IELTS Writing Task 2: conclusion mistakes

Can you find and correct the mistakes in the following conclusion sentences?

1. In conclusion, Following trends and fashions or not, it is up to people.
2. In conclusion, some hobbies can temporary popular while some can last for ages.
3. Some entertainment becomes old-fashioned these days but there are other popular entertainments that trends have not affected on them.
4. In conclusion, I could conclude that some people are too much trendy in term of their preferred interests.
5. In conclusion, some hobbies and interests are changable time by time according to individuals while some of them everytime are liked people doing.

Comments

[Murad]

1.In conclusion, the trends and fashions are up to people.
2.In conclusion, some hobbies can be temporary popular while some can last for ages.
3.Some entertainments are becoming old-fashioned these days but there are other popular entertainments that trends have not affected on them.
4.In conclusion, I think that some people are too much trendy in terms of their preferred interests.
5.In conclusion, some hobbies and interests could change time by time according to individuals while some of them are preferred by people.

[Iqra]

1. In conclusion, It is people’s own choice to follow trends and fashion.
2. In conclusion, some hobbies can be temporarily popular while some last for ages.
3. In conclusion, some entertainments become old-fashioned while there are many popular entertainments which are not affected by trends.
4. In conclusion, I believe that some people are too much trendy in terms of preffered interests.
5. In conclusion, some hobbies lost their interest with time while some of them retain their popularity as a preferred choice.

[sujit]

1. In conclusion, it is up to the people, whether they will follow trends and fashions or not.
2. In conclusion, some hobbies can temporarily be popular while some can be last for ages.
3. Some entertainments become old-fashioned these days but there are other popular entertainments that have not affected them.
4. In conclusion, I can conclude that some people are too much trendy in term of their preferred interests.
5. In conclusion, some hobbies and interests are changeable from time to time according to individuals while some of them favorable for all times.

[Anne]

In conclusion,it is up to people when it comes to following trends and fashion.
In conclusion, some hobbies can temporarily popular while some can last for ages.
Some entertainments become old-fashioned these days while others could not be affected by trends.
In conclusion, I believe that some people are too much easy in term of following their preferred interests.
In conclusion, some hobbies and interests are individually changeable while some of them constant by time.

[Vishaal]

1. In conclusion, it is up to people whether or not to follow trends and fashions.
2. In conclusion, some hobbies can temporarily popular while others can last longer.
3. Some entertainments become old-fashioned these days, but there are other popular entertainments that have not affected by trends.
4. In conclusion, some people are very trendy in terms of their preferred interests.
5. In conclusion, some hobbies and interests are changeable from time to time according to individuals, while others are liked by people doing every time.

[sharma]

1) In conclusion, Following trends and fashions or not, it is up to people= In conclusion, it is up to people whether or not to follow trends and fashions.

2) In conclusion, some hobbies can temporary popular while some can last for ages.= In conclusion, some hobbies can be temporarily popular while others can last for ages.

3) Some entertainment becomes old-fashioned these days but there are other popular entertainments that trends have not affected on them.= To conclude, these days some entertainments become old fashioned but there are other popular entertainments which have not been affected by the trends.

4) In conclusion, I could conclude that some people are too much trendy in term of their preferred interests.= In conclusion, some people are too much trendy in terms of their preferred interests.
In conclusion, some hobbies and interests are changable time by time according to individuals while some of them everytime are liked people doing.

[Indie]

1) In conclusion, it is up to people whether following trends and fashions or not.
2) In conclusion, some hobbies are temporary popular while some are lasting for ages.
3) Some entertainments become old-fashioned in these days but there are other popular entertainments have not affected by trends.
4) I could make the conclusion that some people are too trendy in term of their preferring interests.
5) In conclusion, some hobbies and interests change time by time according to individuals while some are people doing every time.

[Hieu Huynh]

1. In conclusion, the above trends and fashions are up to people.
2. In conclusion, some hobbies can be temporarily popular while some can last for ages.
3. Some entertainments become old-fashioned these days but there are other popular ones which trends have not affected.
4. I could conclude that some people are so trendy in terms of their interests.
5. In conclusion, according to individuals, some hobbies and interests are changable while there are some people like doing all the time.

[Sabrina]

1. In conclusion, it is up to people to follow the trends and fashions.
2. In conclusion, some hobbies can only be temporarily popular among people while others last for ages.
3. While some entertainment activities become old-fashioned these days, others are not affected by the trends.
4. In conclusion, some people are much trendy in term of their preferred interests.
5. In conclusion, some hobbies and interests are changeable time by time according to individuals while others are liked by people all the time.

[Catherine B.]

This post is not related to the task given by simon.
I just want to thank you, Simon. I got a band score of 7 in the Academic writing exam! You're strategies in organization of thoughts during a time pressured test definitely helped me pass the exam. May God bless you a lot more!

-Catherine B. ♥️

[Vishaal]

Some people believe that a great difference in age between parents and children is more beneficial. Do you think the advantages of a greater difference in age between them outweigh the disadvantages?

