IELTS Writing Task 1: 'fish pie' answer

Here's my full description of the fish pie process diagrams:

..........

The pictures illustrate the ingredients that go into a factory-made fish pie, and the various steps in its production.

The pie contains salmon, peas, sauce and potatoes, and there are ten stages in its manufacture, from delivery to dispatch. One of the ingredients, potato, goes through its own six-stage preparation process before it can be added to the pie.

Potatoes are the first ingredient to be prepared on the production line. They are delivered to the factory up to a month before the process begins, and they must be cleaned, peeled and sliced. Potato peelings are thrown away, and the sliced potatoes are boiled, then chilled and stored.

When fresh salmon arrives at the factory, lemon juice and salt are added, and the fish is cooked in a steam oven within 12 hours of delivery. Next, factory workers remove and dispose of the skin and bones, and the fish is inspected. Following inspection, pre-prepared peas, sauce and potatoes are added. The resulting fish pies are wrapped, frozen and then stored or dispatched.

(175 words, band 9)

..........

Task: I forgot to mention that the fish pie is in a microwaveable container. Where could you add this information in my answer?

Comments

[dane]

Hi Simon, would missing a minor detail like the microwave container still result in a B9? The grammar slip in the first sentence would be ok though.

[Simon]

dane,

Thanks for pointing out the grammar slip - the missing word 'in', which I've now added.

No, a minor missing detail won't affect the score. You're not expected to include everything in your answer; in fact, being able to select what to include and what to leave out is a key skill.

I just thought that adding the detail about the microwaveable container would be a nice language task for people to try.

[Ericowl]

Hi Simon,

Here is my answer:
"The resulting fish pies are wrapped and put in a microwaveable container, then frozen before stored or dispatched."

By the way, I am curious that can I write "Potatoes are the first ingredient to be prepared in the production line." instead of "on" the production line?

Thank you!

[Tae]

Hi Simon and everyone.

I think it would fit after the first sentence in the second paragraph.
''The fish pie contains salmon, peas, sauce and potatoes in a microwaveable container.''

What do you think?

[Hien]

Hi Simon this is my answer:
""The pie contains salmon, peas, sauce and potatoes put in a microwaveable container and there are ten stages in its manufacture, from delivery to dispatch"

[zsófi]

Ericowl

-> before being stored or dispatched (ie Passive gerund)

[Thao]

Hi,
Could you help me correct my writing? Thanks a lot!

The line graph compares the proportion of car ownership in Britain over a period of 36 years.
It is clear that while the percentage of the households who owned no car dipped exponetially, the figures for those who had two or more cars increased quickly. Also, the household rate who own one car accounted for the largest propotion of the three forms of car ownship over the period shown.
Standing at over 50%, the proportion of households who had no car over 5 times as much as that of having two or more cars in 1990. In the following years, there was a slight fluctuation in the households who owned one car, but later it hit a peak of over 55% in 2015.
Another noticeable thing, it is expected to increase dramatically to just over 40% of the two or more-car households by the year 2030. Meanwhile, the figures for those who do not have car will probably stay a non -stop decrease to around only 15% at the end of the period. It is predicted to fall of over 10% of the one-car households before fluctuating wildly in future.

[zsófi]

Thao

Compare Simon's answers to a similar graph here:

https://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2010/06/ielts-writing-task-1-general-to-specific.html

https://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2012/02/ielts-writing-task-1-line-graph-exercise.html

There are some very competent and expert corrections to your writing on this link:

https://www.englishforums.com/English/PleaseCheckWritingTaskIelts-Writing/bxwrmn/post.htm

[parisa yekrang]

in the last sentence:
The resulting fish pies with microwaveable containers are wrapped, frozen and then stored or dispatched.

[Ericowl]

Zsófi:

I see...thanks for the correction!

[Clement]

Dear Simon,
My answer for your task is as the following:

The pie, wrapped in a microwaeable container, contains salmon, peas, sauce and potatoes, and there are ten stages in its manufacture, from delivery to dispatch.

Do you think if it is correct?
Thank you very much!

Best Regards,
Clement

[Clara Kang]

"The resulting fish pies are wrapped in microwaveable containers, frozen and then stored or dispatched."