IELTS Writing Task 2: 'three media' essay

Today I'm attaching my full sample essay for the "compare three media" question that we saw in a recent lesson.

Download Three media essay

Which TWO things make this essay different from my usual essays?

Comments

[Pachu]

sir it has 4 paras but usually your has five paragraph

[Pachu]

I'm sorry. The first comment is other way around. Sir usually essays have 4 paragraph but this has 5 because of the question.

[Vishaal]

Hi Simon,
Point 1: 5 Paragraph Structure
Point 2: No Firstly, Secondly and Lastly structure in any of the body paragraph.

[Vishaal]

Interesting essay topic. Please help me to find errors in my essay. Thanks!

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It has been argued by some that people can select many different things in the current times. I completely support this viewpoint as the internet and the improved transportation system have made people’s lives convenient than ever before.

In today’s digital world, people can choose a majority of things at the click of a button on their smartphones, computers, or laptops. Many options to select or even purchase the basic human necessities, such as food, clothes, and places to reside, are available on online websites, and people do not have to go outside of their homes to buy these things. For example, in India, the growth of some online shopping websites, namely Amazon, Flipkart, and Paytm, has risen by 10% in the past two years, which clearly reflects Indian people’s current attitude towards shopping. However, access to the internet as well as its benefits was rare in the past, and thus people had fewer choices.

In recent times, the options for traveling through air or land have increased significantly. That is to say, people now have access to many economic flights, high-speed railways, and faster buses to travel to any part in the world, and, therefore, they can easily choose any of these modes of transport according to their budget as well as the urgency of traveling. For instance, the website of Air India shows more than 25 flights for traveling from India to the United States on today’s date. Nevertheless, people did not have such multiple options just before 10 years, and they had to either spend more time traveling or pay a huge amount of money on buying tickets.

In conclusion, from the above arguments, it is evident that nowadays people have many options for almost everything due to the internet and the advanced traveling facilities.

[Khe]

Vishaal

The question says: "too many choices". Your opening paragraph fails to address this question. It is not about whether there are many choices: we need to decide how many is too many; and write about the criteria we are using to determine this. For instance, is one TV channel okay, two better, but three too many; and explain why.

The rest of the essay has the same flaw.

[Vishaal]

Thanks Khe! Got you!

[Shohjahon]

Hi guys! Can you please judge my essay as well? Here it is:
Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have
babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up
To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?
My essay:
It is often difficult to judge the importance of fatherhood as opposed to motherhood. While I believe that raising a child is a shared responsibility, I do not agree with the idea that a woman is the only person who decides whether to have babies or not.

In a family it should be ensured that both a mother and a father take care of children. If this factor is neglected, a proper development of a child may be interrupted. For example, a child who has been brought up by its mother only may lack qualities which are ussually found in men such as risk taking,competitiveness and resilience. In addition, a teenager who sees his/her father being careless for him/her could conclude that the father does not have feelings like love towards his son or daughter. On the other hand, women are also important aspect of looking after a child as love and kindness which a mother gives to her offspring may not be fulfilled by the father. Finally, it is clear that both genders play vital roles in a child's healthy growth

There are several reasons why i believe that a father should also be involved in the process of deciding whether to have babies or not. Firstly, life seems boring to partners without children. There are a few partners in real life which ended up with divorce mainly because they do not have babies. It is noticeble that a child is also crucial in terms of keeping a husband and a wife in harmony . Furthermore, a father who does not have any child may feel uncomfortable among his acquaintances or friends who have children

In conclusion, I think that both genders should play their parts in raising a child

[Fruzsi]

Shohjahon

" a proper development ": wrong article.

"ussually": spelling.

"taking,competitiveness": missing space after punctuation.

"being careless": this would mean not taking sufficient health and safety precautions or just not looking whilst driving.

"important aspect": missing article.

The final sentences of the last three paragraphs are missing the full-stop or period.

"why i believe": capitalization.

"Firstly, life seems boring to partners without children ": over-generalization.

"noticeble" : spelling.

"It is noticeble that a child is also crucial in terms of keeping a husband and a wife in harmony": interesting view, but unsubstantiated or needs further explanation.

There are articles on this topic such as:
https://www.bustle.com/articles/172854-dads-impact-on-child-development-is-actually-very-important-says-study-so-lets-put-the-uninvolved

Personally, I blame my own father for all my failures, and my mother for all my successes. In the same way, poor teaching is responsible for all IELTS failures, and good students for all success stories. ;=)

[Shohjahon]

Thank you very much Fruzsi!

