IELTS Writing Task 2: 'music' essay

Here's my band 9 sample answer for the question below.

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

It is often said that music has the power to unite and connect people, regardless of their cultural backgrounds or ages. I completely agree with this view, and will give my reasons below.

Music can certainly reach across cultural and national boundaries and bring people together. Perhaps the best example of this would be the Live Aid concerts that took place back in the 1980s, and which were broadcast to a global audience. Two live events were held simultaneously in the UK and the US, and the objective was to raise funds for famine relief in Ethiopia. The concerts were a huge success, both in terms of the number of people around the world who watched them and their impact on international public awareness of the famine. They demonstrated, I believe, that music truly is the planet’s global language.

Just as it transcends cultures, music also has the ability to connect people from different generations. Regardless of age, we can all enjoy a memorable melody, a strong rhythm or a beautiful singing voice, and the best songs seem to have the same magical effect on all of us. This would explain why televised music competitions, such as ‘The X Factor’ or ‘The Voice’, are such popular prime-time shows. These programmes attract incredibly broad audiences because singing and popular songs appeal to children, parents and grandparents alike. I would argue that no other form of entertainment can bring families together in this way.

In conclusion, I believe that music is unique in its capacity to create shared experiences between people, irrespective of culture and age.

(265 words)

Comments

[Khe]

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=power+to+unite%2Cpower+to+connect%2Chas+the+power+to+unite%2Cregardless+of+their+cultural+backgrounds%2Creach+across+*+boundaries%2Cbring+people+together%2Cperhaps+the+best+example+of%2Cbroadcast+to+a+*+audience&case_insensitive=on&year_start=1800&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Cpower%20to%20unite%3B%2Cc0%3B.t4%3B%2Cpower%20to%20connect%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Bpower%20to%20connect%3B%2Cc0%3B%3BPower%20to%20connect%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Chas%20the%20power%20to%20unite%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cregardless%20of%20their%20cultural%20backgrounds%3B%2Cc0%3B.t2%3B%2Creach%20across%20%2A%20boundaries%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Breach%20across%20national%20boundaries%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Breach%20across%20the%20boundaries%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Breach%20across%20cultural%20boundaries%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Breach%20across%20disciplinary%20boundaries%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cbring%20people%20together%3B%2Cc0%3B.t4%3B%2Cperhaps%20the%20best%20example%20of%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3BPerhaps%20the%20best%20example%20of%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bperhaps%20the%20best%20example%20of%3B%2Cc0%3B.t2%3B%2Cbroadcast%20to%20a%20%2A%20audience%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Bbroadcast%20to%20a%20national%20audience%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bbroadcast%20to%20a%20wide%20audience%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bbroadcast%20to%20a%20worldwide%20audience%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bbroadcast%20to%20a%20large%20audience%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bbroadcast%20to%20a%20nationwide%20audience%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bbroadcast%20to%20a%20wider%20audience%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bbroadcast%20to%20a%20mass%20audience%3B%2Cc0

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=objective+was+to+raise+funds%2Craise+funds+for+famine+relief%2Cwere+a+huge+success%2Cimpact+on+public+awareness%2C*+transcends+cultures%2Cconnect+people+from+*%2Cregardless+of+age%2Ca+memorable+melody%2Ca+strong+rhythm%2Ca+beautiful+singing+voice&case_insensitive=on&year_start=1800&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Cobjective%20was%20to%20raise%20funds%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Craise%20funds%20for%20famine%20relief%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cwere%20a%20huge%20success%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cimpact%20on%20public%20awareness%3B%2Cc0%3B.t2%3B%2C%2A%20transcends%20cultures%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Bthat%20transcends%20cultures%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bwhich%20transcends%20cultures%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cconnect%20people%20from%20different%3B%2Cc0%3B.t4%3B%2Cregardless%20of%20age%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Bregardless%20of%20age%3B%2Cc0%3B%3BRegardless%20of%20age%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Ca%20memorable%20melody%3B%2Cc0%3B.t4%3B%2Ca%20strong%20rhythm%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Ba%20strong%20rhythm%3B%2Cc0%3B%3BA%20strong%20rhythm%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Ca%20beautiful%20singing%20voice%3B%2Cc0

[Prasad Gandham]

Hi Simon,
thank you very much for your invaluable lessons,
I just wanted to know if we can write planet's language instead of planet's global language in this essay.