It is often argued by people that the generation gap has various positive and negative effects on the relation of mothers and fathers with their children. I certainly believe that a higher age gap between parents and their sons and daughters would have more problems than benefits.

The main positive thing about a greater age difference between parents and children is that offsprings of such parents are more disciplined. That is to say, many such mothers and fathers tend to follow orthodox mindset and hence they maintain strict rules and clear boundaries with their children. By doing this, they could help their offspring to develop several valuable skills such as time management, respecting elderly people, waking up early every day, eating a healthy diet and many other similar skills, which would help them significantly to grow as a mature adult.

However, the significant drawback of the generation gap is that it might deter children to freely share issues with their parents. As their parents are mostly rigid in their perceptions, they would probably prefer friends rather than family members for getting advice in many things, and this might put them at a greater risk if they were being misguided by their friends. For instance, many young drug addicts have accepted that they started taking narcotic compounds as they were highly stressed due to peer pressure at school and, at the same time, their parents were not even concerned about their issues.

In conclusion, from the above arguments, it is pretty evident that the advantages of a larger age gap between parents and children are clearly outweighed by the disadvantages.

[Qing]

1.
In conclusion, it is up to people to follow trends and fashions or not.
2.
In conclusion, some hobbies can be temporarily popular while some last for ages.
3.
Some entertainments become old-fashioned these days,however there are other popular entertainments that trends have no effect on them
4.
In conclusion, I could conclude that some people are too much trendy in term of their preferred interests.
5.
In conclusion, some hobbies and interests are changeable time to time according to individuals while some of them are liked by people all the time.e

[nilufar]

1. In conclusion,it is up to people to follow trends and fashions.
2. In conclusion, some hobbies can temporarily be popular, while some last for ages.
3. Some entertainment become old-fashioned these days but there are other popular entertainments that trends have not affected on them.
4. In conclusion, I could conclude that some people are so much trendy in terms of their preferred interests.
5. In conclusion, according to individuals some hobbies and interests are changeable time by time while some of them are liked by people doing.

[Simon]

FROM SIMON:

Here are some of the problems in each sentence:

1) The word order is a bit strange in this sentence, and the 'F' shouldn't be a capital letter.

Also, I probably wouldn't use the phrase "it is up to" (e.g. it is up to the people) in a formal essay. It's a little informal.

2) "temporary popular" is wrong. You would need to use the adverb "temporarily".

Also, "for ages" is an informal expression.

3) "becomes old-fashioned these days" should be "has become" or "is becoming".

Also, "that trends have not affected on them" is wrong - we don't need "on them" because we already have the noun "entertainments" (which is usually singular - uncountable).

4) Don't write "In conclusion, I could conclude" - this is repetition.

"too much trendy" should be "too trendy"

"in term of" should be "in terms of"

5) Three phrases don't make sense, and need to be changed:

- "are changable time by time"
- "according to individuals"
- "everytime are liked people doing"

Note:
I won't rewrite all 5 conclusions. Instead, I'll write my own (clear and simple) conclusion on Wednesday.

[YASIN]

Hi dear friends.Would you kindly evaluate my essay ?If you can spot any grammar or vocabulary mistakes , feel free to inform me .

QUESTION:CLİMATE CHANGE IS THE BIGGEST THREAT TO LIFE ON OUR PLANET.

HOW ACCURATE IS THIS STATEMENT?

ARE THERE ANY BIGGER THREATS TO MANKIND?
Some would argue that the changes in the climate is the most hazardous danger to life on our world. This essay totally disagree with this statement because there are bigger potential dangers for human beings like nuclear guns, which has the potential of killing huge amount of people in very short time.
The variations in the climate have become so obvious in the recent decades and it has a huge negative effects on natural life-cycle of mankind. However, it is not accurate to say that the climate change is the biggest threat to human beings, because it is a long-term proccess and progressing slowly, so it can be stopped by effective measures, such as blocking the CO2 emissions from factories and vehicles.For example, Norway has limited the usage of disel cars in the last five years and the air pollution over there has dramatically decreased, so they have managed the protect the natural balance in the climate.
On the other hand, nuclear weapons are the biggest danger to humankind because they have the power of destroying whole planet. Nuclear guns have very high level of energy in their inside and in any case of exploding of them would have devastating impacts on humans. It would kill all the humans near the explosion point and the radioactive energy from the nuclear gun would spread to nature,which can have long-term effects on humans, such as being cancer.For instance, the U.S.A. Used the nuclear guns against Japan at the second world war and it killed many people.
In conclusion, although some think that the variety in the climate is the most perilous threat to humanity, I believe nuclear power is a bigger threat than this, because it can make dramatic massacre on human beings.

[Jubino]

Dear Simon,

You had been an examiner. So you definitely know the exact about Band Descriptor of both sections . So could you pls be kind enough to share us the exact Band Descriptor for both speaking n writing in detail; not the public version one, the examiner version .

[SuwandiK]

1. In conclusion, it is up to the people whether they wish to follow the trends or fashions.

5. In conclusion, some hobbies and interests change over time for some people, while for others these things will always stay unchanged.