IELTS Writing Task 1: process paragraph

Can you create a paragraph from the following list of sentences? You'll need to use linking and sequencing words (and, then, next, after which etc.).

The sentences describe part of this diagram.

- Fresh salmon is delivered to the factory.
- Lemon juice and salt are added to the salmon.
- The salmon is cooked in a steam oven within 12 hours of delivery.
- Factory workers remove and dispose of the skin and bones.
- The fish is inspected.
- Prepared peas, sauce and potatoes are added.
- The resulting fish pies are wrapped.
- They are frozen and then stored or dispatched.

Comments

[PT]

Dear Mr. Simon,
I'm confused about a grammatical point in your sentence - "You'll need to using linking...". I just know the structure "need to do st", but have no idea about "need to doing st". Can you help me out? Thank you.
Best regards,
PT.

[Hoa Thi]

First, fresh salmon is delivered to the factory and is processed within 12 hours after the arrival. Then, lemon juice and salt are added to the salmon. At the next stage, factory workers remove and dispose of the skin and bones. The fish is then inspected before being added with prepared peas, sauce and potatoes. The resulting fish pies are wrapped, after which they are frozen and then stored or dispatched.

[Simon]

PT,

Well noticed - it was a typo. I've changed it.

[Luna]

Hi, Simon
I've taken the exam twice now, and I've gotten nines in every subject but writting now. Unfortunately, I got 6 for writing twice now. The last time I paid for an EOR but my grades did not change. Should I do an EOR this time? Might my grades change? (results: 9/8.5/6/9 this time, 9/9/6/8.5 last time)
Thank you.

[Zoe]

Luna

Hard to say. Has your writing changed significantly since your first result? Have you had it reviewed by a native speaker familiar with IELTS? If not, then your money might be better spent paying for a proper professional expert review.

It would seem likely that you are missing key elements in your writing, perhaps in Task 1, or who knows what in Task 2. Need to find out what is going wrong. EOR will not tell you this.

Finally, it seems that if your writing score is inconsistent with the other scores, your writing will be automatically checked anyway. See here:
https://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2012/07/ielts-advice-asking-for-a-re-mark.html

[Luna]

Zoe

I think I panicked in my first test but I was much calmer inthe second one, therefore, I feel more confident the recent one. My writing style has not changed much, but usually when I am graded by my IELTS tutors my writing is always 7. This is why I'm confused.

I guess maybe my tutor gave me higher scores than I deserve and I have much more to learn.

Thank you!

[Ol_seenoy]

Firstly, fresh salmon is delivered to the factory.
Next, lemon juice and salt are added to the salmon.
Then, the salmon is cooked in a steam oven within 12 hours of delivery.
The Factory workers remove and dispose of the skin and bones.
After which the fish is inspected.
Furthermore, prepared peas, sauce and potatoes are added.
Thus,the resulting fish pies are wrapped.
Finally, they are frozen and then stored or dispatched.

[Gandalf]

Luna

To achieve Band 7, one needs 'frequent error free sentences', which usually means 40% to 50%. That will mean no more than about seven mistakes in Task 2. See comments by Mr sjm here:
https://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2019/07/ielts-grammar-errors-vs-complex-structures.html

And his comments here:

"From an examiners point of view, 'range' is rarely an issue at the 7+ level. Almost all candidates use complex sentences sometimes. What we are looking for is a good 'balance' of shorter and longer sentences.

Putting across complex ideas clearly relates more to vocabulary and coherence/cohesion.

Simon is exactly right. Grammar is almost all about accuracy (how many grammar errors you make). To be more specific, for a 7 you need close to 50% error free sentences, and for an 8 you need at least 75%.

I always say that if you are receiving feedback on your writing, then ask that person to identify every grammar error. Then count how many sentences have errors. This will usually give you an approximate idea of your grammar score. Of course some errors are 'more serious' than others but overall this is not a bad place to begin."

https://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2019/05/ielts-grammar-for-band-7-and-higher.html

Also:
https://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2019/06/ielts-writing-task-2-the-big-mistake.html

https://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2017/07/ielts-writing-task-2-from-band-65-to-band-7.html

[arch1001face]

At the fourth stage of the process, fresh salmon is delivered to the factory. Lemon juice and salt then are added to the salmon, and this is cooked in a steam oven within 12 hours of delivery. Next, factory workers remove and dispose of the skin and bones. After that, the fish is inspected, and prepared peas, sauce and potatoes are added. Finally, the resulting fish pies are wrapped and they are frozen and then stored and dispatched.

[Kaitran]

Dear Mr simon
At the first step, fresh salmon is delivered to the factory. Following step, lemon juice and salt are added to the salmon before the salmon is cooked in a steam oven within 12 hours of delivery. Factory workers remove and dispose of the skin and bone then. The next step, the fish is inspected. Prepared peas, sauce and potatoes are added after. The resulting fish pies are wrapped and the final stage, they are frozen and then stored or dispatched.

[atiti]

The factory-made fish pie contains four ingredients, and there are ten stages in its production, from delivery to dispatch. One of the ingredients, potato, goes through its own six-stage preparation process before it can be added to the pie.
Stages for preapering fish pie are these:firstly, fresh salmon is delivered to the factory then Lemon juice and salt are added to the salmon and the salmon is cooked in a steam oven within 12 hours of delivery,in the next step, factory workers remove and dispose of the skin and bones,after which the fish is inspected,Prepared peas, sauce and potatoes are added then the resulting fish pies are wrapped and they are frozen and then stored or dispatched.

[Aurora]

As for the production of fish, firstly, fresh salmon is delivered to the factory. Then lemon juice and salt are added to the salmon. These two steps usually last for 12 hours or less. When finishing, the salmon is cooked in a steam oven. Later, the factory workers remove and dispose of the skin and bones. After that, the fish is inspected and if it is qualified, prepared peas, sauce and potatoes will be added. With the processed potatoes, the resulting fish pies are wrapped. Eventually, they are frozen and then stored or dispatched.

[Peter]

After fresh salmon is delivered to the factory, lemon juice and salt are added to the salmon first. Within 12 hours of delivery, the salmon is cooked in a steam oven. Then factory workers remove and dispose of the skin and bones and the fish is inspected. After that, prepared peas, sauce and potatoes are added and then the resulting fish pies are wrapped. At last, they are frozen and then stored or dispatched.

[Simon]

Luna,

It's strange that you're getting such high scores in the other parts of the test. I advise you to get your writing checked by an experienced IELTS teacher - you need to find out what you're doing wrong!

[Isabel]

Initially, fresh salmon is delivered to the factory, and then lemon juice and salt are added to the salmon.
The processed salmon is then cooked in a steam oven with 12 hours of delivery.
In the next step, factory workers remove and dispose of the skin and bones, before the inspection of the fish.
Prepared peas, sauce and potatoes are added to the fish that passes the inspection to add flavour. This results in fish pies which are wrapped. They are frozen and then stored or dispatched.

[mariam]

Fresh salmon is delivered to the factory after which lemon juice is added to the salmon. The salmon is cooked in a steam oven within 12hours of delivery, then factory workers remove the bones and skin for disposal, the fish is then inspected.
Earlier prepared peas, sauce and potatoes are added, thus the resulting fish pies are wrapped in a microwave container, frozen and stored for dispatch.