2008 and 2010 rose dramatically by 26% (from 9% to 25%)

[Joe Chong]

Hi Simon,

1) In 2006, 17% of the mobile phone users used their phones to play games.
2) In 2010, 73% of the mobile phone users used their phone to search the internet, while on the other hand 41% of the mobile phone users used their phone to play games and 26% of the phone users played music with their phone.
3) For the mobile users who used their phones to record video, there is a significant rise from 9% to 35% between 2008-2010.

[gigi]

@ Joe

2) One of the usages of "while" is to introduce a contrast, so we do not need "on the other hand" as well.

3) The phrase "there was a significant rise" is usually followed by 'in' to reference the item. ->
Between 2008 and 2010, there was a fourfold growth in the uptake of video-recording, with a rise from 9 to 35 per cent of mobile phone owners.

[Hakan]

The table displays various mobile phone feature and their usage percentage over time between 2006 to 2010.
In 2006, 17% mobile phone owner used played games on their device. While playing music was 12%.
It is noticeable that 3 features- make calls, take photos, send and receive text message are dominantly used over time between 2006 to 2010. Also, over the 4-year period, making call stayed as a main function around 100% each year. Even though there is not any record for usage of searching internet and recording video in 2006 Both features are a dramatic increase and more doubled up in last 2 years. Respectively 73% and 35% in 2010. While recording video and playing music features are relatively marked at the least.
In 2010, 73% of mobile phone owner used their phone to search the internet, while 41% of user played games and only 26% of people played music on their phone.

[Bogdan]

@ Hakan

https://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2018/07/ielts-writing-task-1-while-sentences.html

https://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2010/11/ielts-grammar-however-and-whereas.html

http://random-idea-english.blogspot.com/2014/08/exploring-concession-and-contrast.html

Your last sentence uses "while" correctly.

[Kate]

Hi everyone!

This is all new for me. I just started my review last week and I am attending the class every weekend because of work.

This is a really great page. Hoping to learn more to pass the test.

*********************************************
The table shows the most used mobile phone feature by phone owners from 2006-2010. In general, phones are mainly used for making calls and has been the most common feauture for 3 years.

In 2006, 17% of the mobile phone owners played games. In 2010, 73% used their phones for browsing the internet while 41% played games and only 26% used the music feature.

Between 2008 and 2010, the number of people who used their phones for video recording rapidly increased from 9% to 35%. Over the years, the demand for mobile phone features increased and became a part of our everyday lives.

[Kate]

Hoping for your feedback. Thank you. :)

[O.Berk]

1- %17 Percent of people used mobil phone play games features in the 2016.

2 In the 2010, the most used mobil phone future is Search the internet with %73, second mobil phone future is play games with %41, third mobil phone future is play music with %26.

3- Record video mobil phone feature has rapidly increased from %9 to 36 between 2008 to 2010.

[onur]

1) In 2006, only 17% of mobile phone users played game on their mobile phone.

2) In 2010, 41% of mobile phone owner used their mobile phone to play games while %73 of people used it to search the internet and only 26 % of user played music via their mobile phone.

3) In 2008, 9% of mobile phone users used their phone to record video. By 2010 percentage of people who recorded video via using their phone had increased to 35%.

[Hien]

1. In 2006, 17% of mobile phone owners played games on their phones.
2. In 2010, the number of owners who used mobile phone to search the Internet was highest, at 75% while the percentage of people playing games and music on cell phone were lower, at 41% and 26% respectively.
3. The number of users recording video as one of mobile phone features increased about 25%, from 9% to 35%, over the period of two years.

Hopefully someone will comment on my self-study writing

[hly2881]

1. The proportion of the mobile phone users playing games was 17% in the year 2006
2. In 2010, search the Internet accounted for the highest percentage, compared to play games and play music with 73%, 41%, 26% respectively.
3. There was a approximately fourfold increase in the percentage of people using mobile phone to record videos from 9% in 2008 to 35% in 2010.