[Vishaal]

Khe

Updated the essay based on your comment. Please evaluate.

It has been argued by some that people have more than enough options for many different things in the current times. I agree with this viewpoint, and consider the internet and the technological developments the major factors involved.

In today’s digital world, the internet provides an overwhelming number of choices to people. Thousands of products that are basic human necessities, such as food, clothes, and places to reside, are available online, and thus a vast majority of people have become uncertain about what is suitable for them. This has led them to purchase things which are not essential, and to waste a huge amount of money. For example, online shopping websites, namely Amazon, or Flipkart, provide more than 50 options for the same product with many different offers, and this often confuses to customers and leads them to purchase unnecessary or even low-quality items.

Alongside the influence of the internet, people today have too much choices for traveling due to advancements in the transportation sector. Cheaper flights, trains, or buses allow millions of people to visit their preferred destinations, this, however, means that the uncertainty among people has risen about which places to visit during holidays due to excessive options for every place. For example, the total number of flights from India to the United States has increased from 50 to 500 in just the past 2 years due to the significant growth of the aeroplane manufacturing industries.

In conclusion, it is true that these days people have more than adequate options for many things mainly because of the internet and the advanced transportation technologies.

[David]

Man,
However, I gave up studying the IELTS, I can not stop following your page.
Your are always the best.
Keep up the good work.

[Vishaal]

Guys, please help in assessing my essay as I have the exam in 2 weeks.

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at
an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to
teach good behaviour to children?

Some argue that teenagers should be taught the distinction between the positive and the negative behaviour at the age of 10 or 11, and this needs to done by punishing them. I disagree with this view as such a short-sighted mentality will have negative effects on children’s mindset, and proper education is far more beneficial than punishment to learn them effectively.

There will be many detrimental effects on teenagers’ mind if they have to study some behavioural lessons along with punishments. That is to say, they would become stubborn, and not afraid of doing wrong things or behaving disrespectfully with others as they might become used to being punished on a daily basis. For example, many young criminals have confessed to the police that they were severely beaten by their fathers and teachers in their childhood, and this sort of regular torture has developed a strong feeling of revenge and annoyance in their mind over the years.

In my view, children will learn well if they do not have fear of punishments, and are being educated in a positive manner. In such an atmosphere, they will become more open-minded and can interpret the learning they are getting from their mother and father, or teacher well. As a result, they will grasp the positive messages deep in their mind, and thus follow them for the entire life. For instance, the number of crimes committed by juveniles is very less in my city called Vadodara as most schools here prioritize training over punishments for teaching their students.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that punishing teenagers for giving lessons on manners is the worst method as this might impair children’s outlook for almost everything while the training in the supportive environment will help them most to absorb most of the messages from such learnings.

[Kiterunner]

Hi!

I am new to your website, hence my unfamiliarity with your former essays.

However, this is an unusual essay type. This is the first time, I have seen such a question. It is attractive. I enjoyed reading your writing. Well done to you; you have composed a good, succinct essay.

[lara]

Vishaal

"the number of crimes ... is very less" -> is very few.

"children’s mindset" -> their mindset

"children’s outlook" -> their outlook

"effects on teenagers’ mind " -> on teenagers' minds OR on a teenager's mind

" behaving disrespectfully with others " -> behaving disrespectfully to others

" the training in the a supportive environment"

[Vishaal]

Thanks a lot Lara!

[Anu]

Answer to the last question of assay is missing..i.e. what sort of punishment?

coherence & cohesion is good

[Linh]

Hi Simon,

I hope you are doing well. I greatly admire your website and your concerted effort you put in it.

I have a question for your essay. In your essay you state that ' The disadvantages of television are that programmes tend to be short and interrupted by advertisements, meaning that information is presented in limited depth.'

I'm asking about the ' depth' in this sentence. I think the interruption of advertisement does not limit the depth as it is the content of the information that affects it.

Cheers,

[Simon]

Linh,

You make a valid point - advertisements don't necessarily affect the 'depth'. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say that they limit the 'flow' of a programme. I suppose my point about 'limited depth' was supposed to link to the idea that 'programmes tend to be short'.

Either way, this isn's something that an examiner would worry about.