Here's a list of some of the good collocations and phrases from the essay that I shared last week. I hope you can see how much excellent 'topic vocabulary' the essay contained.
- are seeing a rise in
- one-person households
- is becoming a rarity
- the traditional family support network
- a nuclear family
- a single-parent household
- a stressful part of daily life
- the absence of
- adult family members
- the primary influences on
- the decline of the extended family
- psychological and behavioural problems
- amongst young people
- the psychological effects of
- reduced human interaction
- discuss the highs and lows of daily life
- They forgo the constant stimulation
- hustle and bustle of a large family
- left to their own devices
- for extended periods of time
- lack of human contact
- replaced by passive distractions
- This type of existence
- is associated with boredom, loneliness
- feelings of isolation or even alienation
- increase the risk of mental illness
- individuals thrive when
Excellent 🙏🏻
Posted by: Jackie | August 29, 2019 at 03:39
Hi Simon
(maybe it's a stupid idea but) i think once in a while you should take an essay (band 6 or 7) and improve it over the next few weeks until it becomes band 9, and walk us through this whole process.
i think 'detailed analysis of a band 6 or 7 essay, with comments explaining why the essay DOES NOT score band 9' is just as helpful and revealing as 'detailed analysis of a band 9
essay, with comments explaining why the essay DOES score band 9'.
Anyway, i think the topic vocabulary above would get band 11!
Posted by: Hi | August 29, 2019 at 11:02
Hi,
It’s a very good idea. I’ve been thinking about how best to present something like that. I’ll be announcing some new ideas in September, so keep following the lessons!
Posted by: Simon | August 29, 2019 at 13:05
That's great!
Thanks
Posted by: Hi | August 29, 2019 at 14:17
One characteristic of Band 9 essays is that the phrases used can be found on Google books:
https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=are+seeing+a+rise+in%2Cone-person+households%2Cis+becoming+a+rarity%2Cfamily+support+network%2Ca+nuclear+family%2Ca+single-parent+household%2Cpart+of+daily+life%2Cadult+family+members%2Cthe+primary+influences+on%2Cdecline+of+the+extended+family&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Care%20seeing%20a%20rise%20in%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cone%20-%20person%20households%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cis%20becoming%20a%20rarity%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cfamily%20support%20network%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Ca%20nuclear%20family%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Ca%20single%20-%20parent%20household%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cpart%20of%20daily%20life%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cadult%20family%20members%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cthe%20primary%20influences%20on%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cdecline%20of%20the%20extended%20family%3B%2Cc0
https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=psychological+and+behavioural+problems%2Chustle+and+bustle+of+a%2Cleft+to+their+own+devices%2Cfor+extended+periods+of+time%2Clack+of+human+contact%2Cpassive+distractions%2CThis+type+of+existence%2Cis+associated+with+boredom%2Cfeelings+of+isolation&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Cpsychological%20and%20behavioural%20problems%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Chustle%20and%20bustle%20of%20a%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cleft%20to%20their%20own%20devices%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cfor%20extended%20periods%20of%20time%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Clack%20of%20human%20contact%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cpassive%20distractions%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2CThis%20type%20of%20existence%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cis%20associated%20with%20boredom%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cfeelings%20of%20isolation%3B%2Cc0
Posted by: colette | August 29, 2019 at 20:44
Good point colette!
Posted by: Simon | September 02, 2019 at 11:07