[Yves]

To those who wants to know other structures they can use in an Agree-Disagree question, you can read it here.

https://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2017/04/ielts-writing-task-2-agree-or-disagree-essay-structures.html

[BEHI]

Thank you for your amazing website!

[Simon]

Prasad,

Yes you can.

[Prasad Gandham]

Thank you, Simon, please clarify if it will not be redundant to write planet's global language instead of planet's language.

[Prasad Gandham]

I am confused because I feel that Planet and Globe are synonyms.
Thank you

[Simon]

Hi Prasad,

Fair point. I think I put "global" in there because "the planet's language" sounds a little strange. I felt the need for an adjective.

Here are some alternatives:

- the planet's shared language
- the planet's common language

[Prasad Gandham]

Thank you very much Simon

[Vishaal]

Hi Simon,

I tried to grasp your writing style and produced the following introduction and body paragraph. I'd highly appreciate it if you could suggest whether I'm in the right direction or not.

Some people think that to produce a happier society is to ensure that there is only a small
difference in the earnings of the richest and the poorest members.
To what extent to do you agree or disagree?

It is often said that in order to spread happiness among people, the gap of income between the wealthiest and poorest people should be made minimal. I completely disagree with this view.

Making people earn almost same amount of money will not produce a happier society because money is not actually associated with people’s feeling of happiness. Despite having abundance of wealth, many rich people, such as businessmen, celebrities, and sports stars are unhappier owing to the lack of emotional attachment with family members and friends. Besides, security is one the major concerns that most wealthy people have to face in order to protect their money from criminals or even competitors, and hence this leaves them in a stressful state all the time. Therefore, I argue that not many people would be happy if the difference between the income of rich and poor is reduced.

[Simon]

Hi Vishaal,

I don't comment on people's writing here, but you've got the right idea.

[Danica Stankovic]

Dear Simon,
I really enjoy, and still learn a lot by reading your posts and people's comments.
I am a teacher at a academy of arts and I was wondering if I could reuse, and under what terms/conditions, the essay (not the preparation posts) IELTS Writing Task 2: 'music' essay.

[Simon]

Hi Danica,

Thanks for checking. If you're only using the essay with your class of students, it's completely fine. The only condition I have is that people don't republish my lessons on the Internet.

[ALP]

Simon, you did a great job again. You are really capable of teaching English. Best regards...

[Danica]

Dear Simon,
Thank you so much for letting me use the essay. I will cite and acknowledge the URL of the source of the text. I am sure that my students can benefit a lot if they visit your blog.

[Chau]

Hi Simon,

Regarding this sentence: “Perhaps the best example of this would be the Live Aid concerts that took place back in the 1980s, and which were broadcast to a global audience.”

Would it be grammatically correct if you omit the “and” before “which were...”, or keep the “and” and omit the “which”, instead of using both?

Thanks for the essay :)

[Simon]

You're welcome Danica.

.....

Chau,

As the sentence already contains a relative pronoun and clause ("that took place in the 1980s), I felt the need to use "and" before writing the second relative clause. It reads better like this.

[brynn]

Hi Simon,
In the first paragraph, can I say
Music empowers individuals and groups to increase social and emotional connections. This does not limit by the culture and different age group. Thus, music provides opportunities to enhance and develop a stronger connection in our world.

[Emma]

Thank you Simon :)

[Orchid]

Thank you so much for the essay. But I've got s small question. At the end of the essay, you use "between people". From what I have been told, this word is used if there are only two objects; for more than two, "among" is used instead. Can you or anybody here with me?
Thank you so much, Simon. Thank you everyone.